


As the Fading, Mellow Light

by lumosJ117



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Prequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 54,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumosJ117/pseuds/lumosJ117
Summary: For readers who would also like the dots connected, though we know the picture they create is a tragic one.Told from Lily's POV, spanning 1977-1981.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 11
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1: Hogwarts, Spring Term 1977

**Author's Note:**

> I have tried to make this as near-canon as I could, taking a few liberties here or there. But, for the sake of the story, I aim to stay true to Marauder Era/First Wizarding War information.

It began with a whisper, and it sounded distinctly of James Potter. Lily glanced to her left. Sure enough, there was James, saying something to his best friend, Sirius. James noticed her looking, and he grinned at her, winking. She rolled her eyes and refocused on the Charms lesson—wandless summoning. Hopefully, he hadn't noticed the blush spreading across her cheeks. She also hoped whatever they were scheming didn't involve her.

In the past, it would've bothered her to know they were up to something, that they were doing something mischievous. Since she'd become friends with those boys in a curious turn of events—or, at least, Lily thought it was curious, but, if you asked James, he swore it was the most natural thing in the world—she'd acquired a much higher level of tolerance for their shenanigans. However, she still hoped they would leave her out of whatever they were plotting.

Another sound, this time coming from right beside her, momentarily distracted Lily, again. Alice Costello, Lily's dearest friend, was cursing under her breath. "Bloody hell," she muttered. "Why is this so hard?"

Lily smiled and asked, "Everything okay there, Al?"

"I just...this nonverbal magic is tough, yeah?"

Half an hour later, Professor Flitwick dismissed the class, and Alice was still frustrated, especially since Lily had managed the wandless summoning just fine.

"It'll come to you," Lily encouraged.

Alice scoffed. "Sure, eventually. You know, the rest of us can't be mad brilliant like you."

As the girls headed to the Great Hall with the rest of their peers for the lunch hour, they changed the subject to summer holiday plans. Lily loved being at Hogwarts and missed being so immersed in the wizarding world when school let out, which was why she adored Alice for saying, "You'll have to come stay at my house for a week or two, Lils. I'm sure my parents won't mind, at all. We'll have a great time. Oh, I wish you could just come stay the whole summer."

"Me, too," said Lily. She meant it for a few reasons. Since their first year, the girls had been inseparable, and Lily often found herself—guiltily—wishing she and Petunia could get along as well as she and Alice did. Yet, the idea of living with the Costellos all holiday had such magnetic appeal, too, because it seemed like the safer option.

Sometimes, tucked into the humdrum of life at Hogwarts, it could be easy to forget the castle was such a refuge. Outside in the great, big world, a war was sparking. Had been gaining momentum for the past few years. And even if Lily could momentarily forget, she could never fully get it out of her mind because the consequences of it—the very reason why it was being fought—involved her. Involved her blood status. With tensions, disappearances, and scrimmages mounting, it was risky for her to contemplate returning home even for a short while. She could not put her family—muggles without proper defense—in danger.

Lily was pulled from her thoughts as she and Alice approached the Gryffindor table because Sirius Black said, "Hullo, ladies. Why, it's an honor you're joining us today."

In fact, the girls hadn't been planning on sitting anywhere near the four boys they knew were nothing but trouble. Yet, they shared a look, shrugged, and sat down, anyway.

"We have to save a spot for Frank, though," Alice said with a backwards glance at the entryway.

"Are those wedding bells we're hearing, Alice?" Sirius teased, getting a blush out of the petite brunette.

Lily smirked at the teasing and addressed the boy she'd sat next to. "Remus, are you well? You look a little under the weather."

She could have sworn each boy stiffened at that comment, even if it was only minutely. Across from her, James was too eager in replying first. "Merlin, Evans, hasn't anyone told you you're no good for a bloke's ego?"

"Um, actually, yes. _You_ have," she said, though not unkindly.

Remus poured himself more tea and served her, too, while he was at it. "I'm fine, Lily. Really."

She arched a brow at him. "How come you weren't in Charms just now then? And are those scratches on the backs of your hands?"

"Erm, well—"

"Oi!" Sirius shouted at someone coming in the back of the hall. "Frank! Over here!"

"He knows where our table is, Sirius," Alice hissed, a little embarrassed.

Lily, slightly sidetracked by Sirius, glanced back at Remus, who sipped his tea delicately. Not only that, she was unsettled by the way James watched her. She was used to James always seeking her out, calling attention to her in obnoxious ways. But the weight of his gaze was different in this moment. It was too serious, like he was trying to communicate her inquisitions very well could put something at stake. What it was, she wasn't sure. All the same, she let it drop. For now.

Then James, breaking free of that rare seriousness, smiled at her like he was up to something. "Speaking of wedding bells, I heard ours chiming this morning, Evans."

"Good Godric, that was an awful line," she said. "And what could you possibly mean by that?"

"Humor me," said James, his grin somehow growing. "I overheard two of our housemates as I was leaving the common room. You know, they all have noticed we're friends now. Apparently, they've got a bet going."

"A bet?" Her brow furrowed.

"Precisely."

"Well, what's it about?"

"Oh, you know," James made a dismissive gesture like this was a commonplace topic, "one of them definitely thinks we'll start dating over summer hols, but the other wasn't convinced. Figures we'll hold off until next school year."

Scoffing, Lily said, "Did you tell them they should visit Madame Pomfrey because, clearly, they're ill?"

James fixed her with a knowing look, and, for a second, Lily worried somehow he knew she'd started developing a teensy crush on him. But he couldn't possibly know that because she'd not even admitted it to Alice, yet. Hardly admitted it to herself. Then he said, "Evans, you just wait. This'll be a summer you never forget."

Whatever that meant, Lily didn't know and wasn't sure she wanted to know, though she could appreciate the warning. It didn't matter that Lily found him funny and smart—borderline genius when he let his entire brain take over—and handsome; she was never at ease when he went all cryptic and evasive.

Just as she was finishing her meal, Professor Dumbledore walked over from the staff table. He smiled at them and then turned a steady gaze onto her. "Ah, Miss Evans, I was wondering if I may have a word with you this afternoon. After your last class lets out?"

"Of course, sir."

The eccentric old man simply nodded and moved along saying, "And my advice to the rest of you belongs to the sunshine: enjoy it for these mellow June days are fading."

Lily was less phased by the odd, slightly ominous parting words and more curious about this new, pending appointment.

"Have you been up to something, Evans?" Sirius asked, giving her an interested look.

"Oh, naturally," she said, words tinged with sarcasm. "Didn't you hear? I've been plotting the wildest prank."

Beside her, Remus let out a short chuckle because, when they'd studied together earlier in the week, the two of them _had_ actually discussed how much fun it could be to pull something off where James and Sirius were the victims of a practical joke.

Lily got up and grabbed her bookbag. "I'm sure he'll give me loads of detention, so see you again never. Or wait—" She paused like she had to think hard about something. "Isn't detention the one place anyone can consistently find you two?"

Remus and Peter were openly laughing at that, and Sirius just rolled his eyes. So, it was James who said, "Evans, if you wanted to spend your evenings in my company, all you had to do was say so."

As she turned to go—without Alice because she and Frank were caught up talking about something—she pushed down the impulse to take James up on his offer. She wouldn't be that girl. She didn't need James and his teasing and flirting. If she was ever going to date a boy, she wanted someone steady and sweet. Someone who was unwaveringly themselves because, in a time like this, it wouldn't do to drift along with just anyone. She didn't need an anchor, but she did want someone who would help her find the light in months she knew were only going to get darker and darker.

* * *

"Lemon drop?"

A few hours later, Lily sat across from Professor Dumbledore in his office, unexpectedly being offered candy. She graciously took one and waited. Late afternoon sunshine fell across the large desk between them and onto her lap. He'd been right earlier—the mellow June days were almost gone. It would have been nice, absolutely lovely, to enjoy today with her friends out on the lawn. Yet, something was about to transpire here, and Lily was entirely intrigued by whatever the headmaster was going to say.

"Miss Evans," started Dumbledore after replacing the lid of his candy jar, "are you very familiar with our St. Mungo's establishment?"

She frowned. "The wizarding hospital? I've certainly heard of it, but I wouldn't say I'm familiar with it, sir."

The old man smiled softly. "No, and it's a good thing you aren't. But myself and other instructors here could hardly fail to notice how you excel in all your courses. Double-potions—ambitious for a sixth year. Defense Against the Dark Arts. Charms. Transfiguration. There's not a course you don't know how to conquer."

"Thank you, sir." Lily inclined her head as her heart beat with pride. Pride but also trepidation. Where was this conversation going? And what did it have to do with St. Mungo's, a place for the sick and seriously injured?

Dumbledore continued. "That being said, the faculty and I feel entirely confident in nominating you for a summer apprenticeship opportunity at St. Mungo's."

What trepidation had been weighing her down immediately turned into thrills of excitement. Could Dumbledore truly mean this? Could she really spend the holiday weeks so engaged still with this magic she couldn't get enough of? In her excitement, she nearly choked on her lemon drop. "Oh, Professor, I would be delighted to apply for the position. I—it—oh, this is too good to be true!"

With a wide grin, Dumbledore said, "You wouldn't need to apply, Miss Evans. I can assure you the letters of recommendation from us staff here at Hogwarts will be sufficient to secure your place. The position will be as a Trainee Healer, of course. However, if you find this line of work suits you, we could always arrange something with Madame Pomfrey in the fall for you to continue these studies."

This news was too much for Lily to contain within herself. She all but launched herself from her chair to hurry around the desk to give the headmaster an odd side-hug. The second she did that her senses came back to her, and she flushed. "I'm so sorry, sir. I should _not_ have done that." Yet, in the very next moment, encouraged by the kind twinkle in the old man's eyes, Lily practically twirled back to her seat. "I _can't believe_ I get to learn how to be a Healer!"

She and Dumbledore took some time to iron out logistics for this scenario, such as where she would stay for the summer that would be more convenient for her commute—"Oh, I would live in a cardboard box on the street for this, Professor, but let me talk with Alice and see if her parents will let me stay there"—and by the time Lily left it was nearly dinnertime. It was unfathomable how, in the span of one afternoon, it felt like the course of her whole life had been given new direction. This apprenticeship wouldn't just affect the upcoming summer; no, this...this was a future. This was doing what she could to establish further stability in the wizarding world.

There were far too many witches and wizard who were hell-bent on telling her she didn't belong, hell-bent on taking drastic, violent measures to exclude her from this magic she'd not asked to be born with yet had willingly and graciously cultivated. She knew she belonged, had as much right to her magic as any pureblood, and she thought the entire premise of the war was bloody preposterous. If she could do something to stand more fiercely with all of You Know Who's opponents, she would do it. In a heartbeat.

Maybe this apprenticeship would do more for her future than she realized. Maybe she could learn skills at St. Mungo's that would help her be the soldier she wanted to be.

Lily thought it curious, when she got to the Great Hall, Alice wasn't already there. Frank was, but his girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. Thankfully, Marlene was there because Lily didn't want to be stuck with the four troublemakers, again, and she needed a friend to celebrate the good news with.

"Marlene," she said, sinking down onto the bench, "you won't believe what I'm about to tell you."

"Is it that Alice was hexed by nasty Slytherins and is now in the infirmary because her face is swelling up to twice its size?" Marlene spoke calmly, though the sentence was too bizarre.

Aghast, Lily asked, "Good Godric, that happened?"

"I have no idea. I just can't think of anything else that would keep her from a meal. And you know I still can't figure out how she stays so skinny. She's always eating. Always snacking on something."

Marlene McKinnon: a witch whose feathers never ruffled and whom their classmates declared prettiest witch in their year, which Sirius had been personally offended about. For as long as Lily and Alice had been running around together, Marlene was there, too. Lily swore, if Marlene had been born a boy, she would have been included in whatever brotherhood of mischief James Potter and the rest had; her gift for cunning and courage was inspiring. Really, Lily wondered how Marlene had avoided being sorted into Slytherin.

"You seriously had me worried, Marlene," said Lily as she tucked into her pie.

"Anyway," Marlene waved a hand, "what unbelievable thing do you have to tell me?"

So, Lily, her momentarily squashed enthusiasm finding revived energy, filled her in on Dumbledore's news.

Marlene, happy for her friend, said, "Lils, just wait until Alice hears this! We are going to have _the best_ holiday because the three of us will be able to hang out more since you'll _finally_ be closer. Oh, this is the best!"

It did really feel that way, and, when they parted after dinner—Lily to Gryffindor tower and Marlene to the library—Lily felt she'd not had such a sunshiny day in a while.

But the mellow days were fading, and she remembered that upon returning to her dormitory.

"Alice, what's the matter?" Lily asked, slinging her bag onto the top of her trunk at the end of her bed.

The girl in question was crying in the windowsill but, at her friend's entrance, jumped up, hastily wiping her eyes. "N-nothing. How was your meeting with Dumbledore?"

"Oh, no you don't," said Lily. Though she meant business, her voice was gentle. "We are not changing the subject. What's going on?"

Because Alice had never learned how to hide from her best friend, she started to break down, again. She sniffed, and Lily conjured a hanky for her. "It's just...it's Frank, you see. He's just told me—" Another sniff. "He's told me his exam scores were good, high enough to satisfy the requirements for the Auror program. And they...they've accepted him into it. And that's—in a time like this, that's su—"

"Suicide," Lily finished lamely. As the implications of Frank's decision settled in, Lily felt helpless to do anything useful for her friend. So, she did the only thing she could think of: she held out her arms, and Alice threw herself into them. The sobs she'd been keeping at bay sprang free, and she wept loudly.

"Frank's the bravest man I know," Alice hiccuped. "But does he have to go and bloody do this? I want to marry the man—not bury him."

Again, Lily didn't know what to say, so she just let her friend cry.

Out the window, she could see the sun had finally set.

* * *

A few mornings later, Lily was reading _The Daily Prophet_ over breakfast when the war became real, once more. Since the war's start nearly eight years ago, _The Prophet_ reserved a column for casualties; it often was filled with too many names. This morning, in particular, Lily was sitting at the end of Gryffindor's table nearest the staffs' and was just reaching the list of casualties when a shattering drew her attention away. She peered up at the high table, utterly perplexed and immediately frightened to see Professor McGonagall white-faced and wide-eyed with a broken teacup at her feet. The woman didn't appear to be breathing properly, and her hands trembled. For a second, Lily worried something was the matter with her health, but that didn't seem to be the issue. McGonagall's stare was fixed on her own copy of the paper, and she could not look away.

_Oh, no_ , thought Lily, _who now?_ and sought out the list of the dead, again.

Four names down, Lily understood. _Robert McGonagall_.

Her gaze shot back to her favorite, most dear professor, and her heart went out to her. Was he her brother? A cousin? The connection didn't truly matter because, clearly, it was a close one, a loved one.

This war was making corpses of everyone. Lily knew it could very well do the same to her, but, again, she felt the urgency and the need to join the fight, to really and actively take a stand.

She appraised the rest of the hall, wondered who else among her peers would also fight and what side they'd choose.

Across the room sat a group of people she constantly thought about: the Slytherins. They had reputations and notoriously sustained them. They were smart, clever. She couldn't discredit them that. And she didn't want to be hasty in her judgement, but was there hope in believing any of them would choose to become anything other than a follower of You Know Who? What had Sev called them? Death Eaters?

Severus. Oh, that boy who used to be her sweet best friend. He wasn't a corpse, yet the war had taken him from her already. She didn't understand how he could buy into the bigotry and propaganda. He was above that; she knew he was.

Lily sighed and closed her paper, looking once more up at her Transfiguration teacher. Division—the war was bred from it and only created more, and it seemed the living were cursed to shoulder the burden of it.

Later in the library, Lily was searching for a few texts Madame Pomfrey had recommended to prepare for the apprenticeship when she physically ran into Severus. They were both coming around the end of an aisle at the same time and collided.

"Sev—hi."

A few tense seconds slipped by, and Lily wasn't sure he was even going to acknowledge her, which made her temper begin to rise. Then he said, with a quick glance around, "Hello, Lily. If you'll excuse me."

He made to step around her but hesitated when she asked, "Are you joking, Sev? You used to be my best friend, and now I can hardly get you to speak a dozen words to me?"

His silence was enough of a response, though he looked pained.

"What happened to my friend?" she asked in an intense whisper. "I worry _so much_ about you, but it gets clearer and clearer to me that I'm wasting my time worrying about the boy I once knew, a boy who doesn't seem to exist, anymore."

In an equally low voice, Severus said, "I did not ask you to worry over me."

"Is that who you think I've become? A person so heartless as to not care about your well-being?" When it became apparent he, again, wasn't going to say anything, she said, "Please, be careful, Sev," and walked away. She had to because she either walked away or went off on him. Or erupted in angry, sorrowful tears, and she most definitely didn't want that.

She took refuge in a deserted aisle to compose herself. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair. When did life become so uncertain? And when was someone going to come around and tell her how to deal with it?

"Pst, Evans."

Refraining from rolling her eyes, she couldn't believe the universe had answered her semi-rhetorical question by sending her James bloody Potter.

"Evans, you look stressed," he whispered, moving nearer. Because his hair always appeared perfectly disheveled, Lily couldn't tell whether or not he'd actually been out flying, but he very well could have, especially since his cheeks were a tad flushed. Either that or he'd sprinted through the castle recently. That was a very real possibility as she knew he'd needed to run from Filch before.

"Thank you, James," she said. "Astute observation."

"What are you doing up here, anyway?"

She arched a brow and, as he came even nearer, tried not to inhale too much of his cologne, which was subtle enough to enhance his attraction. Good Godric, she needed to not have feelings for this boy. Or, if she was going to, needed to make sure she didn't show it. "It's a library. I'm looking for books."

Grinning, he said, "Yes, but why? Exams are finished. You can't tell me you're already getting a head-start for next year, are you?"

"And if I am?"

"Well," he said, stepping into her space and grabbing the book she held, "I would be immensely interested in why you feel you must study... _Potions of Health and Healing_."

She reached to take it back, but he held it away and she only succeeded in bumping up against his chest. Her cheeks began to burn, but she held her ground. "Never you mind, James Potter. This is personal."

An expression of genuine concern crossed his features. "Are you ill?"

"No." She took a step back and folded her arms over her chest. "If you give me my book back, there's a chance I'll explain myself."

Laughing, James said, "Wow, Evans, your negotiating skills need some serious work. How about this: I'll give you your book back if you agree to spend the rest of the afternoon with me."

"You honestly think I'd blindly agree to that? Knowing you, we could get up to anything— _and_ knowing you it would be trouble."

"Have some faith in me, Evans. I was thinking it would be nice to go for a walk. It's a beautiful day."

For a long minute, Lily simply watched the boy and tried to read the seemingly innocent expression on his face. His bargain couldn't be as straightforward as that. Surely, James was up to something. James was always up to something.

Yet, she couldn't detect anything false in his eyes, so she said, "Oh, very well. I suppose it is really nice out."

James's smile was brilliant. "Of course it is. Am I ever wrong?"

As they walked, conversation carried naturally between them, and, much to her concern, Lily found she deeply enjoyed and preferred James's company when she had it all to herself. He still teased and poked fun but not in the same way he did with Sirius or Peter. Something about his demeanor was gentler, more sincere. These were things she thought she noticed in the periphery of his character normally when he was with his friends or in class, yet they became more pronounced when it was just him. Just him. Just her. And she liked the way he made her laugh.

The path they walked took them along the edge of the Forbidden Forest and around part of the lake. Many of their peers were out, too, and they could see a pick-up game of Quidditch unfolding at the pitch.

"You didn't want to join in?" Lily asked with a nod in that direction. "I thought you lived for that game."

"I am a man of multitudes, Evans." In a mock-haughty gesture, he lifted his chin and tossed his hair with a quick swish of his head. "In fact, I bet you don't believe me when I say I can identify most of those flowers over there."

"You're right," she chuckled, "I don't believe you."

"Well, watch and learn from this Master Herbologist." He sauntered over to a patch of wildflowers sprouting and blooming along the edge of the wood.

Lily rolled her eyes and followed after him. "We don't even learn about flowers in Herbology."

"I should start a petition then. Reason with Professor Sprout to change her curriculum."

"But there's nothing magical about any of these. They just pop up and grow wherever they can sustain themselves."

Crouching down to examine a petal, James murmured, "I suppose that's a different kind of magic, yes?" but she didn't really think he was looking for an answer.

Lily, while James studied the plants, studied him. Studied his long, careful fingers that were so deft at catching snitches but that were currently smoothing over leaves. Studied the straightness of his nose and definition of his jaw. Studied and then looked away because she didn't know what to do about her racing heart.

"All right, Evans, here's what we have. Bluebells there—do you see them? And this is spearwort. Not the most attractive name. Also, you'll notice a few marigolds..."

Of all the odd things, Lily would never have expected to be standing on the edge of the Forbidden Forest listening to James Potter rattle off name after name of all these flowers. An odd day. The brief run-in with Sev, McGonagall this morning at breakfast—

McGonagall. Dear, grieving McGonagall.

"Say, James? We aren't going to find any lilies around here, are we?"

He stopped his recitation and glanced at her over his shoulder. "Only you, Evans. Why?"

"Hmm..." Her brow furrowed as she tried to think of a solution. There was always a possibility of transfiguring a bouquet of them.

"Evans?" James stood and watched her like she was about to do something curious.

"Oh, um, well, I was simply thinking it would be the appropriate thing to do for McGonagall. You know, to express sympathy."

"Sympathy?"

"Yes. For her brother." At James's continued confusion, she said, "He was in the paper this morning. Casualty list."

"Oh." One syllable yet so much understanding.

Lily plucked a flower, making sure to keep a decent length of the stem attached. "But we could configure some of these, right? Their composition would be similar."

"Right," said James, "and maybe if we just..."

Between the two of them, they worked it out, full of glee and pride when they'd made a dozen to bring to their favorite professor. Lily, feeling strangely rejuvenated and free, beamed at her companion. "Thank you for your help with this, James."

He winked down at her. "Anything for you."

She blushed and shook her head.

After they delivered the flowers to a teary yet resilient McGonagall, they made their way to Gryffindor tower. The common room was filled with the usual hustle and bustle of Exploding Snap, loud conversations, and laughter. Before Lily escaped to her room, James caught her elbow and said, "You never told me what you needed that book for."

Smirking, she said, "And whose fault is that? Guess you need to work on your negotiation skills, Mr. Potter."

When he gave her that lopsided grin—the one she thought was damn sexy—she knew she was a goner. 


	2. Chapter 2: Summer 1977

Lily never had such a busy summer. Since she was rather young compared to other trainees the hospital took on and without official N.E.W.T. scores, she was only allowed to work four days a week. Still, she'd rather have that time than look for something to do around Cokeworth. Her heart ached when she thought about what this continued distance was doing to her already rocky relationship with Petunia.

In recent letters, Lily's mother had made multiple remarks about the young man Petunia was going steady with. Vance? Victor? Lily would have to go back and re-read the latest letter. Apparently, he and Petunia were quite serious and had been for the past six months. Lily didn't understand how it was possible to become so out of touch with someone. Not just someone—her sister. This particular heartache maybe wouldn't hurt so much if only her mentor at St. Mungo's would teach her how to heal it. Yet, though Lily was forever in awe of the wonders of magic, she knew there were limits. No amount of magic could fully heal a wounded heart.

Perhaps at the end of the summer, in the days before she went back to Hogwarts, she'd return to her family. The danger in doing so was ever-present, but she missed her parents and needed to try and patch things up with Petunia.

"Hey, your ice cream's dripping."

Lily started as Marlene and Alice laughed at her. Quickly before it could reach her hand, Lily licked up the dribble of ice cream running down the side of her cone. "Close call," she said with a chuckle.

The girls, as Marlene predicted, were finding plenty of time to get together and made it a point to go to Fortescue's every Sunday afternoon. Sundays, it seemed, were safest. Because, reality never failed to remind them, safety in Diagon Alley wasn't guaranteed. Safety anywhere wasn't certain, especially for witches like them who weren't purebloods nor were they joining up with You Know Who. That casualty list in _The Prophet_ was ever-growing, and the girls knew they must make choices—even choices about when or if to go out for a sweet treat—with great care and caution.

On her off days, Lily'd taken to pouring over Defense books, even getting Alice and Marlene to practice with her. It was getting to be a regular sight to see them in the Costello's backyard, their Patronuses running among them. Lily was quite pleased with her docile doe, wasn't at all surprised by Marlene's wolf, and admired the beauty of Alice's hawk.

There were also the texts her mentor, Healer Strout, had given her to memorize. The books didn't just cover elementary Healing spells and potions; no, Lily was committing to heart a multitude of seriously intense information. What potion to brew in the instance of a blood curse. How to best tend someone recovering from the Cruciatus. Heavy stuff. Useful, though, and Lily drank everything in with one eye on her vision of the future. It was the picture of her as that solider of light. She would be that, and she was working on being ready.

"Uh, maybe we should get going," Alice said.

Instantly wary, Lily glanced around. "Why?"

But then her question was answered when a slimey voice spoke up from behind her. "Look, Mulciber, they let anyone frequent such fine establishments these days."

Lily turned to glare at Avery while Mulciber said, "How fine can it be if they let mudbloods in?"

"Hey!" a new voice chimed in. "Watch your mouth!" Of all people, Sirius Black came rushing over, planting himself on the patio between the table where the girls sat and the sidewalk where the Slytherins stood.

Avery's expression of cruel contempt deepened. "Ah, the pretty boy blood traitor."

All six of them gripped their wands tightly though no one had theirs raised. What few people were out and about shopping watched—but from an anxious distance. Lily noticed others swiftly walking in opposite directions of them. Wise. No one wanted to get caught up in a spat, even if it didn't appear to be immediately violent.

"I'd rather be a traitor to you petty purebloods than betray the entire wizarding world," snapped Sirius. "Just move along, Avery. Take your prejudice elsewhere."

Lily couldn't be sure who cast the first hex—either Mulciber or Avery—but it happened as soon as they'd made like they were going to walk away and Sirius had turned to the girls. He yelped like he'd been stung or hit. In an instant, Marlene was out of her seat, hurling her own offense at the Slytherins. Alice and Lily, scrambling to figure out how to make it stop, cast shield spells over their friends, looking to Apparate them away but not wanting to splinch anyone.

Before Lily could strategize, Marlene put Mulciber in a full body bind. He fell with a _thud_. Then Avery, essentially, made a death wish by saying, "You're a disgrace to your House, Black. At least, Regulus hasn't turned his back on us."

Magic—angry and raw—crackled around Sirius. He shouted, "Stay away from my brother, you snake!" and tackled Avery, taking him by surprise and knocking loose his wand. With crazed energy, Sirius pulled back punch after punch, and Avery, for his part, recovered quickly. Like two absolute muggles, they brawled right there at the edge of the patio.

Too shocked to do anything, the girls stared with wide, disbelieving eyes. Then Marlene muttered, "What the bloody hell is even happening?" and that shook Lily to action.

With a wave of her wand, the two boys broke apart. Blood, more blood than Lily was expecting, covered their faces and chests. Sirius's nose definitely looked broken, and a black eye was forming for Avery.

"Meet us at the Peter Pan statue," she whispered to her friends and heard the _crack_ of their disappearance. She made sure Sirius was with it enough to not be injured further, and then they, too, Apparated to Kensington Gardens.

They crashed through some of the underbrush near the rendezvous spot, and Alice and Marlene rushed to support them. Sirius shifted even more into her, his arm over her shoulder. She had suddenly become someone not only to lean on but to bleed on, too.

"I owe you one, Evans," Sirius murmured.

"Don't forget about me," said Marlene, diligently keeping a look-out of sorts.

Scoffing, Sirius said, "You're already the prettiest witch in our year—hell the whole bloody school—what's left?"

An odd thing to say, but the smirk they shared clued Lily into the fact they kept some inside joke together. She arched a brow at Alice as if to ask, _You picking up on this, Al?_ and Alice just smiled and shook her head.

"Sirius," said Lily, "we need to get you home. I can help you with your injuries but not here."

"And we should get back to my house," Alice said.

Marlene nodded. "Yeah, word of these sort of things spreads so fast. Your parents are probably worried. Lils, send us word if you need help, okay?"

With that decided, the two of them left, and Lily turned to Sirius. "Okay, and where are we going? Sirius, are you okay?"

He didn't look it, but he said, "Fine, Evans. Potter Manor, if you could."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Potter Manor."

She'd quite forgotten Sirius had run away from his House not so long ago. Quite forgotten he and James might as well be brothers. That meant, though she'd not anticipated this and her heart wasn't ready, she was about to come face-to-face with the boy who did funny things to her emotions.

Potter Manor, when they arrived, took Lily's breath away. This was an estate straight out of the Tudor era of their country. Standing there with Sirius in the circular, gravel drive, Lily couldn't fathom living in such a place. A fountain spurted water ten feet up in the median of the drive. Perfectly trimmed shrubs bordered the perimeter of the grey-stone home. Lily quickly counted three stories and noted a turret—a turret?—sticking out the left side. It was elegant and moody, gloomy and refined. They couldn't go in there; Sirius was sure to drip blood on rugs and floors Lily would bet were perfect and cost more than she knew.

When Sirius groaned beside her, Lily pushed those reservations away. Together they walked up and in.

Lily was breathless, once again, over the beauty and opulence before her. Priceless oil paintings, candle-lit chandeliers, even a suit of armor. It was a mini Hogwarts. They stood just inside the front door and, when Lily looked around, saw a magnificent, grand staircase ahead and a hall that stretched forever and ever off both sides of the entryway.

"Mister Black, what is the meaning of this? Surely, you were raised better than this," a tinny voice chided.

"Sir Arthur," said Sirius, knocking elbows with the suit of armor, "a gentleman knows sometimes there is cause to fight."

"Not that, you silly boy. Aren't you going to introduce our guest?"

Sirius rolled his eyes but said, "Sir Arthur, this is—"

"Evans? Padfoot? Merlin, what's going on?" James appeared at the top of the stairs and watched them with a furrowed brow as if he was trying to decide if they were really there. Then he, taking steps two at a time, hurried down.

"Padfoot?" Lily asked. "What kind of nickname is that?"

"A very fitting one, if you ask me," said Sirius.

"Here," James said as he went to support Sirius on his other side, "let's get you a seat. And maybe a washcloth."

As they moved out of the entryway and through a nearby threshold into what was an especially blue-themed drawing room, Sirius murmured, "I have it on good authority that Evans said she could help me with...well, you see what a mess I am."

"Yes, but what's the meaning of it? You told me you were just going out to meet Dumbledore."

Lily felt all types of wrong when they helped Sirius sit on the velvet-covered sofa; she wasn't convinced a _scourgify_ would keep the blood from staining. Neither boy seemed concerned, so she refocused on her patient. He'd yet to explain the circumstances of his wounds, and Lily figured it could wait until she took care of him.

A nervous glimmer came into Sirius's eyes as she moved directly in front of him and raised her wand. "Whoa, there, Evans. A bloke can only take so much in one day."

"Sirius, do you want your broken nose healed now or left to re-set on its own? I can promise you, should you choose the latter, no one will ever put you in the running against Marlene, again."

"What? I was actually considered for prettiest? And I still didn't win? I thought it was only for the ladies. Well, I never. I want a re-vote. How ru—"

With a sigh at his dramatics, Lily said, "For the record, you took second place. _Episkey_." 

The unsettling sound of reshifting bones was only drowned out by the howl that escaped Sirius. He held his newly repaired nose, tears of pain glistening.

James watched the whole thing before asking, "Will someone, please, fill me in?"

"Can we get some ice first, James?" Lily asked. Though Sirius pouted while she worked, she gently prodded and felt around his scalp and neck to check for any other serious injuries.

Five minutes later, Sirius was sitting back against the sofa with a towel of ice over his face, and Lily and James stood watching him, arms crossed over their chests.

"Okay," said James, "what happened? And, Evans, how did you get roped into this?"

So, they recounted the afternoon's events, Sirius getting riled up again when his brother was mentioned. The whole time James stared between Lily and his best friend like the situation was too surreal.

And then Sirius said, "Oh, and Evans had to come with me because she knows how to take care of these kinds of—" He gestured to his swollen face. "—messes. She's getting some sort of training or something."

"What?" James asked while "How do you know about that?" came out of Lily's mouth.

He shrugged. "Marlene mentioned it."

"Hm." Lily narrowed her eyes. "You and Marlene seem to be kind of close, you know."

Though a bundle of ice half covered his face, she saw him blush.

It wasn't a topic she could pursue, however, because James said, "So, that's what you needed that book for. _Potions of Health and Healing_."

"Yes," she said, pleasantly surprised he'd remembered.

The drawing room door opened then, and in stepped a woman with ebony curls piled atop her head and dancing eyes. She was shorter than Lily by an inch or two but appeared taller, commanded attention and order. Lines around her face revealed her late age. Everything about her was delightfully matronly.

"Sirius Black, I hope you haven't done something foolish playing Quidditch, again," this woman—easily recognizable as James's mother—said, coming closer.

Lily caught the significant look passing between the boys, an expression of secrets, before Sirius asked, "Would I _ever_ do something foolish?" and gave her one of his charming grins.

"Mother," said James, grabbing her attention, "may I introduce you to Lily Evans?"

Mrs. Potter faced her with such immediate affection Lily couldn't help but smile. "Miss Evans? In the flesh? My dear, I've heard plenty about you. So much I feel as if I've known you for years!"

Shifting on his feet and rubbing the back of his neck, James offered Lily an innocent shrug, and she just shook her head. Sirius, highly entertained, laughed.

"Well, dear, would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Oh, no, ma'am, thank you but—"

"I insist, dear," said Mrs. Potter. "It'll be no problem at all to set another plate. I better go let the elves know." The next second she was gone.

Whether because of the startled expression on her face or his own nerves, James rushed to say something. "Listen, Evans, you know, my mother, she loves company, and I'm sorry if she's made you uncomfortable and—"

"It's okay, James. Dinner sounds nice, actually."

All of them appeared shocked by her casual response. Sirius even arched a brow, holding the ice away so he could see her properly. "This is a strange day."

Lily fidgeted with her wand and silently wished James would stop staring at her. Something in his eyes made her heart beat in wild hope, and that seemed too dangerous. Clearing her throat, she said, "I'll—I'll just send a quick message to Alice and Marlene. They'll want to know where I've gotten off to."

Taking a deep breath to clear and calm her mind, Lily pulled at a happy memory and summoned her Patronus. The white, ethereal doe pranced out of her wand.

Its appearance extracted unexpected responses from the boys. She tried to ignore James's gasp and wide eyes as well as Sirius's whoops of laughter as she delivered her message. Then the doe shot away, and she planted her hands on her hips.

"Well?" she asked. "Have you never seen a Patronus before?"

"You're adorable, Evans," said Sirius as he wiped tears from his cheeks. "Have we never seen a Patronus before...oh, Evans, believe me. We have _seen many_ things. And now that we've seen yours—oh, Merlin, it's enlightening." And then he broke out in a fit of giggles while James glared at him.

"Padfoot, pull yourself together."

Except, he kept giggling. "Let me just say, Evans, with a Patronus like that, you'll never go _stag_."

Confused, Lily said, "But...it's a doe..."

"Of course it is," Sirius chuckled. "Of course it is."

James pulled his friend off the sofa. "Padfoot, don't you think you ought to go make yourself decent before dinner? You'll give our mother indigestion if she has to look at your face like that while she's eating."

As James nearly shoved Sirius from the room, Lily was entirely aware she was missing out on something significant. 

* * *

Time slipped away in a routine of St. Mungo's shifts, no more ice cream in Diagon Alley, and owls to and from James. Alice wiggled her eyebrows every time they saw his owl knocking at a window, and Lily tried to downplay the growing friendship.

She even received an invitation from his mother to come for dinner, again, and that sent Alice over the edge.

"But don't you know what this means?" Alice asked. "Haven't you read anything about pureblood traditions?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Marlene glanced up from _Witch Weekly_. "Just because the Potters have been all but denounced from the most traditional of pureblood circles doesn't mean they still don't abide by certain customs. Merlin's beard, Lils, catch up on all your wizarding gossip why don't ya?"

"Okay, but what does this have to do with Euphemia's invite to dinner?" asked Lily.

Chuckling and flipping a page, Marlene commented, "First-name basis with his mother...pen-pals...just invite me to the wedding, okay?"

Lily swatted her with her copy of _The Prophet_ , and Alice took charge again. "Listen, Lils, this is what you should consider: if a pureblood wizard wants to court someone—seriously court them, not just go out to Fortescue's for something casual—their decision to proceed is heavily influenced by the matriarch of their family. I think _too_ influenced, but whatever. Anyway, Mrs. Potter's formal dinner invitation is her way of making it clear to both you and James that you have her approval."

Lily sputtered. "B-but James and I are just friends."

"Well," said Marlene, "I've been told mothers always seem to know when their sons are in love."

Staring blankly at the paper rolled in her hands, she felt her cheeks warm. Her stomach flipped over itself. "Love?" she whispered. "Do you really think James is in love with me?"

"Girl," Marlene scoffed, "if he isn't then call me a hippogriff."

And maybe because she wanted James to know she realized she liked him more than any other boy she'd ever met and understood the implication of his mother's invitation, she asked him if he'd like to accompany her to lunch at her parents' house.

They traveled the muggle way, which was his suggestion. Lily asked how his Quidditch training was going, but he was more interested in hearing about her apprenticeship. It was kind, sweet, the way he listened with his whole self. He made her feel enchanting.

Lily could tell they were both nervous as they walked up her street. The houses were quiet, shutters open and welcoming in the pleasant breeze. Birds swooped overhead. Feeling especially courageous, she reached for his hand and said, "They'll love you."

He smiled gratefully down at her, staring at her like she held every last secret in the universe and he was going to do his best to both discover and protect them.

And Lily realized she was falling in love with him, and it wasn't nearly as dangerous as she'd imagined. She recognized the risk; she recognized the worth.

Her father opened the door for them when they knocked, smothering her in a hug and firmly shaking James's hand. Then her mother fluttered over, fussing and kissing cheeks. It was Petunia, though, who made Lily worry.

"Hello, Tuny," she murmured as they stepped into the family room. Her sister looked positively tiny seated next to the man who Lily could only guess was her beau, Vernon. That was his name.

Petunia's smile was stiff. "Lily. I didn't know you were bringing a friend."

"Yes, well, this is James. James Potter."

Lifting a small wave, James said, "Nice to meet you."

"I'm assuming he's...he's a friend from school?" Petunia asked with a sniff.

Lily felt James's body tense in confusion, but she simply said, "Certainly is. And I'm guessing you're Vernon?"

Even though Petunia and her significant other clearly didn't want to be there and participated unwillingly in conversation, Lily relished being with her family. And her heart sang with joy because it was so obvious James belonged there with them. He soaked up every story Mr. Evans told and completely charmed Mrs. Evans with his humor.

James let it slip he was a closet Herbologist— "Herbology?" "It's like horticulture, dad." —and Mr. Evans insisted they go out back to look at the amateur gardening he'd taken up as a hobby. Vernon declined to go with them and sat in the family room with Mrs. Evans, which left Lily and Petunia. Quietly, they cleared the table. Lily ached to say something, to say the right thing. But what was that?

Just like old times, the girls stood in front of the kitchen sink, Lily drying dishes Petunia handed her. If there was ever going to be a time to say something, this was it.

Lily swallowed past the building nerves. With a soft voice, she said, "I've missed you, Tuny. I know...I know you'd probably rather not know me at all, but I miss my big sister. And I'm sorry I don't write you like I should. I'm sorry I'm missing out on what's growing between you and Vernon." She paused to take a steadying breath and see if Petunia would jump in. Though it was clear by her tense body language she was listening, it didn't seem she would say anything. So, Lily finished by saying, "I just want you to know I'm glad I got to see you today. There's this...this war brewing where I've been, and I...well, I don't know, yet, what it means for me. So, I'm glad for this. And I'm grateful I can be here as your little sister."

Again, Petunia didn't so much as breathe one word. They finished the dishes, waited for Mr. Evans and James to come back in, and then it was time to go. The sisters did not hug goodbye, but Petunia surprised Lily when she whispered, "Be well, Lily. Stay safe."

The words were there and gone in an instant, and so was Petunia because she ducked back into the other room.

Mrs. Evans clicked her tongue. "Oh, you know how Tuny is. Doesn't like farewells. Well, it was so wonderful to meet you, James. You take good care of our Lily now."

"Well," James said, that lopsided grin slipping easily onto his lips, "believe me, ma'am, Lily's never had a problem taking care of herself. But if she keeps me around, I'll happily stay."

When they were on the train home, she let James hold her hand. She leaned against his shoulder and felt safe. "You called me _Lily_ ," she said. "You always call me _Evans_."

"I was actually wondering if I could call you my girlfriend," he shot back.

A laugh erupted from her, and she sat up, turning to him in amusement. "James Potter, that was a rubbish line!"

He laughed, too. "But did it work?"

"Yes."

And, though she wasn't the type of girl who went around kissing every boy who made her feel special, she didn't hesitate in leaning over and doing exactly that. His lips were soft, and he tasted like sunshine.

When they broke apart and settled back into their seats, James said, "What did I tell you, Evans? A summer you'll never forget."


	3. Chapter 3: Hogwarts, Fall Term 1977

All anyone could talk about the first week back at school was how on earth James Potter had been appointed Head Boy— _without_ having even made prefect. No on was surprised, naturally, that Lily was their Head Girl. But James Potter...how had he managed it?

Lily probably would have given it more thought had her attention not been more focused on something—rather some _one —_else.

"Evans, why do you keep watching Remus so closely? Everywhere he goes, you watch him."

Bumping affectionately into her boyfriend as they walked from Gryffindor tower to their own Head quarters, Lily smirked. "No need to sound so jealous, James. If I had eyes for Remus—not to mention if he thought of me as someone other than his surrogate sister—he and I would have dated by now. As it is, it seems my standards are too low for him. You know, only interested in wizards who play too much Quidditch and who never learned to brush their hair—hey!"

James poked her side, right where he knew she was most ticklish, and asked, "Okay, so why are you always keeping tabs on him?"

"Because something is going on. You're one of his best mates. You _must_ notice something." She batted his hand away when it went to tickle her, again. "He looks sick. So often. And _so_ ill. I'm worried about him."

"Well," James shrugged, putting his hands in the pockets of his robe, "he seems fine to me."

But Lily was starting to learn James's tells, and whenever he was withholding information his nose twitched and he'd reach up to adjust his glasses. She watched for the sign and, when it came, knew there was something she needed to figure out. It would require a certain level of stealth and cunning since, clearly, no one was going to come out and tell her. So, she let the subject drop.

Between the intensity of her courses and Head duties, Lily was kept from more actively pursuing whatever issue was at hand. Alice and Marlene made demands on her time, too, but she didn't mind that.

"Are you coming to watch our tryouts tomorrow, Lils?" Alice asked one Friday at breakfast.

Lily nibbled at her toast. "For Quidditch?"

"No." Marlene gave her a sardonic look. "To see who's going to be on Hogwarts' first-ever synchronized diving team, which, by the way, will be coached by our very own Giant Squid."

Having walked over in time to catch that comment, James planted a kiss on the top of Lily's head before sitting and asking, "Isn't it a little early in the morning to digest your sarcasm, McKinnon?"

"Never too early for those of strong constitution, Jamie boy," said Sirius as he sat, too, and winked at Marlene.

Lily was about to ask where Peter and Remus were, but Alice beat her to it. "Where are the other two?"

"Alice, dear," Sirius said over a brimming teacup, "everyone's allowed to sleep in."

"Please, not on a school morning." She didn't ask anything else because the post flew in then, and a letter dropped into her lap.

"Another love note from Frank, Al?" Lily found it great fun being the one to suggestively wiggle her eyebrows this time.

Alice flushed and tried to curb her eagerness. "Yes."

"Well, don't let us keep you, you love bird," said Marlene. "Go see what the boy's got to say."

The grin that split across their friend's face as she got up and left was exactly what the girls wanted to see. Merlin only knew just how worried Alice was about her boyfriend. Frank had begun his Auror training over the summer and had often been away for long stretches of time. Away to where was a mystery because most everything about his job was confidential, especially with the excessive number of dark wizards and witches at large. He still had a few months before he took his official exams to be certified, but, from some subtle references Alice had shared from his letters, it was apparent he'd already been included on raids and arrests. Not that there were many arrests. In recent months, the war seemed to be taking a turn and _not_ in favor of the good guys.

What was one of the worst things of the conflict was the distrust it cultivated. No one knew who fought for what because You Know Who and his agents had constructed such a successfully manipulative regime. If entirely innocent witches and wizards were being _Imperio_ 'd or having memories swiped, no one, it seemed, was above suspicion.

Division. Ever-growing.

Her heart surged with gratitude for these friends and the school they could be safe in. Yet, ice settled into her stomach as she thought about how this was their last school year together. Nothing was certain once they left the security of these walls, especially because they couldn't rely on the promise of returning here. They were seventh years. This was it for them.

"Merlin's beard, Evans," said Sirius. "Did someone slip something into your cup? You're nearly as pale as the Baron."

"But infinitely more beautiful," James added.

Lifting her glass of orange juice, Marlene said, "Hear, hear."

That made Lily roll her eyes and reassure her friends she was fine. "Can we get back to these Quidditch tryouts? What time are they tomorrow?"

With plans to hang out at the pitch the next morning, Lily finished eating, and they all went to class. Sirius, as they walked to Transfiguration together and chatted, teased her about her schedule. "Alchemy, Evans? _Double_ Potions? Ancient Runes? Jamie, you're dating the wizarding world's greatest nerd."

James smiled and threw his arm around Lily's shoulders, drawing her near; it was her favorite place to be. "Maybe I'm a real sucker, but I have to admit I find these brains insanely attractive."

Marlene pretended to retch. "Oh, save it, Potter. We already know you're head over heels."

And even though that wasn't news to her, it still gave Lily butterflies.

The day passed quickly, and Lily felt invigorated rather than exhausted by the mountain of homework she brought back to her room in the Heads' dorm. She was slinging her bookbag down on top of her trunk, already thinking of the sources she was going to use in her Ancient Runes essay on the mystery shrouding the number seven, when she noticed the small, cream-colored envelope at the foot of her bed. Only after she'd cast a few detecting spells over it did she pick it up.

Her name was plainly written in cramped cursive, but there wasn't a return address. She wondered why this hadn't been delivered with the morning's post. Breaking through the red wax seal, she pulled out the brief note that read:

_Miss Evans,_

_I'd be delighted if you would join me for tea tomorrow at 11:00am. I am most curious to hear how your summer was._

_-Professor Dumbledore_

A knock at her door startled her, and the note drifted out of her hands. She bent to retrieve it saying, "It's open."

James stood in the doorway in a fresh set of muggle clothes, clearly ready to go manage mischief on such a perfect Friday afternoon. "Please tell me you're not going up to the library to do homework because the sun is shining and—"

The mini explosion in her hand where the note had been disrupted his train of thought, and she let out a small shriek of surprise. Ashes covered her fingers.

"Merlin's beard, Lils, you're alone for five minutes and get up to sketchy magic?"

Recovered enough from the shock to give him a look, she said, "I am not up to sketchy magic. It was just an invitation."

A curious gleam flickered in James's blue eyes, and he cocked his head. "From Dumbledore?"

His spot-on guess struck her funny. "Yes, how'd you know?"

Though he unknowingly gave himself away by fixing his glasses after she saw the twitching of his nose, he simply said, "Who else would send something with that peculiar flare? Anyway, come on. The sun is shining, and I want to take you flying."

"And what if I don't want to go flying?" she asked in a flirtatious tone.

James smirked and stepped closer. In a voice that sent shivers up her spine, he murmured, "Trust me, Evans, I can be very persuasive..."

She let him get closer, felt those butterflies flutter as he dipped his head, and then she pressed her hands to his face, gladly accepting the kiss he gave. Didn't think twice about threading her fingers through his hair. Relished the strength of his arms as they wrapped around her and the strength of his whole body as he held her against him. Her magic hummed, and she told herself she better pull away before things went too far. Because she could feel the energy building between them, knew if she let herself go she'd never say _no_. She'd never say _stop_. As crazy and out of control as it seemed, she never wanted an end with James. She held forever in her palms when she grasped his hands; she could taste it on his lips.

"James." His name a breathy whisper, his forehead pressed against hers. And she was the first to say it. "James Potter, I love you."

She'd seen many different grins adorn this beautiful boy's face, but none like this one. None that might as well have been as vibrant as the sun breaking through after a particularly long storm. None that reminded her so well that there was good in this world and she was literally wrapped up in it.

* * *

Remus was already sitting in the stands when Lily walked down to the pitch with Alice and Marlene in the morning. While they went to gather with the other lions who were trying out, Lily climbed up to her friend and best study buddy.

"Good morning, Remus," she greeted.

The smile he gave her was tired. "'Morning, Lily."

"No offense, but you still seem half asleep."

He sighed. "I certainly wish I was."

"Remus—wait a minute." Lily could hardly believe what she was seeing down on the grass. "Sirius is in charge here? _Sirius_ was made _captain_?"

"What's more bizarre: Sirius as captain or James as Head Boy?"

"Have all our professors lost their minds? And how am I only learning about this now?"

Remus's laugh was hearty and warming. Brushing his hair off his forehead, he said, "Godspeed to you, Lily. I think you'll have to hold the whole castle together this year."

"Let's hope not," she muttered. Then louder, she asked, "Remus, how are you? Like, really, how are you doing?"

Down below, Sirius was barking out orders, explaining to everyone how things were going to be run. Students divided into the three groups: Chasers, Beaters, and Seekers. Sirius, of course, already filled the Keeper's position.

"I'm doing all right," Remus murmured, resting his elbows on his knees. That drew Lily's attention to his forearms, which were slightly uncovered because his sleeves were pushed up. She caught a glimpse of scars matching the ones on his hands. "Just a little tired is all. I'm definitely glad to be back. The wizarding world right now...it's a mess, that's for sure."

Lily couldn't tell if he was attempting to lead her away from her initial inquiry, but she let him. "Yeah, it definitely is. What's your family doing during these times? Are they okay?"

"If by okay you mean terrified and doing their best then yeah." He wore a humorless look as he said it. "But they're fine right now, I suppose."

The approach of a small, blonde boy made Lily smile, and she waved at him, calling out, "Hi, Peter! You're just in time; it looks like they're about to start."

While Remus turned to Peter, Lily silently cast one of her health scanning charms she learned over the summer, grateful Peter started rambling about how he'd overslept and was worried he was missing all the action. He smiled back at her, boyish and adorable, and said, "It's good to see you, Lily. We sure did hear loads about you over the summer."

"From James? Did you guys see each other often?" She hoped it wasn't obvious she had half her mind on the scan results, which were troublingly vague yet indicated something was abnormal.

"Oh, yeah, we got together for sure once a month. Hey, look." Peter pointed. "There's James now. I guess, they're doing Chasers first. I don't know why Padfoot is making him try out. We all know he's basically already on the team."

There was that nickname, again. Lily wanted to ask about it, but Remus said, "Sirius might be dramatic and borderline obnoxious, but you know how he feels about everyone needing to prove they're worthy enough for the team. I'm actually curious who will live up to his high standards."

Watching James soar around the pitch, snag passes, and score goals was a thing of inspiration. Lily was reminded just how fit and athletic he was, and she wondered whether she should stoke his ego and tell him that later. She also kept an eye on Alice when she had a turn searching for the snitch and on Marlene, too, as she redirected bludgers. Selfishly, she hoped all her friends would make the team. This was it; this was their last year. She wanted to spend it cheering for them as they, hopefully, won the Cup.

Tryouts weren't quite finished when she got up and said, "Will you tell the others I'll meet up with you all later?"

Remus arched a brow at her. "Where are you off to?"

"I've been invited to tea with the headmaster. I'll see you later, okay?"

So, once again, Lily found herself sitting with Dumbledore in his office. A tray of tea and biscuits sat on his desk. He asked many questions while they drank and snacked. Then, after she'd felt she'd elaborated on every point of her time at St. Mungo's, the conversation took an interesting turn.

"Yes, I had many good words from Healer Strout," Dumbledore said. "And I am immensely pleased to know it was a fulfilling summer for you. But, Miss Evans, I must confess to having ulterior motives for hoping this apprenticeship was something you excelled at."

She waited and poured fresh tea into her cup, one lump of sugar with it.

Dumbledore continued. "The war is pressing on, as you well know. Voldemort—"

Lily flinched.

"—is as cunning and unrelenting as I knew him to be when he was here as a student. He has shown he is unafraid to go to terrifying and inhumane measures, if he thinks his side will benefit from it. I don't have to spell this out for you; I notice you reading the paper every morning. Now, what I'm about to speak to you about you must promise to not discuss with anyone. Not Miss Costello nor Miss McKinnon nor Mister Potter."

It would have been nice to know what she was about to be getting herself into, but the apprenticeship turned out well, hadn't it? Besides, she had faith in the old man. "I understand, professor."

"I know I can trust you, Miss Evans. Your loyalty not only to your friends and peers is evident but also to what is good and right. Which is why I've decided to tell you about the army of soldiers fighting for what is good and right in this very moment. We do not amass to huge numbers, but we are courageous and clever, dutiful and ingenious. We are the Order of the Phoenix, and we would like for you to join our ranks."

Lily stopped breathing, eyes widening. This was it. This was just what she'd been preparing for. Dumbledore must have known. Surely, Dumbledore must have seen her heart.

"Of course," he went on, "you won't be an official member, if you so decide, until after graduation. But we would continue with combat and secret intelligence trainings. You, Miss Evans, would be a great resource in our midst as we are always in need of a witch or wizard who knows how to patch us back up should we need."

Lily began to breathe again. Began processing.

Still, Dumbledore had more to say. "This is not a decision to make lightly. I understand consequences emerge when you so boldly take a stand for something. There is great risk—greater than anyone fully knows—in opposing Voldemort. Not just for you but your loved ones. Should you become part of the Order, no mother, sister, friend—no one—is spared. No one is safe."

An ironic huff came out of her. "Is anyone, anyway?"

She stared at the cup and saucer in her hands. Hummingbirds and honeysuckle decorated the rims and edges. Such delicate things she held. They could easily chip, easily break, and the power was hers to do it—just as the power was hers to sustain, to restore, to protect.

The headmaster was correct: this was not a decision to make lightly. Yet, it was a decision with a fairly obvious answer. Taking a deep breath, she met Dumbledore's gaze. "I'd be honored to be a member of the Order, professor. Count me in."

He made her swear loyalty and secrecy, and she felt a tug on her magic as she bound a piece of it to doing what was right.

"There are other Order members here at Hogwarts," Dumbledore said. "Some of them staff, some recently recruited students such as yourself. For now, it is imperative identities are kept hidden, so do not try to determine who they may be. Should we all need to meet, you can look for my word. You'll know it when you see it. As for what we'll do to continue your Healing education, I've arranged something with Madame Pomfrey. I suggest going to visit her now, and I thank you for this lovely teatime."

Lily, as she left and made her way toward the infirmary, felt she had just been standing at a crossroads. Both directions held a vision of the future. Both were vastly different. By taking such a definitive step, something had locked into place. There was no going back. She felt it just as she'd felt the magnitude of choosing. She had no remorse over her choice; she simply wondered how, when the time came, she would ever tell James.


	4. Chapter 4: Hogwarts, Fall Term 1977

"Sirius Black, what do you mean he _gave_ you the password?"

"Come now, Evans, you're the most brilliant witch in the entire castle. Surely you comprehend such a basic sentence."

"Get your filthy shoes off this sofa and—"

"What's all this yelling about?"

Lily whirled on the newly-arrived James, who was followed in by Remus and Peter. "James Potter, did you really just hand out the password for our quarters?"

Unwilling to get caught up in her ire, Remus and Peter edged over to the kitchenette and sat down at the small table, the former whispering, "Prongs, I knew you should have asked her..."

"Lils, come on," James began pleading with her. "I didn't just hand it out. I only gave it to the boys. You can share it with Alice and Marlene, if you'd like."

"Oh, yes! Share it with Marlene!"

Soundlessly, Lily hit Sirius with a _silencio_ and crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not the _point_ , James. The point is you should have asked me about this."

"But I knew you wouldn't mind."

"But I mind being excluded from decisions that affect my life, too. I mind when someone decides they get to make up my mind for me!"

She did not wait for his response. Instead, she summoned her sweater from her room, marched past her sorry looking boyfriend, and pulled the door closed behind her on her way out. For the time being, she needed space. Some time to cool off and sort through the layers of her heart. Because she hadn't meant to yell at James. She didn't know where that had come from. Oh, she certainly wasn't pleased he'd not asked her before distributing their shared password; but not upset enough to yell. She disliked that she had raised her voice.

In a hurry, she weaved through a maze of passages and moving staircases. She hardly noticed Peeves as he tormented Filch, smiled vaguely as she passed fellow Slug Club-er Adrian. Her mind was elsewhere even as her feet carried her out into the courtyard. Well, out and quickly back under an eave.

Rain poured down, and deep puddles already collected in various spots around the yard. Applying a perpetual drying charm to the stone corner she was seeking shelter in, she crouched, leaning back against the wall. She'd come searching for sunshine. This was not it. Yet, there was something calming about listening to the storm. Something reassuring about the world also getting moody.

And why was she so moody, anyway?

When she made herself inhale and exhale deeply, she realized how hunched and tense her shoulders were. Stress. She was stressed like she'd never been before. The whole world lived against the backdrop of this war, and _The Prophet_ continued adding color to that picture in vibrant, horrifying ways. What was worse, though, was being back at school and catching up with peers she hadn't seen over the summer. They wore far too somber expressions and told grave stories of siblings and cousins, uncles and neighbors, who'd gone out one morning only to never return. And there were those students—classmates she'd learned and watched games out on the pitch with—who hadn't come back for fall term at all. There were whispers and rumors. Even school children were not spared from the dark magic. It was just as Dumbledore had said. 

Then there were her academics to keep track of, though, honestly, they were proving to be the easiest to manage. She was more concerned about the time she spent with Madame Pomfrey memorizing more Healing spells, charms, and potions. She was more concerned about Remus and how he was still looking as under the weather as ever. And she worried about her family because didn't everything circle back to the war? Back to the war and her decision to join the Order. She'd known before she'd been putting her family at risk by simply continuing to be a muggleborn witch getting her education at Hogwarts and trying to make a way in this magical world. Now she knew she'd taken it a step further.

It was nearly Halloween, and with every passing week she thought more and more about the people she loved and how she was that much closer to being out there increasing the danger they were in. And that was probably why she'd snapped at James—because her nerves were on edge keeping such a big secret from him in the first place and because this big secret might cost him his life. He should know that, but he couldn't. Not when she'd made that promise to Dumbledore.

She thought back to this past Saturday watching him—as well as Alice, Marlene, and Sirius—demolish Ravenclaw in a match that had her and Peter on their feet the whole time cheering like crazy. After they'd won, she'd run down to meet James on the grass. It hadn't mattered he was sweaty and in need of a shower; she'd launched herself into his arms, and he caught her, spinning her around. They'd kissed right there even though the entire school was still milling about, and they'd endured Sirius's catcalling. She swore, in that moment, she'd never felt life as zealous and unhindered before. She wanted to hold on, linger in this life she was finding, but couldn't keep it still. All she could do was hold onto James, but she wouldn't fool herself into thinking fate would allow her the time to hold on forever. 

And that made her cry. Right there in the courtyard. Under her snug, dry eave. She cried, and she understood it was because she loved the bloody boy more than she thought possible and could not so much as bear the thought of losing him. In a world that wasn't being torn apart at the seams, she would scold herself for being such a ninny. But reality told her she had every reason to be frightened at the notion of being separated from James. 

She had not thought of this particular, war-born divide until recently, and she didn't know how to deal with it.

A gentle voice spoke near her, and she lifted her head to see Dumbledore standing, hands behind his back and staring out into the storm, in the entryway to the castle. "My dear Miss Evans, there are no easy paths to tread for the living who so choose to defend, and hope can feel difficult to come by."

When he didn't appear to be saying anything more, she sniffed and asked, "Professor, why are you saying this to me?"

"Because." He moved toward her, and the rain seemed to deflect off him. He held a hanky out to her. "Because, by joining the Order, you've charted a course that may prove impossible to navigate. _Or_ it could not. And I say this to you because I know you will find heartache in the coming days." His eyes twinkled down at her. "But, Lily, I promise you: there will be so much more than that."

She accepted the hanky and wiped her nose. "How do you know that, sir?"

"Because I'm old enough to see the balance of this life, and she does not take more than she knows you can stand to lose nor does she fail to give more than you could imagine." He turned as if to leave her, but then he paused and said this: "You may speak with James of what weighs your heart. I am certain you will find him understanding."

After the headmaster's departure, Lily stayed to watch the rain for a few more minutes. Then she picked herself up, brushed herself off, and started walking back to the Heads' dorm. Halfway there, she and James met up.

He was coming down the same corridor she was turning a corner around, a piece of parchment in his hands. Panic lit his expression, and he immediately ran to her and started apologizing. "Lily, I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I'm such an idiot. Oh, no, have you been crying? I didn't mean for you to cry."

"James, it's fine." She circled her arms around him in a hug. She held on tightly with her cheek against his chest. "I'm not crying about that."

Without hesitating, James held her right back. "Then what's wrong? Did something else happen?"

"We should talk about this somewhere private."

"Lils, if you're breaking up with me, not gonna lie but I'm going to be sick."

She backed away so she could punch him in the arm. "I'm _not_ breaking up with you. But there is something else we need to talk about."

They made their way back to their shared dormitory, which was empty now. James sat on one side of the sofa, rubbed the back of his neck, and said, "Uh, the boys figured they'd come back later..."

"James," Lily started as she sat down, too, "what I'm about to tell you needs to stay an absolute secret. And I want to apologize in advance because I've made a decision that most likely has put your life at severe risk. I'm sorry, and I can't figure a way around that. I can't figure out a way to keep you safe. Or, at least, I can think of one way that might work but it could mean calling things off between us and that's the last thing I want to do and—"

"Lils." James interrupted her word vomiting, and the panic in his face subsided, replaced with what surely could not have been a look of amusement. This was the most serious conversation they'd ever had. This— "Is this about the Order of the Phoenix? Have you joined the Order, too?"

Nothing was expected these days, and she certainly hadn't expected James to say that. Daring to breathe, she cautiously asked, "Did you say _too_? As in, you're _also_ a member?"

With a nod and a smile, James said, "Yes. Oh, thank Merlin, I was _dying_ to talk to you about it. Sirius and I joined this summer, and I wanted to tell you so badly. But Dumbledore didn't want you to be even more at risk being out and about at St. Mungo's. And—"

"Wait, _Sirius_ is a member as well?"

Another nod. "And Remus, too. I think Dumbledore will probably recruit Peter next, but we'll see." Then softer, he said, "No wonder Dumbledore was talking to you just now and sent you that invite to tea..."

"How do you know he and I were just talking?" She frowned.

"Oh," said James, waving a hand, "magic." Lily was about to call him out on that insufficient answer when he sobered and added, "Lily, you shouldn't worry yourself over me. At least, not anymore than you worry over everyone else. You and I...well, we've both taken this step to fight, and we both know what that means. But are we going to spend the time we have together worrying? Or are we going to do a little living?"

A sigh fell from her lips, and she leaned forward, elbows on knees. The hearth was lit with a crackling fire, and she stared into the flames. What kind of Gryffindor was she, too scared to do, as James said, a little living? Lily didn't want to exist in a box. Boxes, containment, belonged to the dead. And she was very much alive. She knew her spirit was strong.

Facing her boyfriend, she reached for his hand, squeezed it, and said, "Let's live a little, James."

And there was that sunshine grin of his. Then he asked, "Hey, is it okay if I go get the boys? It'd be nice to all hang out, you know?" He hopped up from his cushion.

"Sure." She smiled. "But make sure they bring their homework so we're not just sitting around wasting time. And grab Alice and Marlene, if they're around, too."

While James raced off to Gryffindor tower, Lily went to grab her bookbag from her room. The parchment James had been carrying caught her attention as she sat back down because it lay right there on the coffee table in front of her. Curious, she picked it up and unfolded it.

_How very odd_ , she thought, _there's nothing here._

She quickly threw it back down on the tabletop. What if this was part of some practical joke James was scheming with Sirius? Since she was a smart witch, she poked at it with a simple revealing spell.

Needless to say, she was instantly curious once words started showing up.

_Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are proud to present the Marauder's Map_.

Padfoot. Another appearance of that name.

More words faded in.

_Mr. Moony wishes Lily a good evening and would advise her to put the map down quickly and walk away._

_Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony doesn't know how to have any fun anymore and is wondering if Lily would like to hear embarrassing stories about a one James Potter?_

_Mr. Prongs will politely decline that offer on behalf of the lovely Miss Evans._

_Mr. Padfoot would like to point out it doesn't work that way and that Lily should know about —_

_Mr. Wormtail says hello and will probably regret putting himself between Messrs Prongs and Padfoot._

_Mr. Moony wishes to reiterate his original advice._

_Mr. Padfoot, once again, fails to see how Messr Moony isn't finding this an utterly prime and hysterical opportunity._

_Mr. Prongs would like to put in a fine word for the one lad James Potter as he is dashing, wildly courageous, and a phenomenal Quidditch player._

_Mr. Padfoot would —_

Lily, confused yet intrigued, did what she should have done initially: followed Messr Moony's advice and folded the parchment up. Though she wanted answers about it, she left it there on the coffee table and figured this was simply another mystery to figure out.

But Padfoot...there was something about Sirius now, too, that was more than a little suspicious.


	5. Chapter 5: Hogwarts, Fall Term 1977

Thanks to her arrangement with Madame Pomfrey, Lily's investigation about what was wrong with Remus gained some headway. It happened one afternoon as they were taking inventory of the potion storeroom. A small crate of vials filled with a grey liquid labeled _R. Lupin_ caught her eye.

"These are for Remus?" Lily asked and hoped she didn't sound too anxious to hear the answer. "I didn't know he was sick."

"Just a long-standing condition. But don't you worry, dearie. He comes in once a month, and we do our best for him," said the sweet old nurse.

So, Remus _was_ ill with something; she hadn't been overreacting or seeing things that weren't there. She only wished she could see it a bit clearer.

Lily spent many hours—though not as many as she would have liked—in the infirmary learning from Madame Pomfrey and down in the dungeons brewing with Slughorn to keep the potion storeroom stocked. Working with Slughorn, despite his moments of arrogance, was always interesting because he knew his field, and he knew it well. Because she was quick to catch on and sharp in her brewing, she could tell Slughorn appreciated her company and was happy to pass his knowledge along to her.

Then, around the first week in November, Lily received a bit of post that quite made her forget about the things she was dealing with at school. An invitation flew in one morning—from her sister. Or, rather, from her mother regarding her sister.

_Lily,_

_I'm so sorry I didn't write you earlier about this, but Petunia is a particularly private girl at times. Anyway, the happy news is that she and Vernon are engaged and will be getting married very soon! It's to be a Christmas wedding! Well, not actually on Christmas, but close enough. Your father even convinced her to let you have a plus one. We look forward to seeing you and James there._

_Love, Mum_

Petunia? Engaged? And she hadn't written to share the news with her little sister?

Lily was not under the impression things were fixed between them, but she'd made it a point to write something to Petunia every other week. Sure, she'd never gotten a reply to any of them. But she thought Petunia respected her enough to inform her of something of this magnitude. This wasn't just any passing information; this was Petunia spending the rest of her life with someone!

With the note from her mother was the official wedding invitation. She lost her appetite completely when she saw the date to RSVP was the same as today's. How could Petunia do this to her? A bad churning in her gut forced her up from the table, yet not before she'd quickly pulled out a quill and checked the box indicating she and her guest would be attending. Then she hurried off to the owlery.

The Gryffindors had a morning practice session out on the pitch and were walking back up to the castle as Lily was returning from sending off her reply. James grinned upon seeing her and broke off from his teammates to wait for her.

"Good morning, Lils," he said with a quick kiss to her cheek. "Who you sending mail to so early in the day?"

As was her tell when she was especially distressed, Lily started spitting out sentence after sentence in a fast and almost incoherent way. She explained the situation to James, hoping he was fine she replied for the both of them.

"Oh, Lily," he murmured. He smiled down at her and offered his hand, which she gladly and readily took. "You must know I'll go anywhere—everywhere—with you."

Leave it to James to put her at ease.

So, she tried not to let Petunia's silent gesture sting her, and she resumed her worrying over Remus. Resumed her odd suspicion of Sirius. She was noticing that, as the month wore on, Remus began looking more and more ragged. And, with Sirius, the only thing she noticed was that he was only getting more and more obnoxious in his flirting with Marlene.

Lily questioned her friend about it one night as the two of them plus Alice lounged around Lily's room. "Marlene, are you ever going to go out with him?"

"Who?"

Alice scoffed. "Sirius Black, duh!"

"He seems really into you," Lily added.

That made a wistful look enter Marlene's face and voice. "Does he?"

"Marlene." Alice, who'd been laying on her back on the bed and staring up at the ceiling, flipped over in disbelief. "Haven't you heard Peeves singing that obnoxious song about you and Sirius sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N—"

Lily snorted. "Who hasn't?"

"Well, it's because Sirius told him to. Told him and has practically told the whole school he's going to literally sweep you off your feet after the next Quidditch match," finished Alice."

"Which," said Marlene, "doesn't make sense because I'll already be on a broom."

"Don't turn this into a conversation of technicalities," Alice said.

"Why not?" Marlene got up from where she was sitting cross-legged on the rug and started digging around Lily's vanity. "This whole conversation hinges on a technicality, which is that, _technically_ , Sirius has never said he likes me. _Technically_ , he's only ever proved he's the exact opposite of someone who's looking for commitment."

Lily watched her friend dig around for a length of red ribbon and then begin braiding her blonde hair back. Even though, from her angle next to Alice, she could only see half of Marlene's face, Lily could tell she was disgruntled. Softly, Lily said, "Everyone has to grow up at some point."

Pausing in her braiding, Marlene turned to meet Lily's eyes. "And you think Sirius has?"

She thought about how James had told her Sirius had also decided to become a member of the Order. Dumbledore would never have made him an offer if he thought he was too immature for it. Still, Lily couldn't forget that just the other day a whole batch of dungbombs went off directly outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room, and, though he told her he had an alibi, she was fairly convinced Sirius was the mastermind behind it. 

But she, annoyingly enough, discovered she wouldn't want Sirius to give up his fun for the sake of growing up. There was too much growing up to do already.

"He's getting there," was the answer she gave Marlene, and she smiled as she said it.

Marlene smirked, her spirits restoring, and faced the mirror, again. "Can we talk about someone else's love life now? Al, what's the latest on Frank?"

While her friends were doing fine, staying safe within the castle, Lily continued hunting for clues as to what the boys were doing. Though all four of them were especially gifted at hiding things from the teachers, they were not so good at hiding from her. Frequently, they sat together around the hearth in the Heads' dorm. They were supposed to be doing homework, but, more often than not, they mostly sat around scheming. If Lily was sitting there with them, their plans were mostly about potential pranks they could pull that, for her sake, were harmless. Or maybe it was for their sake because they knew she was not afraid of taking points from them or issuing a detention for anything too wild.

Yet, if they thought she was tucked away in her room doing homework and couldn't hear, they gathered together muttering about something. Lily couldn't be sure what exactly they had in mind, but it seemed like something was approaching, some event they were getting ready for.

She was also trying to scheme something of her own and was waiting for good timing. Ever since she'd seen those vials with Remus's name on them, she'd meant to take a closer look and figure out what they were made of. Madame Pomfrey kept her so busy, though, she hadn't gotten around to it. She didn't want to get caught and questioned by the witch, either, so she devised a plan to sneak up to the infirmary late one night at the end of the month.

To ensure James didn't suspect anything was up, she kept to her normal routine of homework with the girls in the library until curfew and then was planning on settling into bed. Back in their shared dorm, though, it didn't even seem like James was back, which wasn't terribly abnormal for him. She could admit that sometimes it seemed like James took advantage of his privileges as Head Boy, but she couldn't blame him for it when it didn't seem like he was getting into any trouble with Sirius. And she knew he couldn't be out with Remus because, apparently, he'd been called away to visit his ill mother.

Lily stuck to her routine but didn't really get ready for bed. Again and again, she ran over her plan in her mind. She was just going to pop into the infirmary, grab a vial, and pop back out. It would take less than a minute. She had all the supplies she needed right here in her room to break the potion down and learn its qualities and content.

As she paced her room, she stopped before her window and peered out at the night. The moon was so bright, and she knew the previous night's full moon had been even brighter. Hogwarts' grounds were well-lit, and she gazed adoringly at this place she loved so much. In amazement, she watched as it seemed a deer of some kind trotted along the shores of the lake. She blinked then blinked again to make sure she wasn't just seeing something, but the deer was still there. How beautiful. How peaceful. She continued with her pacing.

Then, when the hour chimed, she carefully listened at her closed door to hear if James was out and about. Not hearing anything, she slipped out of her room and out of the dorm, treading carefully and quietly through the castle up to the infirmary. So far, so good. No signs of Mrs. Norris or Filch.

But her problem wasn't to be with the groundskeeper and his satanic cat. No, Lily found, when she stepped through the doors of the infirmary, her problem was with Remus, who was definitely supposed to be visiting his mother, and the black dog resting at the end of his bed.

Actually, both of them seemed to be sleeping, and Lily crept as quietly as she could to the bedside. She watched the dog as she neared, wary that it might wake up and stir her friend. The dog slept, however, and she wondered where it came from. Had Madame Pomfrey let it in? Certainly she would take issue with an animal being in her ward; she worked so hard to keep things sterilized and in order.

This dog, though a little mangy, looked sweet, so Lily thought maybe Madame Pomfrey wouldn't mind. Lily turned her attention to her resting friend. 

And Remus. Poor Remus. He really did look exhausted and worn down. Fresh marks ran up his neck, and she wished she knew what happened to him. Wished she knew how she could help. She knew she should be about her business and get out of there before anyone happened to pop in, but she couldn't help but sit beside him. She knew it was foolish, but she did it, anyway.

As she sat there, she felt the pressure behind her eyes build. Tears started to well. What was she supposed to do for him? Let him suffer like this? Let him carry whatever burdens he had by himself? For as long as she'd known him—he'd been a good study partner and fellow Quidditch spectator since third year—he'd been nothing but kind to her. He was a good man, and she never had cause to doubt it.

"Oh, Remus," she murmured as she lifted a gentle hand to smooth the hair from his brow. He slept deeply. "Oh, my sweet friend."

She couldn't stay any longer or else she'd risk being caught by Madame Pomfrey or some other professor. Or worse she'd have a run-in with Filch, and nobody wanted that.

So, she rose from the bed with one lingering, sorrowful glance at the prone boy. Then she went to the supply closet, grabbed what she needed, and left. 


	6. Chapter 6: Hogwarts, Fall Term 1977

When Remus appeared in classes a few days later, Lily didn't mention that she knew he'd been in the infirmary. Sirius, however, watched her carefully like _she_ was somehow the suspicious one, and she almost called him out on it. She chose not to because she didn't want him to know exactly how observant she was.

Nearly a week passed before Lily had time—a free Saturday—to work on this personal project of hers. She woke up early because she loved mornings but was also eager to begin.

Slughorn had taught her a while ago the intricacies of how to pick apart the elements of a potion or poison—poison work being especially dangerous—to discern its make-up. Most required an alternating process of boiling down, cooling, then boiling, again, as well as the application of moly, which was used for its counteractive abilities. For only having a relatively small sample, the process was more time consuming than she'd anticipated.

At some point, James knocked on her door. "Lily? You in there? I was just down having breakfast and thought you'd be there..."

She'd set up her cauldron and workspace on the stone floor on the side of her bed opposite the door. Since it was enough out of view and was going through one of the cooling phases, she got up to talk to James. She didn't open the door all the way and hovered there a little nervously. "Hullo, James."

Frowning, he asked, "You're still in your pajamas? Are you feeling good?" He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead before she could respond. "You must be coming down with something; you're quite warm. You might have a fever."

"Actually," she said, leaning into this readily available excuse, "I'm not feeling the best this morning. I think I'm going to lay back down and rest some more."

"Of course, of course. Should I bring you anything? I could put the kettle on and get you some tea, at the very least." James's worried eyes roved over her. "Yes, I'll do that. You get back into bed, and I'll bring it in when it's ready."

He made to walk over to their kitchenette, but Lily first had to say, "Oh, no, James. I don't want you catching any of my germs. I'll come grab the tea myself, okay?"

It was an argument he let her win because, as he said, "All right, all right. I don't want to fight with a sick witch. But next time I get to wait on you hand and foot."

Lily smiled to think Euphemia had raised her son well.

Then she was back at it, starting up another round of heat application The boys came by at one point, and, through the door, she heard muffled conversation and laughter. Peter came close enough to say, "I hope you feel better soon, Lily."

"Yeah, and, Lils," James added, "we're going out, but I'll be back to check on you in a bit, okay?"

She did her best to sound sleepy when she said, "Okay, have fun. Don't worry 'bout me."

After the heating and cooling had finished, she knew she needed to let the results sit for a while. Everything had more clarity, Slughorn had told her, after it had time to settle. That was perfect for Lily, anyway, because she'd consumed nothing but a mug of tea all day and needed sustenance.

The quiet space she stepped out into was peaceful and cozy. A fire snapped in the hearth. Early December light streamed in through the windows. Lily made herself toast and then sat down on the rug directly in front of the fire. She reached over to the basket of blankets beside the sofa and wrapped one around herself. The only thing that would have made it better was if James was there.

He and the boys came back maybe twenty minutes later. Upon seeing her snuggled up by the hearth, James became a walking embodiment of joy.

"Lily! You're looking more lively than you did this morning! How are you feeling?" Even though he had been warned about germs earlier, he left his boots and outer layers near the door and joined her. His nose was red. Quite red. So, Lily opened up her blanket to him.

"I think I _am_ better, actually," she murmured. "Where have you all been?"

Peter, equally as cold looking, came over to warm his fingers. "Had to have our annual end of term snowball fight. Which, by the way, Remus and I totally destroyed these other two fools."

As they all expected, Peter's trash talking elicited cries of outrage from the two boys who might as well have been brothers. James started pointing out all the ways he figured he hadn't lost, and Sirius moved in closer to the fire.

James was pausing his analysis for a quick breath when Sirius piped up with something seemingly off-topic. "Hey, do you guys smell that?"

"Smell what?" Remus asked, dropping down onto the sofa and taking a blanket for himself.

"It smells like..." He took a few sniffs. "Like Slughorn's classroom."

"I think I've spent too much time there with him and have built up an immunity to that, if there is a certain odor," Lily said. Then she turned her gaze from the fire she'd been watching to Sirius, and she was sure the steadiness in her eyes let him know she knew. She knew he'd made such a comment because he was also onto her. Whatever was going on, she needed to be the first to the finish.

"Speaking of old Sluggy," said James, "when's his holiday party, again?"

Lily turned to her boyfriend. "Next weekend. And maybe I should charm the date to your forehead so you'll stop forgetting." Of course, she meant well and punctuated her teasing with a kiss to his cheek.

"You just wait until you get a look at me next weekend, Lils. I'll look so dashing in my robes that we'll be late to the party because you'll drag me into a broom closet to snog me senseless on the way."

"Right," she rolled her eyes, "that's _exactly_ how it'll go."

"Say, can I wear my robes to your sister's wedding?"

Thus launched the gang into a confusing—for the boys—and enlightening—also for the boys—conversation about how Petunia would murder her own sister if Lily were to show up with a plus one who appeared to be anyone other than a muggle. Even a muggle who was too 'out there' would have been a sin.

Then, after Peter's stomach growled for a third time, they all agreed they ought to go down to dinner. Marlene and Alice were entering the Great Hall at the same time, so the seven of them sat together. Continuing her role of sick but recovering, Lily didn't eat much and mostly let her friends carry the conversation. She did her best not to think about the results waiting for her in her room and to not notice the way Sirius kept trying to grab her attention.

At the end of the meal, everyone went their separate ways. Alice said she needed to get some more work done, so Remus and Peter declared they did, too, and made plans to spend the evening in the library; James said he was going for a night flight because the sky was too perfect to resist, the stars too bright to be ignored; and Marlene and Sirius gave such vague explanations regarding where they were off to everyone figured they were going to fool around somewhere, and _no one_ wanted details about _that_. Claiming she was tired, Lily excused herself back to her dorm.

She wasted no time obtaining the answers she'd worked so diligently—and dare she admit mischievously?—for. The results, as she realized them, were puzzling. The potion was quite simple in its composition with high concentrations of dittany, wormwood, and powdered silver. Wormwood made sense as it was often used in various forms of healing. Dittany, though? Powdered silver? Lily didn't know what to make of it and began pacing, making her legs move in hopes her mind would start up with its mental laps.

Dittany. Powdered silver. What did those things have in common? More importantly, what did they have in common with Remus?

She paused in front of the window as the sliver of the waxing moon caught her attention. It was so delicate up there against the stars. Fascinating—the moon and its phases.

The moon.

Lily's brain moved at a quickening pace. Moon. Moony. Wait, moony? Yes, that strange parchment James had left out. It had mentioned Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.

Padfoot. She couldn't forget that name. She couldn't forget it had something to do with Sirius. Padfoot. Moony.

Remus, whom Madame Pomfrey said was in to see her for an on-going condition once a month, had been in the infirmary the night after the full moon had risen. A dog with black, wavy fur had slept at his feet. Moony. Padfoot.

Was Sirius an Animagus? And was Remus a...a werewolf?

As she wracked her brain for every sign and every clue that indicated her hunch could be improbably right, she began piecing together a puzzle that was making more and more sense. And if she was right, which she definitely thought she was, what was there to do? What she knew about werewolves was shamefully limited, but she did know this: werewolves often were forced into reclusive, lonesome lives because they were rejected by magical society. If this was the truth about her dear friend, she would not leave him to that life. Not Remus. Not the boy she thought of as a brother.

The first step in figuring out what to do was the sensible thing—she would research and learn what was already being done to help werewolves, learn what there was to be expanded on and the work she could take up to do her part in caring for her friend. Her room was by no means a library, but she had a dozen books she immediately recognized as places she could start. She lined them up on her floor, one-by-one, opened them to the relevant chapters and grabbed the first one. Before too long, she realized she needed a quill and paper, so she frantically found some, not wanting to waste a single moment of research.

She was so immersed in her project she didn't notice Sirius had opened her bedroom door and was standing there until he said, "Merlin's beard, Evans, you _must_ be ill. What, in the name of all that is good, has you studying like a maniac?"

She yelped in surprise. "Sirius! What do you think you're doing? You can't just walk in on someone!"

Ignoring that, he stepped in and peered around. "I knew it," he whispered triumphantly. "I knew you were doing potions work earlier."

"Yes," she said, annoyed with him for distracting her and knowing she had the upper-hand, "I'm sure your canine senses are highly accurate."

Sirius's head whipped around in her direction. Tension rolled off him. "What did you say?"

"Sirius, I'm trying to work on something," she huffed. "This is not the time to chat."

The way he stared at her expressed very clearly he thought she'd gone mad indeed. "Evans, I didn't seek you out because I wanted a casual chat. I'm here because you're _up_ to _something_."

" _I'm_ up to something? I rather thought _you've_ been up to something."

His mouth dropped open for a quick second before he said, "I'm not the one stealing potions from Madame Pomfrey. What are you even doing in here? Making magical narcotics?"

It was such a preposterous notion Lily laughed. Laughed loudly. "Sirius Black, do you even know me?" Then she arched a brow at him. "And, by the way, thank you for confirming one of my hunches."

"What are you...what are you talking about?" He tried to feign casualness, but crossing his arms over his chest wasn't working for him.

"There's only one reason—"

"There are usually multiple reasons behind everything."

"—you would know I took something from the infirmary store room." She kept a level gaze on him, deciding she was going to put her negotiation skills to the test. "And you're going to tell me how you're an Animagus and are getting away with it or—"

"Or what?"

A delightful deviousness made her smirk as she quickly reached for a wildcard that could either be nothing or a really helpful something. Her response was to stand and walk out into the common room, followed by Sirius. The mysterious bit of parchment was right where she last remembered seeing it: on the mantle. She knew she'd made the right move when she snatched it up because she saw Sirius try to make the worry that slipped onto his face disappear. Knowing she held something important, she said, "Or I throw this into the fire."

Calling her bluff, Sirius, defiantly, said, "You wouldn't."

She let her arm drop and made a motion of tossing it in.

"Wait, wait! Lily, don't do it!" She only arched her brows, and Sirius sighed. "I'll tell you about it, okay? Just please don't burn that. You don't know how long it took us to perfect it."

"What even _is_ it?"

"That was't part of the deal."

"Are you standing here by the fire, Sirius, or am I?"

"Has anyone ever told you, Evans, that you should have been sorted into Slytherin?"

"Don't insult my cleverness and resourcefulness."

"Fine, fine, whatever." Sirius, accepting defeat, perched on one arm of the sofa. "It's a map."

"Well, yes, I got that far."

He tilted his head at her. "Pardon?"

"Well," she said, waving the parchment she still held, "you tap it, and it says it's a map. Messrs Moony, Wormtail—"

"Padfoot and Prongs are proud to present the Marauder's Map," Sirius finished. "Evans, have you been snooping into James's things?"

"No!" Slightly affronted at the question of her integrity, she frowned at him. "He left it out one day, and it's not a crime to be curious. Besides, if it's really a map, it doesn't work."

Pleased for the first time during this strange confrontation, Sirius grinned. "Of course it does. You just didn't do it right. Come here, Evans. I'd be lying if I claimed I actually don't trust you, so let me show you."

She carefully moved to the sofa and sat. "Your words imply you were considering the possibility that I wasn't trustworthy."

"And you, though you haven't confirmed it, stole a potion from Madame Pomfrey last week and were pretending to be sick all day." Sirius followed that up by taking out his wand, touching the end of it to the parchment, and stating, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Like magic—which Lily reminded herself she was surrounded by the stuff—black lines and swirls began to appear, and a drawing of the castle was quick to show. Then the same title she'd seen before popped up. At a gesture from Sirius, she opened the map.

The whole of the castle lay within these pages, and, as she continued the unfolding process, saw familiar rooms fade in as well as passages and alcoves she hadn't known existed. Names of students and teachers floated around and down corridors. So many of their peers were in the library. She spied Sev's name in his common room.

"Pretty cool, isn't it?" Sirius whispered. "The boys and I whipped this thing up fourth year. Well, started it fourth, perfected it fifth."

"This..." Lily shook her head in amazement. "This is extraordinary." A realization hit her. "This is how you never get caught for all the trouble you get into, isn't it?"

"Evans, don't you know every man is allowed to have his secrets?"

"Sure," she said, piercing him with an unwavering stare, "but part of me agreeing to not burn this thing requires you telling me how you're an Animagus."

Sirius tried to be casual, again. "Well, it's a simple bit of magic really..."

"It is not, and you know it. Not to mention, there's an official Animagus registry that is required of all wizards and witches of such capabilities, and you are not on it."

Oddly enough, Sirius looked pained. Voice soft and almost regretful, he said, "Lily, I can't tell you everything because some secrets are not mine to share."

She took a minute to read his body language, took a minute to analyze all she knew. Then, kindly, she asked, "Because you're trying to protect Remus?"

Because she'd been watching for his reaction, she noticed the subtle stiffening in his posture. "Why would you wonder that?"

"Because this," she tapped the map with a finger, "told me as much. Messrs _Moony_ , Wormtail, _Padfoot_ and Prongs. I can only guess James and Peter are the other two. And Remus..." She shook her head. "I can't believe I was so oblivious to his condition before. Sirius, I wasn't studying like a maniac just now in my room, and I certainly wasn't making magical narcotics. I was _researching_. I don't know a lot about werewolves, and I don't know how I can help Remus. But I intend to."

Though she'd just laid all her cards on the table, Sirius was uncharacteristically quiet. He stared down at his hands, rubbing his knuckles. It was like she could almost hear the silent debate he was having with himself. What should he tell her? _Should_ he tell her anything at all?

"Sirius," she said gently, "you said it yourself: you can trust me. I only want to be a good friend to Remus."

So, Sirius caved and told her the story of one young, sick lion who'd been sick nearly his whole life and despaired that loneliness was the only thing in store for him. Even as that lion made three very good friends in his House, he believed the truth—the ugly danger—of who he was would push them away. Yet, this little lion didn't know the courage, affection, and loyalty these friends kept in their hearts, didn't know until they proved it by doing what they had to in order to walk with him and care for him when he was at his weakest.

Lily wasn't sure how to best process this. "He could kill you all. Every month, when he changes, he could kill you. And, if anyone finds out, you could go to Azkaban for this. Good Godric, the amount of trouble you all make for yourselves is beyond ridiculous. Yes, yes, I know you do it for Remus. I would do the same. It's still crazy." Then something hit her. "Wait, what's James's Animagus form?"

That made Sirius chuckle and point at the map. "You should ask him yourself. He's nearly here, anyway."

James probably felt ambushed when he walked in a minute later, broom over one shoulder and feeling refreshed from flying. He gave a curious look to his girlfriend and best friend as they sat on the sofa and watched him. "What's going on?"

"James, I'm learning many things tonight," Lily said, and she raised the map for emphasis, which, clearly, wasn't what James was expecting. "So, who are you? Messr Wormtail? Or Prongs?"

Then he smiled and said, "I've been waiting to show you this for a long time, Lils."

For a second, she worried he was going to transform right there in the middle of their common room. Instead, he took out his wand and muttered, " _Expecto Patronum_."

Lily understood, felt she'd finally figured out all the mysteries, when she watched a stag—that looked like it could be a very good companion to her doe—emerge from his wand.


	7. Chapter 7: Winter Break, 1977-78

To say Lily was heartbroken to not be standing with her big sister on Petunia's momentous day was an understatement. She sat in the pews in the little church in Cokeworth with her parents, James, and the rest of the guests. It was a relatively small wedding. Lily didn't have any cousins, all the extended family either estranged or deceased. The majority of the guests present, then, were from Vernon's side. They all looked especially normal, which was sure to please Petunia immensely. Though, there was a rather large woman sitting in the very front pew who appeared to have brought a bulldog as her plus one. 

And Lily tried not to let her sorrow overshadow the joy in her heart. She knew it was a gift to simply be at the wedding, knew she didn't need to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor to support her sister. Still, Lily was hurt.

James must have sensed something because he, without looking away from the officiant, took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb soothingly over it. This grief was singular to Lily, but she clung to James and was grateful she didn't have to carry it on her own.

Her mother, too, must have understood her youngest daughter's secret pain because she sought a quiet moment with her during the reception. "Hello, dear. Lovely, isn't it?"

Lily sidled a little closer to Mrs. Evans as they stood to the side of the dance floor and watched Petunia and Vernon enjoy their first dance. "Yes," she murmured. "Tuny's always been beautiful." She only realized she was crying when Mrs. Evans wiped her tears.

"She loves you, you know," whispered Mrs. Evans. "I just don't think she's learned how to show it while she still feels so rejected from the very most important pieces of your life. But she loves, Lily. I know she does."

Accepting her mother's words, Lily excused herself to duck out into a quiet corridor in the reception hall. She didn't think badly of her sister, had needed the comfort from her mother, and now needed this moment to process and let go of the injustice she felt she'd been dealt.

_Where are the answers?_ she asked herself. _When will Tuny and I know how to be sisters again?_

It wasn't until the band had started up faster-paced music and a few songs were played that Lily rejoined the party. Not many people were actually out dancing; Vernon's family and friends were, evidently, not a rowdy bunch. She smiled a little to think about how she was sure, if they had been there, Marlene and Sirius would be getting their groove on.

Without hesitation, the follow-up thought to that was this: _When James and I get married, I'm sure they'll do exactly that._

Lily prided herself on how practical-minded she was, and that unanticipated thought was wild. She and James hadn't even been dating for a year, yet, but she wasn't scared by what her heart was telling her. There was security and sunshine with James. There was life, abundant and complicated and worthwhile.

From across the room, James's laughter floated over to her. She had to stand on her tiptoes and peer around mingling groups of people, but she was able to spot him. He was talking with her father and one of Mr. Evans's friends from work. Everything about James was handsome and entirely muggle; he certainly did clean up well, which she'd seen at Slughorn's holiday party. Though James had predicted they'd be tardy because they'd get distracted en-route, they were punctual—only because she'd hinted that there was plenty of time for distractions after. And now James wore a snazzy black suit and bow-tie, and he'd even used one of his father's famous hair products to tame that unruly mane of his.

Her heart stuttered in her chest because it seemed too good to know she had James and he had her. What had Dumbledore said? That life wouldn't take more than she knew you could stand to lose just as she would give more than you could imagine?

"Lily!" James had excused himself from his conversation and was walking toward her. When he stood in front of her, he beamed but scanned her face carefully. "I was wondering where you went."

"Just needed a moment to breathe," she said and smiled, hoping he could tell she was okay. More than okay. An almost uncontrollable urge rose within her to tell him now how she looked at this wedding and all she could suddenly see was theirs.

But, of course, she couldn't say that out loud. Not yet. She didn't want to overwhelm him with that. James didn't seem scared of anything, but, still, she didn't want to frighten him by suggesting such serious commitment if he wasn't ready. 

All she could do was tug him out onto the dance floor and pour all her energy into his hands so, wordlessly, he would understand she'd dance with him forever. 

* * *

New Year's Eve was more lively than Lily knew what to do with—and she loved every minute of it.

In true James fashion, he invited their friend group over to the Manor. Lily, who'd arrived well before anyone else, was blown away by how festive everything was. Streamers of gold and silver shimmered from the ceilings of every room and hallway. A huge banner reading _1978!_ hung in the entryway, and Sir Arthur wore a sash with the year bedazzled on it, which he didn't seem pleased about so Lily figured Sirius was behind him wearing it. The Potters' elves were whipping up amazing, decadent dishes. All the delicious smells wafted through the house, and Lily's stomach growled more than once.

Euphemia was helping the elves, adding her personal touch to the puddings. The elderly witch was beyond happy to see her and said, "Oh, Lily, our house is so much warmer with you in it. How was your sister's wedding?"

They caught up on the latest news, too, bleak as it was, and Lily had to ask, "Why are we having such a party right now when the wizarding world's such a mess?"

"Hasn't anyone told you that when you look around and all you see is darkness you have to do what you can to create a little light?" Euphemia smiled at Lily with the same glimmer Dumbledore usually had in his eyes.

"Mother!" James burst into the kitchen. "Am I allowed to steal my girlfriend from you? Alice and Frank just got here, and, apparently, Frank needs her help."

Frowning, Lily asked, "Frank? _Frank_ needs my help? He's an Auror. What skill could he possibly be lacking?"

As it turned out, it wasn't a skill but the element of absolute surprise Frank required her assistance for. James and Sirius adequately distracted Alice so Frank could explain his plan to Lily, who could hardly contain her excitement as he filled her in.

Into the evening as Marlene then Remus then Peter showed up, Lily watched Frank grow steadily more and more nervous. While Marlene pulled Alice in for a round of karaoke, Lily leaned over to whisper, "Are you telling me you can duel dark wizards, but you can't do this?"

Frank scoffed and tugged at the collar of his shirt. "This is a tad different."

Lily just laughed because tonight held such joy, such merriment, and there was no way Alice would say no. Everyone knew it, even if they didn't know Frank's plans for the night. For as long as they'd known Alice, she'd only ever had eyes for Frank. Though Sirius had poked fun at it before, their imaginary wedding bells really had been ringing for years.

In the few minutes leading up to the new year, Lily and James took their turn with the karaoke, singing an upbeat, romantic duet Frank swore was a song Alice couldn't get enough of. Alice was so taken in by the music that she didn't seem to care when Sirius picked up the beat and spun her around in a frenzy of twirls.

"But where's Frank?" Alice asked. "He knows I love this song."

As if on cue, Sirius brought her to a stop in front of the boy in question, who was down on one knee. Lily and James were unable to finish their lyrics because they were smiling and laughing too much from the sheer surprise on Alice's face.

Alice reached out a shaky hand, touching her boyfriend's shoulder as though to make sure he was real. That same hand flew to cover her mouth as he held up a diamond ring and asked, "Alice, I have loved you since the day I met you, and I will love you until my very last. Will you be my wife?"

It was the best New Year's Eve Lily had ever had, and she couldn't get enough of watching her friends dance and sing together. Couldn't get enough of Alice never letting go of Frank, looking between him and the ring on her finger for the rest of the night. Had life ever been so vibrant before? Remus, even, was stronger than he'd been in a while, and he made her his partner for the rowdiest game of charades known to wizard-kind.

They didn't get to bed until nearly dawn, and, when they did, Lily curled up next to James. Before sleep found her, she felt James's arms tighten around her. Then he whispered in her ear, "This is going to be our best year yet," and she had no doubts he was right.


	8. Chapter 8: Hogwarts, Spring Term 1978

Winter break had been too kind to Lily, and she was unprepared to process the reality of how many of her peers didn't come to back to school. Most of that missing population were Slytherins, and Peter told her he'd heard the ones who hadn't come back had officially joined up with You Know Who.

"And the others?" she asked, though she knew the answer. "What about the kids from other Houses who aren't here, anymore?"

Remus, who was studying with them, lifted his gaze from his book and gave her a sad shake of his head. "That's just it, Lily. They're not here, anymore."

As he got back to work, Lily saw familiar movement past his shoulder, watched as Sev seemed to be skulking around the rows of books back near the Restricted Section. "If you'll excuse me," she said, "I have to check something real quick."

The boys probably thought she was off to find a reference text, so they paid her no mind as she got up and walked in the direction of her old friend. She caught him off-guard, nose practically pressed to an open book.

"Hello, Sev," she said.

He looked at her uneasily. "Lily. Can I help you?"

"Actually, yes." She cleared her throat and kept going even though he was surprised at her response. "Are the seventh year students missing from your House really in league now with You Know Who? Like, officially? Have they really become...Death Eaters?"

More uncomfortable than she'd ever seen him before, Severus fidgeted with the book he held and tried to swipe his long hair from his eyes. "You know I can't tell you that."

"Well, can you tell me where your allegiance lies? Are you going to follow their lead?"

His lips pushed together into a flat line, and Lily thought he wasn't going to say anything until he whispered, "I can't answer that, either."

"Because you don't want to lie to me?"

"Why don't you just worry about Potter and the rest of your obnoxious House and leave me and mine alone?"

"Sev, how can you be so unkind?"

"Lily, my behavior is of no consequence to you."

He turned to go but Lily hissed, "But don't you think it'll be of consequence to _you_ when we leave this school and come face-to-face on the outside and You Know Who says kill her? When he'll give you orders to do away with every _mudblood —_"

Severus flinched.

"—because we're inferior, unworthy nobodys in the magical community, anyway?" She could feel her cheeks were flushed in anger.

Though she could tell her words bothered him, he simply sneered and said, "You act like I should care."

She looked him directly in the eye, said, "That's because I know you do," and then turned on her heel. Back at the table, Remus and Peter observed her anger and let her sit without saying a word. They shared a worried glance but knew it was better to let Lily simmer down on her own.

A big essay was due in Alchemy in two days, and she needed to focus and finish with her revisions. But she couldn't because her heart couldn't reconcile the rift—no, the chasm—that lay between her and Sev. They had less than six months until graduation, and then they'd be out there in a fight that didn't have a foreseeable end. Was Sev going to let himself die supporting a mad man bent on genocide? And was she just supposed to let him?

These were days Lily struggled to find peace. What she did find, though, was it was oddly soothing to sit around the common room at night and study the Marauder's Map. At least, that was when the boys weren't using it. She often watched Dumbledore pacing in his office, Ravenclaws working in abandoned classrooms, and Peeves fleeing from Filch.

One night, she did a double-take when she saw Sirius in the dungeons—talking to his brother. No one saw the Black boys interact much if ever, not since Sirius had run away from their House. Lily had a hunch Sirius had intentionally gone on one of his "wanderings about the castle" to seek Regulus out. Was Regulus another snake with aims to become a Death Eater? Could Sirius hope to save his little brother from such a fate?

She was so engrossed in her thoughts and map watching she barely registered James entering. The only reason she even knew he was there was because he spoke up from behind her in the kitchenette. "Oi," he said, "how come I can't have any of these chocolates over here?"

Without looking over, she said, "I put a charm on them, and I _told_ you they're _only_ for Remus, remember? All the books say werewolves need plenty of endorphins when they're recovering from a full moon, and sweets generate so many."

The silence following her explanation struck her then as abnormal. Loud. James should have shot back with something sassy. Peering over her shoulder, she saw he wasn't alone.

Remus was the reason for the silence, and he stared at her with wide, uncomprehending eyes. Feeling awkward, Lily smiled sheepishly and lifted her hand in a quick wave. "Oh, hey, Remus."

Then Remus turned to James, who lifted his hands in a gesture that said, "Hey, mate, don't look at me."

"I figured it out last semester," Lily said gently. "So, you don't have to worry that one of the boys betrayed your secret."

Slowly, unsurely, Remus walked over and sat on the other sofa cushion. "You've...you've known? For a while now?"

She nodded. "I probably should have told you, but I wasn't sure what the point was."

"The point? Lily, I'm a _werewolf_. Your safety is the point."

"We've been in school together for the last seven years and not once have I ever questioned whether or not I was safe with you." She arched her brow at him before turning back to the map, thinking the conversation was over.

" _Lily_." Remus seemed beside himself to get her to grasp the bigger picture like she hadn't already considered it. "When I transform, I have no control. I could and most definitely would harm anyone who even accidentally crosses my path. Merlin, I almost killed Snape that one time!"

That got her attention, and her gaze snapped over to James. He shook his head and said, "Ah, that's a story for a different night."

Turning back to her friend, she placed a hand on his knee. "Listen, Remus. I've been learning many things. This map." She waved a hand over it then gestured at him. "Your condition. Your idiot friends—"

"Hey!" James shouted. "We're not idiots!"

"—and however they managed to become Animagus wizards so they could help you. And if you haven't murdered Sirius Black on any of your worst days, though it sounds you've had ample opportunity to, then I'd say I'm safe."

James, so recently affronted, busted out in laughter. Remus, too, was unable to hide the smirk that slid onto his lips.

"Anyway," Lily said, moving on, "what do you think Sirius is talking to his brother about?"

"Merlin's beard, we should never have told you about this, Lils. It's only increased your attempts at mothering everyone," said James as he tried to get at the chocolates again.

"What did I tell you about those, James? They're for _Remus_. Good Godric." She shook her head.

In better spirits than he'd been in a few minutes ago, Remus put his feet up on the coffee table. "Yeah, Jamie boy, they're for me. Do you want me to have a good recovery or not?"

"You two are insufferable."

"Oh, stop pouting and come over here. Sit with us," Lily directed, and he shuffled over. Instead of squishing between them, James plopped down on the rug, leaning back against her legs and happily letting her ruffle his hair. "Now, do we bring this up to Sirius?"

Both boys shook their heads adamantly. "No," said Remus.

"Absolutely not," agreed James.

"But what if something's going on?" she asked.

"Then," said James, folding up the map, "he'll be the one to bring it up. Mischief managed. Lils, I know you mean well, but Regulus is a sensitive subject for our little Padfoot."

She snorted. "Clearly. I watched him pummel Avery this past summer over the mere mentioning of him."

"Okay, well, all I'm trying to get at is that you should not, under any circumstances, make this a topic of conversation with Sirius unless he brings it up first."

"But even then," added Remus, "you would be wise to tread carefully."

Lily sat back against the sofa, letting that tidbit of knowledge percolate. Though she'd never admit it to his face, Sirius Black was an interesting fellow, had more depth than he let on. It was warming to her that Sirius, despite giving up on his House, might not give up on his brother.

Aside from wondering and worrying about her friends and peers, pockets of sunshine popped up for Lily amid such busy and troublesome times. Sitting around the common room with Alice and Marlene, picking out various details for the upcoming July wedding, became one of their favorite pastimes. The boys, whenever the girls started in on wedding talk, knew they needed to either keep their opinions to themselves or swiftly vacate. Of course, James and Sirius couldn't refrain entirely from teasing poor Alice, but she took it well.

It was during one of these wedding planning sessions that Alice casually, unintentionally, dropped some rather significant information.

"And if Frank and I just slip away to his family's beach cottage for the weekend right after the wedding, we'll be back in time for me to start my training and then—"

"Wait a second, Al," Marlene cut in. "Training? What training?"

"Um, well." Alice shrugged and glanced shyly at her two best friends. "I've decided that, if my test scores are high enough, I'm going to apply for the Auror program. And Frank's been giving me lots of pointers about what will give me an edge up on other applicants, so that's encouraging. Plus, they're looking for just about anyone to join their ranks."

That phrasing, as well as that reminder of war, forced Lily's mind to Order business. Dumbledore hadn't contacted her further regarding what she should be doing, if anything, but she and James had recently discussed it. Though James didn't know many details, he filled her in on how his parents had offered up Potter Manor as an official, secret headquarters for the Order. The reasoning was that, with this graduating class, there'd be a number of fresh recruits who would certainly benefit from a tactical school of sorts. Nothing as intensive or lengthy as Auror training but enough to ensure every soldier was equipped. Fleamont and Euphemia had told Dumbledore they had more than enough room at their estate for whatever the Order needed.

When James told her, Lily smiled at the pride in his voice. James, naturally, was proud of his parents. They may have been too old to fight, but they were finding a way to contribute. Lily, too, loved Euphemia and Fleamont even more for the size of their hearts.

"What about you guys?" Alice asked, and Lily came back to her friends. "You haven't said much about what you'll be doing once we leave here."

Marlene smiled and said, "I'm thinking about trying out for the Harpies."

"Yes, you totally should! Do you know how incredible it would be if you made the team? You'd definitely have to get me and Lils season tickets. Lils, could you imagine?"

The notion had Lily grinning from ear to ear, totally knowing Marlene would be the best Beater in the League if given the chance to prove it. "Season tickets or we cut you out of the friendship will," she said with a firm nod to Alice, who immediately agreed.

Marlene chucked a throw pillow at them. "Oh, get out of here." She was smiling, too. Then she turned to the redhead and asked, "Okay, your turn, Lils. What will you do post-Hogwarts?"

Because she couldn't tell them about going directly to fighting with the Order, she said the next best yet honest thing: "I'm going to marry James Potter."

Such an unexpected thing—unexpected because that was a very un-Lily thing to say and because they knew she and James were serious but not _that_ serious—made the girls start shrieking and bombarding Lily with question after question.

"What do you mean, Lily Evans? Has he proposed? Has James proposed?"

"How could he have proposed, Marlene? Look at her hand. There's no ring! Explain yourself, Lils. What do you mean?"

"Oh, who gets to be your maid of honor? Are you inviting your sister even though she, technically, didn't invite you?"

Through her laughter, Lily answered their questions. And, while Alice and Marlene were disappointed to know she and James weren't actually engaged, they were positively thrilled to think that very soon they could be.

Part of Lily scolded herself for bringing up the subject of marriage because she and James hadn't even talked about it. Yet, who else could she be this carefree and truthful with if not her best girlfriends?

Then the most whimsical sparkle came into Alice's eyes, and she clasped her hands together, saying, "Lily, you and James should get married this summer, too, because that would be so lovely. And then we'll have to be pregnant at the same time so our babies can grow up together and be best friends, too."

"Whoa, there, Al," Lily chuckled, "let's not get ahead of ourselves, yeah?"

"But, Lils, it would be perfect!"

"Okay, don't you guys have to get back to Gryffindor tower now before curfew?"

"There we have it, Al," said Marlene. "Talking about future children: an off-limits topic with Lily Evans."

Once the girls had gone, Lily retreated into her room, fully intending to get ready for bed. She couldn't help that, while she slipped into her pajamas and turned down her bedding, all she could think about was a future with James. What if they did get married this summer? What if that's what he wanted, too? And what if they did make a family together? And what if that family grew up alongside her best friend's?

Vague shuffling noises and the closing of the outermost door cued Lily in on James's return, and her heart beat faster as she realized she was going to talk to him about this very thing. Their future. She was going to talk to him. Tonight.

She heard his footsteps across the hall as he walked into his room. She waited, perched on top of her trunk and trying to make sure her certainty eclipsed any hesitations or doubts she still harbored. Then she got up, left her room, and knocked on his door.

"Lils? Is that you?"

Pushing open the door and stepping in, Lily smiled at the sight of her boyfriend. He lay propped up under his covers, the lamp beside the bed turned on and shining light onto the open pages of his favorite Quidditch book. "Hey, James."

He gave her a lazy grin, and she figured he must know what that one, in particular, did to those butterflies in her stomach. "Hey, Evans."

"You haven't called me Evans in ages," she said going over and sliding into the empty side of his bed.

Like this was a routine they'd established twenty years ago, James set his book aside and wrapped an arm around her. Tucked up against him—still Lily's favorite place to be. The kiss he gave her was sweet yet urgent, and she grasped onto his shirt to keep him even a bit nearer.

"Lily," James whispered when they broke apart, "are you sleeping here with me tonight?"

She peered up at him through her eyelashes. "May I?"

"I'd be certifiable if I said no." It was obvious what was on James's mind when he bent his head, again, but she placed a hand on his chest to stop him. Immediately, he looked uncertain. "Have I overstepped, or...?"

If James had something on his mind, Lily still had something on hers, which was why she blurted out, "I told Alice and Marlene I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

James's uncertainty melted away as he laughed. "Is that so?" Yet, it wasn't only amusement in his eyes but unrivaled affection. "Well, it's fair to say you and I are on the same page on this one."

"You mean it?"

"Evans, I've never meant anything more in my life. Just like I've never loved anyone more than I love you."

His sentiments made her heart sing, but she had to give him a hard time. "You are the sappiest person I've ever met."

"What can I say?" He dipped his head closer to hers. "I'm a man of multitudes, and every piece of me is as crazy about you as the next."

"Okay, but—" She kept her hand against his chest. "If Alice starts talking to you about coordinating children so they grow up to be best friends, talk her down from that."

Brow furrowing, James seemed to think for a minute then nodded, as if to himself. "That does sound like something Alice would suggest. Could you imagine if Sirius was the one getting married next? He'd be going on and on about planning out the next generation of marauders. Actually, hey! _That's_ exactly what _we_ should be doing!"

"James..."

"I can just see them now. The Mini Marauders."

Lily lay back against the pillows and fell asleep listening to James plan out the mischievous lives of their future children, and he sounded just as bad as Alice. She loved him for it.


	9. Chapter 9: Hogwarts, Spring Term 1978

Lily couldn't say how the months could fly by so fast, but, before she knew it, the mellow, sunshine-y days of June were back. In the meantime, she'd spent countless hours studying, learning from Madame Pomfrey, letting James show her the best places in the castle for a quick snog, and enjoying the sweet security these grounds contained.

With the wedding about a month away and final exams in full swing, Alice was nearing a breakdown, so Lily changed the charm on her jar of sweets to allow both Alice and Remus access, which drove James batty.

"But where's the chocolate for the rest of us?" he asked one afternoon.

"Yeah," said Sirius, "we're stressed, too."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Dogs aren't even supposed to eat chocolate."

"Jamie, you ought to let Evans borrow your glasses because, _clearly_ , I am a boy standing here and _not_ a dog."

"I don't know, Padfoot," James said. "Your hair is getting awfully long."

Lily herded the boys through the door and out of the castle, knowing the fresh air would be much better for them all than any amounts of sugar.

During the very last week of the term, Lily spent some time piecing her way through a rather clever and challenging bit of magic. It had popped into her mind when she remembered how it had been around this time last year she and James had transfigured those flowers for McGonagall. There was another professor now she wanted to give a gift to. A gift not of sympathy but of parting.

She made pages of notes regarding her idea and tried to read about anyone creating such a thing before. Because it appeared she was making unnecessary work for herself when they had just finished seven years of hard work and deserved a break, the boys thought she'd lost her mind.

"Lily," Peter said one night as she sat at the table in the kitchenette and did her research, "are you going to tell us what you're doing, at least?"

James swooped over and glanced at her notes. Then he pointed and said, "Well, that's an adorable drawing of a little fish, and no mistake. Aw, Lils, I didn't know you were a doodler."

"I wouldn't say that," she said, and she didn't answer Peter's question. Instead, she asked one of her own. "Do any of you know where I could find a nice bowl? Nothing too big, probably a medium size—yes, Sirius, I know there are bowls in the cupboard here, but I'm talking about something nice. Maybe something with a pattern etched in it or painted?"

Once again, the boys suspected she was going mad. Each one of them stared at her, perplexed, like if they watched her carefully enough she might reveal the reasons behind her behavior.

Then James snapped out of the wondering, grabbed the map, and said, "All right, lads. Let's go. We've got a fancy bowl to find."

James—she was pretty sure he'd do anything for her, even if it seemed silly. 

Not long after they'd gone, new company joined her. Marlene, her usually unruffled feathers looking more than a little bothered, sat with her. "Hey, Lils."

Lily set her quill down, folded her arms atop the table, and gave her full attention to her friend, who obviously needed to talk about something. "Hey, girlie."

For someone who normally picked her way around words with ease, Marlene didn't talk for a minute, needed to collect her thoughts. Then she pulled a Lily and let everything out in a rush. "Have you seen Sirius recently? Because I cannot stop thinking about that bloody boy, and I feel like an absolute ninny. Last night we were sitting up together in Gryffindor tower after everyone had gone to bed, and it was, like, two in the morning, Lils, I swear. And Sirius had this _look_ in his eyes, you know? Actually, I hope you don't know what I'm talking about because he looked at me, and I thought we were _finally_ going to talk about what's between us. If there even is anything between us."

She took a deep breath—then kept going.

"And when we didn't talk about it I thought that was fine because there'd be time another day for us to figure things out. But, Lily," she fixed desperate eyes on her friend, "there is no time. And Dumbledore said you can be trusted talking about this, but there is no time because once Sirius and I leave here our days won't be the same. Not when I'm going to start training with the Order and battling dark wizards and maybe getting killed. And Sirius? Who even knows what he's doing because he's so evasive when I ask him. At least, I had you and Alice believing I was going to try out for the Harpies, and—"

"He'll be training with the Order, too," Lily broke in, effectively cutting off the emotional out-pour.

Again, Marlene needed a moment to sit with her thoughts before she asked, "How...how do you know that? Are you in the Order, too?"

Lily nodded.

"I should've figured. Why else would Dumbledore mark you as a safe person?" Marlene sighed and toyed with the end of her long, blonde braid. "Great, so Sirius is probably going to fight some Death Eaters and get himself killed, too. What's the point then in sorting through these emotions? It doesn't matter if he likes me back because that won't keep us alive."

Lily was glad Marlene put her elbows on the tabletop and held her head in her hands because if Marlene would've met her gaze she would have seen pity, and Lily was sure that was the last thing she wanted. But how could Lily not feel some fraction of sorry for her friend who didn't quite see the necessity of loving—even if it felt like a great risk? Because wasn't that love on its best day? Put the war aside and answer that question. Wasn't love always a tremendous risk, a tremendous sacrifice? And wasn't love—in all its real and truest forms—still worth fighting for?

"What do I do?" Finally, Marlene lifted her face, desperation still plainly there. "Lily, what do I do?"

There were no easy answers. Lily still had much to learn in the ways of wisdom, but she knew that much. Still, she gave her friend a small smile and said, "I would not withhold my heart because you fear it—or his—runs on limited time. If anything, I find that all the more reason to give it. Before it's too late."

"That feels scary," whispered Marlene.

"Yeah." Lily nodded. "It does. Good thing I've always known you were sorted into the right House for a reason."

Marlene's lips turned up a little at that. Then she asked, "Do you care if I just sit with you for a while?"

Lily shook her head. "Not at all. Just know the boys will be back at some point, so—"

"So, if I want a peaceful evening I won't find it here for much longer? Noted."

With that, Lily left Marlene to her thoughts, picked up her quill, and resumed her work.

The boys were just as noisy upon their return as the witches had braced themselves for. They came through the door with armfuls of bowls. So many bowls Lily couldn't believe her eyes.

"Good Godric, what is this?" she asked.

"Hullo, Marlene," said Remus as he came over to set his dishes down. "Bet you weren't expecting this when you decided to come hang out."

Laughing, Marlene asked, "Who would?"

Lily was on her feet by then. " _One_ bowl. I asked for a _singular_ bowl."

"Ah, come on," Sirius said, "how were we supposed to know which one was exactly what you wanted?"

"But where did you even find them?"

"Lils, take note: your every wish is our command."

"I wouldn't go that far, Prongs."

"But, Padfoot—"

Thus, Lily had a bowl—picked out a very lovely sage green one, which she thought was fitting for this professor—and was able to proceed with her gift making. It took her until Friday to perfect it, and, when it was finished, she carried it down to the dungeons, careful because she'd filled it with water by that point.

Since it was mid-morning, Professor Slughorn was exactly where she knew he would be: at his desk grading the remaining essays the fourth years had submitted a few days prior.

"Miss Evans!" He smiled when he noticed her. "Enjoying these final days, are we?"

She smiled, too. "Of course, sir. Here—" She set the bowl, which held one lily petal floating on the surface of the water, in front of him. "I made you something. Something to say thank you for all your help these past years. Hopefully, it'll help you not forget your favorite student, too."

"Forget my favorite student? Not possible, my dear. Now, let's see...oh! What's this?"

As soon as his fingers touched the bowl, the lily petal started to sink and morph. Slughorn brought it closer to him to better watch the transformation. Another sound of pleasant surprise escaped him when the process was complete. 

He looked from the fish that now swam in his bowl to Lily then to the fish, again. "Miss Evans, this is truly remarkable. You _made_ this?"

"Yes, sir. I thought you'd like it."

"I do! I've never seen anything quite like it. Oh, what should we name him?" Slughorn muttered under his breath for a minute. Then he said, "Francis. He shall be Francis the fish. Thank you, my dear."

With that last project out of the way, Lily really could enjoy the leisure left for her. Practically the whole day awaited. She'd thought up plans to grab a book and head outside by the time she got back to her dorm, but James also wanted in on her plans.

"I've got snacks and a picnic blanket and we can lounge under the birch trees to our hearts' content," he said.

"But have you packed any books in there?" Lily asked, peeking into the basket he held. "What about the books?"

"Yes, yes, I put your novel in here. Honestly, Lils, would I be the love of your life if I'd forgotten?"

Going up on her tiptoes, she gave him quick peck. "Just checking."

Then out they went, and Lily couldn't get enough of the sunshine. No one else was anywhere near the birch trees, though other students were out and around the grounds. James spread the blanket out for them, and they got settled—he resting against the trunk of one of the trees and she against him.

She grabbed her book and started reading, not minding at all when James began twirling her hair around his finger. Part of her figured he would just take a nap or something, but she realized he'd been reading over her shoulder when he sucked in a breath of shock and asked, "Oh, how do you think Sherlock's going to puzzle this one out?"

After a while, Lily felt herself growing sleepy. She closed her book, turned more toward James, and snuggled into his chest. It didn't seem possible that the reality of war was out there when life right here and now was so sweet.

"Lily," James said, and she lifted her face to look at him. He searched her green eyes for a second before asking, "Lily, will you marry me?"

And though he wasn't down on one knee nor have one of his sappy, sentimental tangents going, Lily knew this wasn't a question he posed in jest. Sincerity held fast in his expression, in the hope he so obviously wore. 

She couldn't keep her joy from spreading across her face in a grin. "Yes, James. Of course, I will marry you."

Like he'd been worried she'd give any other answer, relief broke over his features, and he held her tighter. He murmured, "Evans, I'm yours forever," and a whole flurry of butterflies came alive within her.

"In sickness and health, for rich or for poor, 'til death do us part, I'm yours forever, too, James Potter."

"And you say _I'm_ the sappy one? That was downright romantic."

"It's downright _muggle_ is what it is. Part of our traditional vows. Don't you remember from Petunia's wedding?"

Looking positively carefree, James smiled and shook his head. "Nope! I hardly heard a word of that ceremony because all I could think about was you and me. That was the night I decided—like, _really_ decided—I wanted that for us. What? Why are you staring at me like that? Is that crazy of me?"

"No," she breathed. "Not crazy. It's just that, at Petunia's wedding, I realized the same thing."

Woozy with love, they leaned in for a kiss—only for James to jerk away. "Wait!" he said, scrambling for the basket. "I almost forgot. I had mum send it to me a few weeks ago. It was my grandmother's."

The small box he pulled out and opened didn't hold the world's fanciest ring, but it took her breath away as he slid it on her finger. They hadn't traded official vows, but she had no doubts of all that was steadfast between them. Whatever forever lay before them, she'd happily take it. 

Later that night, Sirius, somehow having obtained a bottle of firewhiskey, poured everyone a shot as they huddled together at the top of the Astronomy tower. Since graduation was the very next day, professors cut the seventh years major slack this last night.

"Now this," said Sirius, pouring the last shot for Peter, "is the part of the evening where I give a little speech before I get utterly smashed, but I..." He trailed off, a glassy tint to his eyes.

"Don't you dare cry on us," Alice said. "You know I won't be able to stop myself if someone else starts."

Everyone chuckled as Marlene playfully nudged the brunette, and Sirius went on. "All right, we'll all cry over the good old days later. Tonight—a toast."

They lifted their glasses and glanced between one another. This was it. They were seventh years, Hogwarts students, for the last time. After tomorrow, they were out to the real world. Out to the war.

"To all the hell we raised," said Sirius. Then he turned a suggestive look on Lily and James. "And to all the hell we'll help you raise, if you catch my drift."

While hoots of laughter went up, Lily rolled her eyes but couldn't say she was actually bothered by the comment. "What did I tell you?" She faced her fiance. "Sirius is already planning the next generation of marauders—and we're not even married, yet!"

Alice, who'd just downed her shot and was making a face at the after-burn, said, "Thank Merlin I'm getting married in the next couple weeks. At least, I know we'll all see each other again there."

Grimacing, Lily swallowed every last drop of her firewhiskey. She nodded at Alice to acknowledge the sentiment, but she had a feeling they'd all be seeing each other much sooner and more often than that.


	10. Chapter 10: Summer 1978

"How did you know we'd all be here training with the Order?" Alice asked Lily one morning as they walked up the drive to Potter Manor. They'd both reached one of the secure Apparation points at the same time—a happy accident as Alice was coming from her and Frank's place and Lily from one of the Order's safehouse flats—and walked the mile between there and the Manor together, catching up as they hadn't been able to since the night before Alice became Mrs. Longbottom.

Lily smirked. "A witch never reveals her ways."

"You've been spending too much time with James and Sirius."

"Let's just say I was given permission to have conversation with certain members of our friend group."

Alice sighed and shook her head. "And now we have to figure out where we're going to get our season Quidditch tickets since, obviously, Marlene's too good of a person to give up on this."

"You're right." Lily shook her head, too. "The greatest of our worries."

Sharing a look, the girls giggled together, relishing in the fact that, so far, they'd survived the first month and a half of training—of existing outside the security of Hogwarts—and still had each other. Still had their friends.

"There's to be no giggling on my watch," growled the man who seemed to be in charge of making sure all the new recruits were equipped with the right skills: Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody. He stood in the suddenly open doorway leading into the house, and his left eye, which wasn't real but had been magically constructed to replace the one he'd lost in a scrimmage a few months back, quickly scanned them. It took in everything about their expressions and clothes, finger twitches and soles of their shoes. Nothing was undetected by Mad-Eye. 

From behind him in the entryway, Sirius appeared, saying, "Now, that's not true, Mad-Eye. I could have sworn just yesterday I heard you giggling with Sir Arthur."

"A grown man would never giggle." The legendary Auror scowled over his shoulder and then asked, "Black, don't you have a task you're supposed to be working on?"

Alice feigned surprise. "A task? You're making Sirius Black do manual labor?"

That got a smirk out of Mad-Eye. He opened his mouth like he was about to add something cheeky as well, but Kingsley Shacklebolt, another Auror and Order member, came running from one side of the main hall. What looked like blood spattered his clothes and one side of his face.

"It's the Prewett boys," he spluttered. "They just got back. Come quickly."

"That's gonna be you, girl," said Mad-Eye gruffly as he made way for Lily to slip past them.

She hurried after Kingsley into what used to be the formal dining room but had been rearranged as an easy access medi-station. A cluster of people were gathered around two of the cots, and Lily ran over. Gideon and Fabian Prewett each lay on one; Gideon bled profusely from the right side of his body, and Fabian couldn't seem to stop coughing up blood and mucus. One of them splinched, the other cursed by something dark.

"Get dittany," she commanded, dropping down beside Fabian and pressing her wand to his temple, employing a quick scan. "And find me some fluxweed and asphodel."

Identifying the proper way to heal someone wasn't always the trickiest part of being a Healer, Lily knew. No, the trickiest part was keeping your emotions in check. Because at the sight of the two brothers injured before her—these two brothers whom James had taken such a liking to so quickly and found so funny—her stomach had plummeted out of her. She fought back nausea and panic. Healing, she'd learned, was as much about tending to the physical pains as it was the emotional ones.

A fellow red-headed witch hustled over with the necessary supplies. "Thank you, Molly," Lily said, taking the vial of dittany and going to Gideon. "Can you also bring a kettle of freshly boiled water? And some ginger, please?"

For the moment, Fabian was going to plateau, and she had some time to concoct something for him. But Gideon had lost a lot of blood and was losing more. She quickly started in with the dittany. As she began her ministrations, she turned what she hoped was a reassuring smile to her patient. "Hey, Gideon. We've had better mornings, yeah? But don't you worry. We'll get you fixed up, no problem."

He seemed dazed but with it enough to stutter, "B-but Fab-Fabian...he's..."

"I know, Gideon. I know. We'll take care of him, too." She wasn't going to tell him the truth of how Fabian's situation was a little more complicated. She just shushed calming words at him until the hot water was brought out, she mixed a minuscule portion of asphodel into a small cup, and then made him drink it. Molly held his hand while he fell asleep, which gave Lily the space to focus on Fabian.

Going through the motions of healing and mixing up this potion was what she needed to soothe her own soul. This allowed her to be helpful, to know she was doing something to save a life. It kept her hands busy, her mind occupied. In these days rife with worry, fear, and paranoia, it was important to stay alert and engaged. She wiped Fabian's mouth every time he spit up and smoothed his hair back. He, though still conscious, was even more out of it than his brother had been. Still, she whispered kind words to him. _You're not alone. Your sister's here. I'm here. We're taking care of you_.

By the time Fabian was safely asleep, too, the lunch hour had already passed. She stayed sitting with the wounded brothers, needing to make sure they were okay and too emotionally weary to rise. Molly had, at one point, excused herself from the room, but she came back now, a baby in each arm. At the sight of Lily sitting there on the ground between the patients, Molly gave her a tired smile and, with nonverbal, wandless magic, _scourgified_ Lily's clothes so she could accept the baby handed to her.

Whatever exhaustion had crept into Lily's soul evaporated as she cradled the babe close. "And who have we here? Is this Fred or George?" she whispered.

"Georgie. I can tell by their ears."

"Their ears?" The thought that this mother could tell the difference between her identical twin boys by such a seemingly unsuspecting thing tickled her, and she grinned down at the bundle she held.

Then James poked his head in through the door. "Hey, Lils? I've been sent to come grab you and make you eat something. Mad-Eye says you're not to go neglecting your sustenance."

"Well, you can just tell Mad-Eye—"

"Tell me what?" The Auror appeared beside James, and his magical eye seemed to wiggle threateningly at her. 

"Erm, just that I've got to help Molly put the boys back to sleep, is all." She lowered her gaze sheepishly, though she caught the smile the other witch bit back. With George still in her arms, she rose and exited the makeshift infirmary. "Someone should keep an eye on Gideon and Fabian, though."

Out of nowhere Kingsley walked over and said, "I'll sit with them. Go on, Lily. Get some food."

Then Alice, too, was coming up to them. "And, if it's all right, I'll take Freddie. I adore these little fellas; they're so snuggly."

"Oh, actually," Lily said, handing the baby off, "this one's George."

"Ah! One of these days I'll get it right."

Once baby-free, James looped her arm through his like he meant to guide her to wherever lunch awaited them. But, when they started heading in the opposite direction of the kitchen and where Lily thought they should be going, she said, "James, don't you mean for us to—"

"Trust me, Evans, I know the way around my own house. I've just got this lovely detour to take you on..."

Lily was certain this "detour" was code for James having decided they were due for a good snog, so she was absolutely astonished when he brought her out to the back lawns and found this manual labor Mad-Eye had tasked Sirius with was all part of decorating for her and James. They weren't going to have a large party, but it was large enough to need a billowy reception tent just like the one now standing to the left. They still needed a beautiful, ivy-bedecked arbor to stand under as they said their vows—one that looked exactly like the one Remus and Peter were adding finishing touches to. All the boys—Sirius, too, as he was out there arranging cream-colored ribbons on the backs of chairs—turned and smiled at her.

The moment she'd realized what it was she was looking at her hands had flown to her mouth, muffling her gasp of surprised delight. "Are you serious?" she muttered in awe.

"Why, yes, I _am_ Sirius."

Slowly, she walked out of James's guidance to go stand under the arbor. From his perch up on a ladder, Peter asked, "What do you think, Lily? Will it do?"

"Will it do?" She reached out to touch one of the pink peonies they'd woven in with the ivy. "It's perfect. I can't believe you've been working on this all morning."

Remus shrugged. "What else could we do? We've a wedding this weekend, and we want nothing but the best for our friends."

She shook her head, still in disbelief. "You know I'd get married in a damp cave if it still meant becoming James's wife. I didn't need this."

"You're right," Sirius said, coming up to her and throwing an arm around her shoulders. She could hardly believe this, too. This was Sirius Black; she didn't know him to be casually affectionate like this. "But James is our best mate, and you, Evans...well, we're not sure what we'd do without you, either. So, you're right. You don't need this. But we want you to have it."

Before he could slip away from her and retract his touchy-feely side, Lily turned to give him a hug. He stiffened for a second but relaxed. "Thank you," she whispered, emotion welling. "Thank you all so much."

And if someone even a year ago had told Lily that she'd be standing in the backyard of a magnificent house hugging Sirius Black two days before her wedding to James Potter, she would have brought them to Madame Pomfrey to have their mental health checked out. Yet, there she was, and all she could think to do was thank life for these gifts she hadn't seen coming.

* * *

Two nights later, Lily felt she'd never smiled so much in her life. Everything about the day had been perfect: the ceremony, the food, even Sirius's best man speech had gone off without a hitch. Well, the day was nearly perfect, anyway. Lily felt a pang of grief that Petunia and Vernon weren't there. Mad-Eye had allowed her to invite her family, though he'd cautioned her against it. But how could such a celebration pass without them included, without her father walking her down the aisle and giving her away? So, her parents had happily and eagerly come, but Petunia, using Mr. and Mrs. Evans as her messengers, had declined.

Nearly every member of the Order was there except for those who were otherwise "on the job" for the evening, keeping guard at various outposts and, as Mad-Eye said, "staying vigilant." It was the first social event Alice and Frank attended officially as Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom, and they were glowing with love.

A dance floor had been laid out under the center of the big tent, and, just as she'd suspected, Sirius and Marlene were out there busting a move. Peter, James, and Remus were there, too. She watched Frank spin his wife around. Not only had Lily never smiled so much before—she'd never been quite this happy. Here they all were. Under the stars and brimming with life and hope.

A flurry of excited exclamations arose from just outside the tent, and Lily craned her head to see what the fuss was all about. From the looks of it, Gideon and Fabian—all healed up as good as new—were doing something out there.

"I think we should probably go see what's happening," James said as he appeared at her side. Perspiration dotted his brow; he _had_ been dancing up a storm.

She took his hand in hers and let him lead her out into the evening air. It was the perfect summer night. No clouds in the sky, just endless stars. Everyone was trickling out of the tent, and it soon became apparent as to why.

Gideon crouched on the grass about fifty yards off, arranging something they couldn't make out, and Fabian came jogging back to everyone. Like the jokester he was, Fabian grinned like he'd never been more amused or joyful in his life. "All right, everyone, Gideon and I have whipped something up tonight for the special couple. And don't worry, Molly, we promise it's safe."

The crowd chuckled, and they waited with barely contained anticipation. Then Gideon came back over, too. Privately, the two brothers conferred for a quick moment before pointing their wands out into the night.

Seconds later, fireworks erupted and shot up into the sky. They crackled and burst in sparks of every color. One of them spelled out _J + L_. Each rocket went up expelling a unique sound and shooting out streams of wild imagining. 

In awe, Lily asked Gideon, "Did you two make these?"

"Yes, ma'am. Made 'em special just for you. Molly thought we were out in her backyard trying to blow up her house. Like we would ever think of doing such a thing. Though, gotta say, little Charlie couldn't get enough of the fire, and she might have to keep an eye on that little troublemaker. Oh, look, this one took us some extra time to figure out."

Lily gave her attention back to the sky. Her mouth fell open in wonder as the shape of her namesake flower burned against the night. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. As she watched the show, she nudged closer to James. What a perfect night to be their night.

And the night, it seemed, was never-ending. After all the guests had left and Sirius and Marlene had gotten their last suggestive comments in, James and Lily escaped to a second floor suite in the Manor. If times had been normal, they would have Apparated to a honeymoon destination. But they'd decided, promised each other, once the war was over they'd go somewhere, give themselves the holiday they were denying themselves now.

So it was that, instead of carrying her over the threshold of some faraway beach cottage or hotel, James picked Lily up and carried her into the rooms of his boyhood. "Well, Evans, we've had ourselves quite a night."

She ran her fingers through the errant curls at the back of his neck and murmured, "I don't really think you can call me that anymore."

"Oh? I've got to re-train myself to call you what? What did Dumbledore say today? Mrs. _Potter_?"

"Mhm, it does have a nice ring to it."

"A nice _ring_ to it? Oh, Lily Potter, what would I ever do without you?"

She arched a brow. "I'm more concerned about what you're going to do _with_ me now. Are you going to help me out of this dress or what?"

A devilish grin curled his lips. "I thought you'd never ask."

Lily was nervous as he carefully lowered her, and she turned to allow him access to the zipper. Nervous but not scared because she was with James. This wasn't just any boy she'd decided to give her body, her heart, her life to. This was her husband, her other half, her best friend. And she could tell he was nervous, too. Could feel the trembling of his fingers as he unzipped her.

For the first time in her life, for the first time with James, when they met for a kiss and that frantic, passionate energy rose between them, she didn't have to stop. She didn't worry about being careful, about whether or not this was the wisest choice. All there was to do was melt into his touch.

His lightly callused hands moved shivers up her spine as he touched her bare skin. Leaning into him and tugging at his tie, she only wanted more. Only wanted to never stop knowing what it felt like and meant to be his wife. He kissed her deeper, elicited soft moans from her. As he shed more layers, they moved further into the suite until James was picking her up once more and going to the bedroom. He lay her down on the mattress, and they promptly fell together, skin on skin and hands seeking more.

As James hovered above her, chest heaving like he'd just played the best Quidditch match of his life, he carefully pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I don't want to hurt you, Evans," he whispered.

She brought her hands up to his shoulders and shook her head. This sweet man, her gentle husband. "I don't believe you could."

When he moved, there was discomfort, but it faded. There was slight pain, but there was more. And Lily found no reason to fear and plenty of reasons to hold on and let herself go to this vulnerability. Because if there was one thing she knew it was this: she was safe with James. The world was full of terrors and darkness, but in this bed, in his arms, lay security.

Her fingers dug into his back as the fervor between them built. More and more until they spilled over the edge—but even over the edge where no boundaries seemed to exist gave her nothing to fear because how could she fear when she'd found the anchor to keep her grounded?

* * *

She woke in the morning, the rest of her life on the pillow next to her. "Good morning, Mr. Potter."

James smiled, a sleepy, happy gesture. "A very good morning indeed, Mrs. Potter."


	11. Chapter 11: Fall 1978

Summer faded into fall without any major changes or decisions impacting the course of the war. It raged on as always, and the death count and disappearances rose. Lily, after deliberating with James, Mad-Eye, and Dumbledore, reached out to her old mentor at St. Mungo's. Healer Strout was more than happy to both congratulate the recent newlywed and invite her to return as a resident trainee. Back at St. Mungo's, Lily was able to not only continue learning necessary, advanced skills but could also be eyes and ears in a place that could very well hold crucial information for the Order. It wasn't the Ministry, but it was an especially important establishment to the wizarding community.

With Lily healing on the inside, she was able to fill Mad-Eye in about unknown details for upcoming raids or regarding suspicious characters who were gossiped about.

"The Nott mansion is guarded by a dragon," she told him one morning after having just returned from her night shift.

Everyone present around the breakfast table—Mad-Eye, her husband, Kingsley, Frank, and Marlene—froze mid-sip or mid-bite, flabbergasted. Frank frowned at her. "A _dragon_?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Judging by the size of the bite wounds and degree of the burns I treated Cantankerous Nott for, I don't believe it's full-grown, yet. He was conscious and delirious when I was working on him, but that didn't stop him from telling me about it. Hadn't planned on getting it, got it from some dealer in Romania. Needs it to guard something. Something in a vault beneath the back guesthouse."

At that, Mad-Eye made a noise like his inner-lightbulb had just flicked on. "A _vault_ out back. So, _that's_ why we weren't able to find anything when we went to investigate before."

Thus, the Order found many advantages to Lily being at St. Mungo's once more. Lily was glad to be of service—to the Order as well as to the sick and injured wizards and witches who came through the hospital's doors. The work was good and honorable, and, for the most part, Lily felt safe at her job.

Then one evening, as she was in the quiet of the staff locker room gathering her things to go home for the day, Lily was forced to recognize St. Mungo's wasn't exactly the safe haven she wanted to believe it was. A sudden shadow fell around the locker room. Footsteps clicked on the tile floor as someone approached. Lily held her wand ready.

"Lily Potter." A voice she vaguely recognized from her time at Hogwarts came through the dense shadow. Wild, unkempt curls of hair were the next to reveal themselves, and then she found herself face-to-face with Sirius's cousin.

Keeping her chin held high and back straight, Lily fixed a cool stare on her unexpected company. "Bellatrix Black."

"It's Lestrange now, actually."

"Congratulations."

Bellatrix sneered. "I didn't come to trade pleasantries. I came on behalf of my master. You've caught my lord's attention."

Because Mad-Eye was diligent and ruthless in the training he made every Order member go through, she'd successfully learned how to keep her emotions schooled, how to keep her thoughts off her face, when she needed to. And she needed to in this moment because worry instantly gnawed at her stomach. Fear. Did You Know Who have information about her involvement with the Order? Did that mean he would approach James next? Marlene? Alice? Were all the others at risk?

Lily remained silent.

"My lord received glowing recommendations about you, though you're just a filthy little mudblood." Bellatrix paused, expecting a reaction. When Lily didn't give her one, the dark witch's lip curled. "He wishes to make you an offer."

Now Lily couldn't hide every nuance of surprise, and her brows went up. "An offer?"

Giving her a sly look, Bellatrix said, "Having a witch like you within his ranks would benefit his efforts greatly. He knows you were close to Dumbledore in school. He even knows the old man was the officiant at your wedding in August."

"So," Lily said, reining her expression back in to neutral, "he wishes for me to spy for him?"

Madness glimmered from every inch of Bellatrix's features as she nodded. "Yes, be a spy for him. Be a spy and be greatly rewarded."

Lily was sure her face was like stone just as she knew her response would mark her for certain death. "Tell your master I refuse."

Again, madness flashed. Bellatrix probably would have cursed her there had it not been for the sound of approaching footsteps and chit chat. A group of Healers must have just finished, too, and were about to enter the locker room.

"You will live to regret that just as you will die doing the same," hissed Bellatrix. Then she was gone, taking the hovering shadow with her. 

Heart pounding, Lily grabbed her stuff, bid good evening to the Healers who had walked in—who had unknowingly saved her life—and left. One of the things Mad-Eye had drilled into her was to never keep the same routine, to never live her life in a pattern of habits that could be recognized and exploited. That's why she tried to do everything different on her commute home.

She timed her exit so she could walk with two of her fellow trainees. They were headed in the opposite direction of her Apparation point, but it didn't matter. If anything, it was actually a good thing. She walked with them until she spotted a coffee shop that looked particularly busy and then excused herself to go in it. The whole time she kept notice to see if she was being tailed. No signs of a follower, but she couldn't be too careful. She bought a muggle paper and made herself sit there in the shop, turning pages like she was paying attention to the news, for twenty minutes.

Again, when she exited, it was with a group of people, though she did not know them. They gave her enough cover to duck into the next shop, this one a bookstore. She loitered, pretending to browse for a little while, actually buying a novel for Remus to make her behavior appear normal.

Finally, after triple checking using the subtle skills of vigilance she'd picked up in training, Lily weaved her way to a spot she felt was secure to Apparate from. From there it took her another half an hour to get home to Potter Manor because she didn't want to feel too comfortable about not being tailed.

James was hurrying out to her as soon as she stepped across the boundary line of the estate's wards. When he pulled her to him, she could hardly breathe; he held her so tight. "Where have you been, Lils? I've been worried sick about you." Anxiety shook his voice.

"I'm fine, James. But I've got to tell you all something. Is everyone here?"

"Not everyone but many."

The atmosphere in the den she walked into with James was thick with tension. At her entrance, it seemed a collected sigh of relief greeted her.

"Where have you been?" asked Mad-Eye.

She handed the bag containing her recent purchase to Remus, who took it warily and peered in. "I needed to make sure I wasn't followed," she said, turning a quick look to Sirius, "especially after your cousin cornered me at work right before I was leaving."

All four marauders, Alice, Marlene, the Prewett boys, and a handful of other members listened as she relayed the incident. As she told them, the tension built back up. Everyone wore various expressions of discomfort and worry.

"Lily can't go back to work," said Alice, the first to speak after a few minutes of strained silence.

Mad-Eye shook his head. "She has to."

Lily made a noise of agreement even as, beside her, James shook his head. "Not without a plan for protection."

There were no protests about that, and they spent the next hour not only figuring out a safety strategy for her but for the entire St. Mungo's establishment. A witch of Bellatrix's notoriety and threat should not have been able to slip in and out of there easily.

"I'll get my team over there tomorrow," Mad-Eye said. "Discreetly, of course."

"No, you need to wait," countered Lily. "If you go in tomorrow, you may still tip someone off about extra defenses being added so quickly. They'll know I told you. They'll know something's going on."

The Auror gave her a look of approval. "Well done, Potter." Then he turned. "Longbottom, let's go. We need to confer with Frank and Shacklebolt. And the rest of ya—stay safe. Stay vigilant."

Yet, over the next two weeks, it didn't seem to matter how safe or vigilant they tried to be because, one by one, they were each approached by one of You Know Who's minions, each attempted to be recruited. First Sirius then James, Marlene then Remus. Alice, too, and Frank. Peter next.

"Does You Know Who honestly think he can get any of us to take up with his side?" James asked one night as they settled in for bed. "Like, really. Does he think that?"

Lily sighed and thought of their friends, felt such loyalty. "He must think it's worth trying, but I'm with you, James. It seems futile."

The next day Lily better understood the repercussions of her refusing such a dark offer.

It was one of her days off, and she was spending it with Remus and Marlene out on the back lawn of the estate. For a fall day, it was absolutely beautiful. The colors of the leaves were out in full fury, there was hardly a cloud in the sky, and all they needed were their Gryffindor scarves to keep them warm. They were practicing a challenging defensive spell, and Lily watched, utterly pleased for no real reason, as Remus kindly pointed out how Marlene could improve her pronunciation just a touch.

Smiling at him, Lily said, "Remus, I know what career awaits you."

He gave her a dry look. "Other than being your resident, eternally unemployed werewolf?"

"I'm being serious," she said, going on. "I think you would make a wonderful teacher."

Marlene nodded, but Remus didn't seem to believe this conversation was actually happening. "What would I teach? And who would I teach?"

"You could teach this," said Marlene. "Teach Defense! You're doing a great job helping me, and we all know you help Peter practice."

"Okay, but that still leaves the big question of _where_ would I teach? No one is going to hire me to be around their children if they won't even hire me to ring up their books at Flourish and Blotts."

Forever an optimist, Lily clapped her friend on the back. "Remus, times change. You just wait. Once this war ends, we'll see new days. And you remember I told you about the research that's going into new potions? One of them in development is called the Wolfsbane. So far it looks pretty promising. There's hope, Remus."

Then, like the world could only handle so much peace and sunshine, chaos seemed to erupt within the house. Lots of yelling and cries of agony poured out the open windows.

"We better go check that out," Marlene said, and the three of them ran for the back door.

Inside, they hustled down the corridor, following the great ruckus. They followed the noise—and a sickening trail of blood. Lily, selfishly, prayed it didn't belong to James.

"Lils! Oh, thank Merlin. Get in here!" That voice did belong to her husband, but she couldn't see him because the only thing she could see was Mad-Eye stretched out on a cot. Part of his right leg was missing, and that was the source of all the blood.

Acting on reflex and instinct, Lily shouted orders and started her process of healing. The wound looked bad, and it _was_ as bad as it looked. There were no bones to re-grow or skin to repair. From just below his knee down, Mad-Eye had lost a leg.

Kingsley, who had been out with Mad-Eye and James, tried to explain how they'd gotten to this, where the rest of the leg had gone. Lily hardly heard. So consumed by her work, she registered Kingsley speaking but didn't let the words compute. 

Because of the loss of blood and the shock, Mad-Eye was fading, corresponding with Death himself, and she needed to keep him from going with the hooded figure. Mad-Eye was gruff and no nonsense, and still she'd come to care for the Auror. There wasn't a member in the Order who didn't feel braced by his steadiness, by his absolute confidence. Even after losing his eye, he'd not retreated. Not for a second. To lose Mad-Eye now would take the heart right out of everything they'd been striving toward.

Lily grabbed the emotion welling within her and quietly yet fiercely directed it toward her patient. _You are making it through this_ , she thought, _You are going to survive_.

And he did. There was a moment—long and agonizing—when Lily thought he'd gone. But she redoubled her efforts, held his hand, and told him, "Don't you dare quit on me now, Alastor Moody."

Though he was unconscious, he must have heard her.

Other members were in and out of the infirmary the entire time, wondering how they could help and looking for updates; yet, James was there through it all. He was the best assistant Lily could have asked for.

Finally, when the situation was stabilized and Lily had done all she could do for the time being, Marlene and Sirius rushed in to say they'd sit with Mad-Eye while she and James had some rest.

"He should really be levitated up to one of the bedrooms," said Lily. "He'll be more comfortable there."

So, before she took a break, she assisted with that. Then it was down to the kitchen. A deep thirst had set in, and she couldn't recall when she'd last had even a sip of water. She looked at her watch and was both surprised and not that hours had passed since she was out practicing defense with her friends.

Weary, she sat down at the small table and was grateful for James when he put the kettle on, grabbed a box of biscuits, and brought them over to her.

"You're a wonder," James murmured. "We all thought Mad-Eye wouldn't make it, but you, Lils...You're the most extraordinary witch I've ever met."

Her smile was tired but true. "You're biased, James."

"He might be, but we're not," Frank said, walking in with Alice.

Peter, Remus, and the Prewett boys trickled in after them, all wanting to tell Lily they couldn't say enough how much her efforts and hard-earned skills meant to them.

"It's downright terrifying going out there most days," Gideon said as he munched on a biscuit. "It feels like it's you against the world, and you try to not think about the pile of corpses this war's stacked up and how you might be the next one added to it. And even if you don't get killed out there but return after being hit with something? Lily, I go out on assignments with a little more courage in my heart knowing, should I need help, you are here to give it."

Remus raised his cup of tea to that, James pressed a kiss to the side of her head, and everyone else made their agreement known. Despite the long day, Lily's spirits began to rise.

A hush fell over the room as the door opened, again, and Dumbledore stepped in. Dumbledore had no reason to be there, and that instantly put everyone on edge. No meeting had been called. No new announcements had been put out regarding the war. Dumbledore should not have been there; he should have been at Hogwarts where the fall term was well underway.

His wise, old eyes appraised them all, and then they met Lily's. Great sadness stared at her. Softly, he said, "I should like a moment with the Potters, please."

No one asked any questions as they all filed out, Alice the last one to go with an encouraging smile. Life hit you softer when you had the reassurance of your best friend and the strength of your husband's hand to hold. 

Dumbledore lowered himself into a chair across from them. "I've heard it's been a difficult day here."

Nodding, James said, "Difficult, but not impossible."

"And I thank you both for your diligence. We cannot and do not survive this war on our own." The old man let out a quiet sigh and looked directly at her, again. "You must know I come not as a bringer of good news, and I am sorry for that. I just thought it best I come tell you myself."

Lily gripped James's hand tighter, sat up a little straighter.

"Voldemort," said Dumbledore, "has not taken your rejection lightly and has retaliated. Lily...your parents perished this morning in a car crash. Or, rather, it was made to look like a car crash, but...but anyone who is not a muggle knows otherwise. I am sorry."

"Are you...are you sure?" It was a question James posed since Lily couldn't find her voice, could hardly find her breath.

"Yes," Dumbledore said in his kindest tones, "I am certain."

Faces and memories swam before Lily's eyes. Days when she was still small, before she'd understood her quirks were actually something of the fantastic, and life was still every bit as magical. The green of her father's eyes, and the musical lilt of her mother's laughter. Christmases and days of sunshine in the backyard. Her wedding. Long gone. Forever gone.

"Petunia," she finally said. "Does Petunia know?"

Dumbledore nodded. "The muggle police contacted her. She was the one, actually, who reached out to me."

That was surprising to Lily, and then she felt the need to ask, "Does my sister know this is my fault?"

"Lils, you can't take the blame for this," James said. "What were you supposed to do? Accept You Know Who's offer?"

"No," Lily choked out, tears welling and control slipping. "But I should've protected them better. It has always been my choices leaving them vulnerable to great risk. I should have been there for them."

"When Voldemort sets a snare such as this, you could not have even eased their passing," said Dumbledore. "Their fate was out of your control—and out of your control long before you decided to fight. As for Petunia, she does not know. I did not think it prudent to give her another reason to hate our world."

Through a veil of tears, Lily stared at the old man, and she remembered his words from the last time he'd seen her cry. "Dumbledore, this is too much. This is loss I don't know how to bear."

"Life," still Dumbledore spoke gently, "doesn't say how, but she teaches." Then he rose and said, "I must take my leave and get back to Hogwarts. Lily, I am sorry, and I would not have you forget that life—she still gives."


	12. Chapter 12: Spring 1979

"Lily," Euphemia said softly, "you should really eat something."

She sighed down at the plate of food in front of her. "I wish I could. But..." She pushed the plate away. "I just can't even _think_ about eating anything right now..."

The elderly witch gave her a sympathetic smile. "I know, dearie. But still. You should try."

Fleamont entered the kitchen then with hopeful eyes, looking for any news on whether their sons—James and Sirius—were back, yet. The answer— _no —_was evident in the very atmosphere of the room, and he accepted the silence with a nod of his head before retreating back to the den.

"They should have been back hours ago," said Lily.

An unknown owl tapped at the window then, and she frowned at it. Within the quiet of her mind, an alarm bell rang. She approached the window with a great foreboding building within her.

The owl, when she let it in, landed on the counter and happily bounced around like the two women in the room weren't both about to have minor panic attacks. Lily accepted the note attached to its leg and quickly opened it. It was a letter from Hogwarts' gamekeeper.

"It's from Hagrid," Lily informed Euphemia. Not someone either of them expected. Rubeus Hagrid, though he was part of the Order, kept a low profile within the organization because he couldn't afford to get caught up in any more trouble than he already had. Though his drama had played out years prior to the start of the war, there were many witches and wizards out there who couldn't believe Dumbledore still kept the half-giant around the school.

"Well, what does it say?"

"It says: _Lily, A bit of late notice, but I'll be around tomorrow morning. I hope you don't mind but I'll be bringing my pets with me_ ," she read. "James and Sirius must be with him because this is James's handwriting. But why would they be with him? Why would they be at Hogwarts?"

Answers arrived in the morning with Hagrid and his "pets"—a rough looking James and Sirius, who Lily was sure must have spent a good deal of yesterday as a stag and dog, respectively. Before they could so much as say hello, though, Lily, Euphemia, and Fleamont were hugging them close and fussing over their scrapes and bruises.

"You wouldn't believe the day we had yesterday," James muttered against Lily's hair as he held her close.

All six of them fixed themselves tea, and they gathered together around one end of the formal dining table to get the full story from the boys. A chilling tale of how they'd gone out investigating something only to be pulled over by the police and then ambushed by a trio of Death Eaters.

"It's so obvious the whole thing was a total set-up," Sirius snarled. "Those cops were _Imperio_ 'd for sure because I _was not_ speeding, and my bike is perfectly registered and licensed. And now it's out somewhere in the country, and anyone could have stolen it by now."

"Forget your ruddy bike," said Lily. "You could have been killed!"

That was the story of all their lives as the risk of fighting only seemed to build and build. A few days later, Lily and Marlene—the latter present as a measure of security as the former left St. Mungo's—found themselves throwing spells at a Death Eater duo.

" _Bombarda_!" Lily shouted, and Marlene followed that up with a perfectly executed, " _Confringo_!" Then they hurried down a side alley, searching for anything that would serve as physical shields as well as get them out of the way of pedestrian muggles.

The two Death Eaters in pursuit were relentless, and, as Lily barely made it to duck down behind a dumpster, she heard them yell, " _Avada Kedavra_!"

She didn't see the green shot of light hit the edge of the dumpster.

"We gotta get out of here," Marlene said, steadying herself with a hand pressed against the nearby brick wall.

Maybe it was because she saw the brief flash of panic in her brave friend's eyes and couldn't stand it or maybe because she just wanted to get home after her long shift tending the sick and injured—whatever it was made Lily reach for the joy stored securely in her heart. Whirling low and out from behind the dumpster, Lily, wordlessly, called upon her Patronus. As she watched her doe momentarily confuse the enemy, she and Marlene took advantage of this second of surprise, this second that could mean the difference between them making it out of this alley alive.

The girls threw every defensive spell they could think of until the Death Eaters were far enough out of their Apparating zone to not get pulled along in their quick snap of transportation.

No sooner had they popped up a mile from the Potter residence and ran back were they steeling themselves to go right back out into a fight. Apparently, according to what Mad-Eye was hollering about, Remus and Sirius were in need of back-up, so the Longbottoms rushed out to their aid. However, the back-up had called in back-up. That was too scary, yet Lily and Marlene headed back out.

When they arrived in Reading at the location Mad-Eye had shouted at them, a flurry of defensive and offensive magic was thickening the air. Alice and Frank fought back-to-back, each doing what they could to protect the other. Remus, with far more energy than he'd had in recent days, stood over a prone body and threw everything he knew at the silver-masked figure advancing.

Beside her, Lily heard a distressed intake of breath from Marlene before the blonde witch was rushing into the fray to join Remus in his efforts. All Lily could see was the body her two friends now guarded, and she dove under and around spells to get to him. She knelt beside him, keeping a low vantage point and casting _protego_ 's around them all until the final Death Eater fled. Then she turned her every attention to the unconscious boy before her.

"Sirius?" She could barely manage a whisper as her heart fluttered with worry in her chest.

"Come on," said Frank, "we need to get out of here before they send more."

Remus, panting, crouched down. "Is he all right? Is he going to make it?"

Having just completed her basic health scan, Lily said, "He's still with us. But Frank's right. Let's go."

But, in the next moment, the arrival of more enemy soldiers forced them into another round of fighting. Lily rose to hit a Death Eater with an _Incarcerous,_ which successfully connected with her target, only to be thrown back by a particularly evil _Confringo_. Reality felt fuzzy and slow as she flew back into a shop window, glass shattering and crunching beneath her. She tried to pick herself up from the damage, but she couldn't because _she_ was damaged. What felt like warm water flowing down her arm was, when she turned to look, red, red blood. Out in the square, her friends still fought with all they had, and she saw a Death Eater turn their wand her way...

The next thing she knew, she was lifting her head from a pillow. A blanket covered her, and she was in a very quiet room. Her left arm was heavily bandaged. Where was she? And why was everything so quiet? Too quiet?

Carefully, she got out of bed, steadying herself by grabbing onto one of the posts when a rush of dizziness came over her. She focused on putting one foot in front of the other until she had gotten to the door, opened it, and moved out into a hallway. Outside of the bedroom things made more sense as she recognized the familiarity of the Newbury safehouse. There must have been a silencing charm on the room she just exited because she could definitely hear a number of sounds now: the subtle creaks and groans of this old house, the crackling of a fire down the way, and intense murmuring from behind a nearby closed door.

Lily directed herself toward that murmuring and pushed herself into the room. The same friends she'd just been fighting with were gathered around a bed. Upon the bed was the boy who was supposed to be her latest patient. She hurried over as quickly as she could, which was more of an awkward shuffle. "Sirius," she whispered. "What's his status?"

"Lily!" Alice rushed to hold her up when she swayed. "You shouldn't be out of bed."

"Has Sirius woken up, yet?" she asked, ignoring the concern.

Marlene chewed her bottom lip and shook her head.

"I need chamomile and foxglove." Lily let Alice help her over to the bedside where she sank down onto the mattress. "And, if we don't have foxglove, belladonna will do."

"Lily." This was Remus now. "You're in no condition to be doing any healing right now."

Ignoring everyone, she lay a hand over Sirius's chest and whispered, " _Rennervate_."

"You'll kill yourself," Remus growled.

She said, "Sirius is worth it," before turning to Frank, who she figured would be the most likely to listen to her in this moment because, up to this point, the war had given him the most hardening experiences and he would be thinking most clearly, most detached from the sentimental. "Chamomile. Foxglove. If no foxglove, belladonna."

He nodded and hurried out.

With every minute Lily spent healing Sirius, she felt her energy fading. Whatever she'd been hit with was certainly more than an average _Confringo_. That was obvious as she felt the drain on more than just her energy but her magic, too. Still, she didn't want to give her weakness away. Not yet. Not when she was almost finished with Sirius.

Yet, there was only so much she could do—she hoped it was enough—before she collapsed.

This time when she woke in the other bed, James was there beside her. It must have been some time in the middle of the night because, out the window, everything was dark. A candle burned on the nightstand. James sat in a chair, his chin to his chest as sleep had overcome him at some point.

"James," she rasped.

Though she had not spoken at a loud volume, he snapped awake instantly. "Lils?" He took her hand in his and searched her face.

She didn't want him to bombard her with questions regarding how she was feeling; that was a conversation they could have in the morning. So, she said, "Come to bed, Jamie," and made room for him.

Tucked up against her husband, Lily found all the healing she needed.

While they were still recovering, a quiet afternoon found Lily and Sirius at Potter Manor with nothing to do. This was an unexpected blessing because it meant she had more time to brew extra batches of Pepper-Up and Draught of Dreamless Sleep. For Sirius, though, not having anything to do was a burden not a blessing.

"Well, why don't you come here and help me? I know you're not rubbish with potion work," Lily said, exasperated by his pacing back and forth in front of her. Spending any amount of time with Sirius had showed her he did not do well by himself; he was always looking for company. Even if it was only company he didn't talk to and just sat in a room with doing something quietly on his own. But someone, nonetheless. Sirius was a people person.

"I will accept that backhanded compliment," he said, "but I don't think you want my mind today, Evans."

"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?"

"What else am I supposed to call you? Potter?"

She glanced up from the mandrake root she was measuring out. "You are aware I have a first name, yes?"

"Bah." He waved a dismissive hand at her. "That's so unoriginal."

"But _Evans_ isn't?"

When he didn't say anything and simply kept pacing, Lily did her best to ignore the restless boy. That was a difficult thing to do, however, because this room—an old study Fleamont had cleared out for her brewing purposes—was not that big. At least, not big enough when someone seemed determined to wear out the carpet by pacing miles upon it.

"Sirius, why don't you try making laps around the house? You'd get more change in scenery," she said.

"I don't need a change of scenery, Ev—Lily. Outer change does not compute to inner change."

Arching a brow, she smirked. "When did Mister Philosophy take up residence here?" He gave her a look, and she added, "And if we're in such a mindful mood today, why wouldn't I want your mind assisting me with this work?"

Everything about Sirius was tense, and, when he glanced her way, she saw turmoil in his expression. Like so many other things, he tried to mask his emotion, and Lily could just about hear the sassy quip he was about to come back with. But then the quip didn't come. Instead, he sighed and ran his hands through his hair, saying, "My mind is not focused on anything in this house right now."

"Is this about Marlene?"

He didn't even try to question why there was cause for her to guess that. "No, no. I wore out the carpet yesterday over her. And," he sighed, "I'll probably do the same thing tomorrow."

"Have you considered talking to her?" Lily asked, dryly.

"What a novel idea," said Sirius, and he gave her such a comical look of faux-surprise she actually laughed. Then his voice grew somber, soft. "No, Marlene and I...it's just not the right time for us. Not when I'm not ready."

She cocked her head at him. "Not ready for what?"

"I don't know," he whispered. "I swear, I love her, Lily. I look at her and my heart races and I want to do everything in my power to make sure she stays safe. But I also look at her and feel my heart clench with fear. And I don't know what to do about that. It makes me hesitate. It makes me question whether I should do anything at all. And that's why I think I'm not ready. But maybe one of these days I will be."

Acknowledging those thoughts with a low hum, Lily kept up her work knowing there was more on his mind. He'd implied as much. Silence crept in. Sirius, wearing slippers, moved soundlessly. Then, finally, she kindly asked, "If it's not about Marlene, then what is it?"

Sighing and murmuring, "Marlene isn't the only one I love," he stopped in front of one of the windows, leaning against the sill with his back to her.

Lily recognized the weight of this moment—that her friend was dealing withe something significant—yet she couldn't get over his dramatics as she looked up at his silhouette. "Sirius, you weren't born like a normal boy, do you know that? No, you walked right off the pages of some Victorian gothic. We might as well find a moor and go around lamenting our station in life."

"Don't mock me, Evans." He said it with the hint of a smirk as he glanced back at her. 

With a small smile, she sat down on a stool and patted the one next to her. "Come and sit, Sirius. And talk to me about Regulus."

Wary eyes watched her as he followed her direction. "How do you know this has anything to do with Reg?"

"Because you are not the only one wondering how to make things right with their sibling."

"You know," he said, watching her carefully, "it was never your fault what happened to your parents."

An instant, stinging grief pierced her heart. "We're not talking about me, Sirius."

"And what makes you think I'm going to pour my heart out to you?" he asked.

She thought back to what James and Remus had told her about how this was a touchy subject for Sirius and how she should tread carefully around it—if at all. So, she admitted, "I don't."

Something about her honesty must have been compelling enough to him because he dropped his gaze to his hands and said, "I've just been wondering how to convince Reg to give up on any dark ambitions."

Nodding, she said, "When's the last time you talked to him?"

"A couple weekends ago. I slipped away to Hogsmeade."

"And Mad-Eye had nothing to say about it?" She couldn't keep the shock from her voice.

That made Sirius scoff. "Oh, no, he had some words for me. Why do you think I was stuck on the graveyard shift at the safehouse in Reading these past few weeks? Anyway, that was the last time Reg and I talked. Graduation is just two weeks away, and then he'll be out here. Like the rest of us." His jaw clenched, and he dragged a hand through his wavy locks. "Well, not quite like the rest of us."

Lily's brow furrowed at such a cryptic remark. What did he mean by that exactly? Just that Regulus wouldn't be neutral nor opposing You Know Who?

When Sirius elaborated, he spoke in a tone so low and anguished it sent a shiver up Lily's spine. "I saw it, Lily. He didn't want me to, but I made him show me his arm. And he...he's got it. Right here." Sirius placed his hand over his left forearm. Sudden understanding found Lily, and she inhaled a pained breath. "Reg was supposed to be the best of us Blacks. I know this can't be the course he's meant to take, but I...I also can't deny that stark, black ink. And I don't know what it means for my baby brother other than..."

Other than death.

The same words she'd once told Remus welled up in her until she had to say, "Sirius, we will have days of renewal. Don't give into despair."

"Lily, you know as well as anyone that not everyone will make it to see those days."

"Yes." She inclined her head in acknowledgement. "But does that mean you're going to leave me to hope on my own?"

He sighed and shook his head. "What does that mean for Reg, though? What am I supposed to do about him?"

Her response was immediate: "Love him. Keep loving him. That's the only thing left in your control."

Scoffing, Sirius asked, "Lily, do you think you're going to love the world into these new days you hope for?"

"Either that," she said, "or die trying."


	13. Chapter 13: Summer 1979

The clearing of a throat made Lily's head snap around to find James walking into the study. She'd been a million miles away, back years in the past, thinking about her parents. If she'd still been a young girl, these were the summer weeks they'd be taking a holiday to the coast. A cloud of regret hung over her head because she'd kept herself away that summer before seventh year, and that most likely would have been the last opportunity any of them would have been able to make the beach trip. She'd kept that from her family; she wished like anything for the chance to go back and remedy her selfish yet strategic decision.

"Lils." James, her name a whisper on his lips, stood in front of her wearing a sad sort of smile. The kind of smile that told her he knew exactly where his wife had gone off to.

Her own smile was forced and brief, punctuated by a sniff and her swiping at her cheeks to clear away any stray tears. "Hey."

Instead of wholly joining her in dwelling with her grief, he asked, "If I told you there's a secret swimming hole in the forest, would you go swimming with me?"

She glanced out the nearby window at brilliantly blue skies. This was an emotional limbo she hovered in, caught between the closed door of days passed and the open threshold of life and love she was forever invited back into by this boy who couldn't bear to see her frown. Both directions had some sort of hold on her heart, and today she let life have the stronger one.

"That depends," she told James, looking back at him with an arched brow. "Are the boys coming with us?"

James grinned and bent to kiss her cheek. Before he pulled away, he whispered in her ear, "I didn't think to ask them. Didn't want them to spoil an afternoon of perfect... _swimming_ with you."

And though they'd been married for nearly a year now, Lily's stomach flipped in a thrill of anticipation.

Out in the woods, she followed James on a path that was nearly undetectable, but he swore he knew exactly where he was going. The determined glimmer in his eye told Lily she shouldn't doubt him. She was warm by the time they reached the hidden pool, and she sighed with relief. The water, a refreshing, clear blue, beckoned her. Without thinking twice, she grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head.

"And it gets pretty deep over there, which is the perfect place to..." James, who had been pointing out different features such as the best rocks to sun on and where the tadpoles liked to swim in the spring, trailed off as he turned to her and saw she was shedding layers. Words, it seemed, abandoned him.

As she tugged on her shorts, she smirked at him. "Not every day I see you speechless, Jamie."

He smirked, too, finding his voice. In a husky tone, he stepped toward her and said, "It's not every day I go skinny dipping with my wife."

_My wife_. It still sent shivers up her spine.

Lily would never grow weary of this life with James. Even though they were navigating through a season of unknowns and terrors, they were in it together, and she couldn't ask for anything more. She waded into the pool with a lingering look over her shoulder at her husband, who was struggling to get out of his own clothes he was moving too fast. 

And, when he joined her, she felt every kiss, every touch, zing with an energy that made her feel as though this was brand new yet, at the very same time, like she was returning to her favorite place. His muscles rippled under her palms. James was solid and strong and home. She panted his name, and she knew her lips would never tire of it.

Gooseflesh prickled her skin as she felt water lap against her bare skin, and James whispered her name like the _amen_ to his holiest prayer. Before James, she had not known anyone would hold her and draw near like this, like he was the most devout congregation of one and she the temple he would worship at for the rest of his life. She was under no false impressions about herself, but it seemed James was convinced she possessed goddess status.

After, as they sunned on one of those rocks he'd initially pointed out, she kissed his shoulder and listened to the birds, awash in warm contentment.

"Lils."

"Mhm?"

"We've not really ever specified our timeline for when we'd like to have a family."

She, laying on her back, tilted her head and opened one eye to peek at her husband. James watched the leaves swaying over them. "Have you and Alice been plotting? Wait, don't tell me. It's actually been you and _Frank_ , hasn't it? I always knew he was more of a softie than he let on."

Giving her a look, James said, "No, no, I've not been plotting with either of the Longbottoms. Just myself."

"And?"

"And I can't make up my mind on my own. Nor do I want to."

"What do you mean?" Lily turned fully now, propping herself up on her elbow.

"Well." James sat up and sighed. "I keep thinking about how dangerous times are, right? There's no denying the risk it would be to start a family right now. But I..." A soft smile curved his lips, and then he finished by saying, "But I see the way you love the Weasley boys, especially little Freddie and George. And I don't want you to not be a mother and me not be a father because we let this war stop us."

Those words turned over and over in Lily's head, and she couldn't deny how endeared she was by this idea of growing their domestic life. It was true such a thing wasn't the safest choice to make, at the moment. Yet, hadn't she told James she'd rather live a little with him than spend their time together scared?

So, she smiled at him, leaned in for a kiss, and asked, "Did you know I've never been on the potion?"

Brow furrowing, James cocked his head at her. "What does a contraceptive potion have to do with this exactly?"

"Well, this past year we've not done a thing to keep ourselves from becoming parents. I'm not saying we should go out of our way to try and boost those chances right now in the midst of a war, but...but I wouldn't want us to do anything that might hinder them."

His lips quirked. "So, leave it to fate?"

"Have we ever truly had the power to do anything else?"

"And if fate should give us a child?"

"No." She shook her head. "No, fate does not give. That's life. And I don't completely understand her, but I understand she doesn't make mistakes."

With a grin, he said, "You sound eerily like Dumbledore." Then, before she could do anything about it, James was getting up and pulling her back into the pool with him. She had no protests, anyway; the sunshine-filled afternoon was theirs for the taking.

Lily's heart was light that evening when Marlene popped in to drag her out for a girls' night. There weren't many places they could go because they knew no public place could promise safety, so Alice had kicked Frank out of their flat for the evening. That's where the girls found themselves: a cozy two-bedroom with a lovely little kitchen and living room. From the red drapes to the perfectly placed accent decor, the ambiance was very efficient and chic, very Alice and Frank.

They made tortellini and drank a delicious pinot grigio, carefree and full of bubbling joy. Within this home, for just this one night, they felt like they were simply nineteen years old and that was it. No war. No risk. Just great food, great wine, and great friendship. If Lily was learning anything from this war, it was that moments like this were invaluable. In lapses of discouragement, she had only to remind herself it was the moments like this she continued to fight for. 

Marlene wanted updates on married life from the two witches and, after that and a few glasses of wine, told her friends she'd marry Sirius in a heartbeat if he asked her to. Slightly inebriated, she asked, "Is that crazy of me? Am I going mad?"

"No," Alice laughed, "not at all! You're just in love!"

"Why does love feel like it's taking all my sanity?" Marlene sank back against couch cushions.

Lily, before taking a sip from her glass, smirked at her friend. "I didn't realize you had any sanity left for love to take."

While Alice cackled, Marlene pointed at the redhead and declared, "You just wait, Lils. Between you and James and all your cheek, you're going to have a child one of these days who will make you repent for all your sharp wit."

"Oh, Merlin, let's hope so!" said Alice. "But let's hope that means Frank and I won't have a kid who's running out the door to go find trouble."

Scoffing, Marlene said, "Please, there's no avoiding that, Al. You know whatever kid you have, Mad-Eye will teach them their first word, and it will sound an awful lot like _vigilance."_

"And you better hope Sirius doesn't get to them first," Lily jumped in, "otherwise their first word will sound more like _mischief_."

And the girls laughed. Nineteen and well-loved and carefree, even if just for the night.


	14. Chapter 14: Fall 1979

"Why are you always reading that?" Sirius asked. "It's not like they report things we don't already know."

They were holding down the fort at Potter Manor, neither of them given assignments for the day other than being ready and available to provide medical assistance should anyone return from a raid or mission in need. Both of them were going a little stir crazy. They probably should have given each other space to breathe instead of smothering one another with company in the blue drawing room, but they also didn't want to be alone and would rather have the companionship than drive themselves mad with isolated worry.

Lily gave him a look over her copy of _The Prophet_ from where she sat in an especially comfortable armchair. "I still think I'm learning from it. It's definitely worthwhile to know how they're informing the general public. And _what_ they think the public should know."

He merely grunted in response and fiddled with his wand, twirling it between his fingers. "When do you think James and Remus will get back?"

"What, do you think somehow the paper's going to inform me of that when we both know Mad-Eye keeps mission-specific details on complete lock-down?"

"Okay, okay, you don't need to get cheeky with me."

Lily just shook her head and went to turn the page. She had to brace herself first, though, because she knew what was coming. The casualty list. No matter how many years this war went on, that list never got easier to swallow.

On this particular morning, she wasn't sure what to do when one name jumped out at her. She glanced up at Sirius, who was practicing the motions for all the defensive spells he knew, and then quickly back down at the paper. Dread pooled in her stomach. She needed to tell him. He needed to know, and he was going to find out sooner than later. But how did you tell someone their little brother was dead?

She cleared her throat. "Sirius?"

"Evans." Sirius remained focused on his wand.

"Sirius."

The somber tone she used snapped his attention to her. His brow pulled together in a confused crease, asking a question of its own. In response, she, with shaking hands, held out the paper to him.

A confused sort of understanding dawned for him as he took it. Took the paper and read the printed list. It didn't take him but ten seconds to find the name: _Regulus Black_. It took even less for the paper to fall from his fingers as he held his face in his hands.

They still didn't speak as Sirius's shoulders shook with sobs, and Lily moved to sit beside him on the sofa. She put her arms around him, and, though he was so proud so often, he let her. In a motherly, comforting effort, she let him cry against her and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

In a choked voice, Sirius said, "I...I wanted n-nothing but the best for Reg, and I—I couldn't even save him from this." He sniffed and then got up from the sofa, nodding down at her. "Thank you, Lily. I think I just...I need a moment."

He left the room then, and she listened to his footsteps recede. Listened to the back door open and close. Out a nearby window, she watched a black dog run across the lawn toward the wood. Lily didn't know what else to do, so she went to their makeshift medi-station and began rolling bandages the muggle way.

That's where James and Remus found her when they returned a little while later. Both of them were scruffed up but fine. As she silently mended their surface wounds, they tag-teamed filling her in on how their mission had gone.

"And it turns out this bloke, Malfoy, has some connection with one of the shopkeepers in Knockturn Alley. Borgin or something..." Remus trailed off as Lily's silence persisted. "What's happened here? Something came up while we were out. I can tell because your eyes..." He let that one trail off, too.

Suddenly looking around them like he might find clues, James asked, "Yeah, and where's Padfoot? Did he get sent out?"

"No," she said, "no. Nothing like that." With a sigh, she made sure all the nicks and scratches were accounted for. "But you should go find Sirius. I'm not sure where he's at now, but last I saw him he was heading into the wood. And that was after...after we read in the paper that Regulus has been killed."

As only best friends can, James and Remus responded like they, too, felt the same pain of losing a brother. James reached out to place a hand on Remus's back, like he needed the reassurance of his presence, and Remus let out a heavy exhale. Then they were up on their feet, ready to go find their friend and do what they could to comfort him.

An odd wondering crossed Lily's mind as she watched them walk out: _Where's Peter, and why isn't our fourth Marauder here with the rest of them?_

* * *

In the wake of Regulus's death, Sirius was more subdued than Lily remembered ever seeing him before. He and Marlene, when they happened to have off hours at the same time, would wander the grounds together. Naturally, Lily wasn't sure what they talked about, but she hoped it was what he needed. She hoped the two of them were finding the support they both craved.

Lily, trying to cope with the terrors of reality, turned to James and couldn't express how glad she was to have him at her side. Married life was still treating them well, and Lily enjoyed everything it meant to be husband and wife. She had no worries on the domestic front until one bright November day.

The previous night James had received an assignment from Mad-Eye. He was going with Sirius and Remus to follow up on a tip they'd received from one of their spies out in the Surrey Hills area. They'd left early in the morning, earlier than even Lily, a morning person, liked to rise at. So, she had a quiet waking.

However, it was not a quiet morning because she'd barely gotten some egg and toast down when she felt breakfast coming back up. She ran to the loo and promptly emptied the contents of her stomach. Confused and concerned, she pressed the backs of her hands against her forehead and cheeks. This wasn't a precise check, but it didn't feel like she had a fever. Besides, she'd felt fine up until five minutes ago. She could think of only two things to do: make herself more tea and give herself a quick scan to see what was the matter.

She started with the tea and set the kettle to boil. While she waited, she started the health scan. Usually this simple bit of magic was near instantaneous, but Lily took the time to finish making that cup of tea because she figured, surely, there was nothing urgent.

That was why, when the scan's results came back, her hands shook out of shock. Really, she'd been silly to not consider this outcome, but so much had been going on lately she hadn't had time to think of something like this. Because these weren't just any results. These were life-changing because they'd come back positive. They were positive. She was pregnant. She and James were going to have a baby.

And Lily, for all her sensibility and claim that life didn't make mistakes, didn't know what to do. A baby. A baby was on the way. Growing inside of her at this very moment. Life. Life that she was responsible for. Sudden nausea rose up in her, again, but she couldn't tell if it was what she now knew to be morning sickness that caused it or the realization of her responsibility. 

Still unsure of how to proceed, she decided it was just going to be a normal day. She had an appointment at Hogwarts with Professor McGonagall to keep, so she kept it knowing that to not keep it would have been silly because nothing was wrong. Nothing except that she just wanted her husband to come home safe so he could know. Nothing except she had never felt so terrified in her life because she had no control over whether James made it home safely. She had no control over that, and she certainly had no control over the kind of world she was now bringing a child into.

As she walked with her favorite professor, fortifying the castle and grounds to ensure every student would be as safe as they possibly could be, she couldn't stop silently berating herself. Not only was she more afraid than she'd ever been before but she couldn't believe she'd done such a foolish thing, such a selfish thing. This was a world of war and hate and violence. She was a soldier, married to another soldier, and so very aware of the casualty list. It grew every day. She didn't want to think it, but it was only a matter of time before her name, James's name, was added to it. They'd talked of this desire to become parents together, but the last thing she wanted was to leave this already precious child an orphan.

"Lily." McGonagall's voice, sounding soft and exactly like Mrs. Evan's used to, called her out of her secret terror. The kind woman put an arm around her and led her to a nearby stone bench by the lakeside. "Lily, what's wrong? You look as if you've been petrified."

"Professor, I...I'm fine." She took a deep breath, fought down rising tears, and tried again. She certainly hadn't planned on telling anyone before she'd told James, but she had to let someone in. With a small smile, she faced her old professor. "I'm pregnant, actually. I just found out this morning."

McGonagall gasped in pleasant surprise. Then, rather out of character, she pulled Lily into a hug so full of joy Lily felt strengthened. "Oh, Lily. What hope, what love, you're giving us."

For the rest of the day, Lily couldn't get that thought out of her head. _What hope, what love..._ She was stunned by that sentiment because, all this time, she'd been thinking how she'd never be brave enough for motherhood or brave enough to endure more loss.

The world had calmed for Lily by the time she returned to the Manor. It was evening, and what remained of the November sun was on its way to rest for the night. James still wasn't back, so Lily set about preparing some food for herself; she didn't want to disturb the elves, who already did so much.

_I am not so very brave_ , Lily thought as she fixed supper. Still, she let McGonagall's words turn over and over again in her mind, and she found courage. She stopped what she was doing and cradled her stomach where she knew life was just beginning to form. This child, who had not asked to be brought into these tumultuous, dangerous times, needed to know where she stood. So, out loud, she whispered to her growing child, "I am not so very brave, but I am going to be brave enough to love. And I promise I will love you the best I can, with everything I have, even if giving you everything includes my life. My sweet child, I mean for you to never doubt how entirely you have my heart."

By the time James returned not long after that—Sirius and Remus with him—she was able to turn a sunny smile to him and ask how their day had gone.

Weary, they all sagged against the island counter in the kitchen. "Oh, Lils," James sighed. "We are chilled to the bone and have nothing to prove it was worthwhile. Whatever our informant saw out there in those hills must have been nothing because we didn't find a thing."

She moved beside him to rub his back. "I'm sorry. Remus, Sirius, would you like to stay the night?"

Remus, who had enough energy left to start making mugs of cocoa, glanced at her and said, "If it's all right. I don't think I could manage Apparating to any of the safehouses without fear of splinching myself."

"Same here," groaned Sirius as he sat down at the nearby table. "I've never felt so old in my life. Could this day have been any more miserable?"

Again, she couldn't help but smile. "Well, it's a good thing you're here with me because _I've_ had a day you all might be interested in."

Cocking a brow, James asked, "Does _interesting_ translate into _good_?"

"James Potter, you doubt me." So much joy bubbled up inside her it came out in a little laugh. "And don't be cross because I did intend to tell you first, but how could I not share this with you all at once?"

This wasn't the first time the boys had looked at her like they thought she was just a bit mad and couldn't be figured out. After a moment, Sirius asked, "Are you going to leave us in suspense all night?"

Sirius's impatience—and James's and Remus's exhaustion—faded when she said, "Well, I thought I might lay some of your fears of legacy to rest because today I found out the next generation of marauders is on its way."

It took a second for that sentence to sink in, but, when it did, it was like someone had announced the war had just ended. James whooped with glee and picked Lily up, unable to keep his joy physically to himself. Remus simply stood with his mug of cocoa in his hand like he was frozen in disbelief, and Sirius, who hadn't expressed much more than monotoned grief in the past few weeks, actually had tears in his eyes.

"A baby?" James asked, awe and wonder in his voice. "Lils, are we really having a baby?"

She, too, was on the verge of crying, so all she could do was nod.

"A mini marauder, Remus! Our best friends are giving us a mini marauder!" With more energy than he had a second ago, Sirius was up on his feet and shaking his friend in excitement. Fortunately, by that point, Remus had set his mug down, so he didn't get burned.

Remus laughed. "Okay, okay, Padfoot. I heard the news the first time."

"All right," said Sirius, breathless, "let's make a wager. Is the kid gonna be the next most beautiful ginger or are they going to end up with a mess on their head like their father?"

While James made a rude gesture at his friend, Lily asked, "You want to make a bet about this?"

A crazy twinkle shone in Sirius's expression. "Lily, I am the king of such things. Do you recall spring of our sixth year? Our housemates had a little bet going about when you and Jamie boy would become an item? I will gladly 'fess up to being the mastermind behind that. Now, back to business. Who wants to make the first prediction?"

It was James, of course, who grinned and said, "We'll have a boy—and he'll be just like his father, but we better hope he actually turns out more like his mother."


	15. Chapter 15: Spring 1980

Lily watched Alice eat another piece of treacle tart, impressed with how much dessert the brunette could tuck away. It made sense, though, when she looked from Alice's face to her stomach. The girls were twins in that regard, growing rounder and rounder each day as their July due dates slowly but surely approached.

"Merlin's beard, Lily, help me," Alice said around a bite of tart. "I've craved this bloody thing every day this week, and I cannot. Stop. Eating."

The Longbottom's Floo fired up then, and Frank and James tumbled out. "Oi," said James, "can I have a piece of that, Alice?"

Frank laughed. "Come on, Potter. Al doesn't share."

"Don't make me sound heartless!"

"Not heartless," Frank said as he moved behind her to rub her shoulders, "just pregnant."

"Actually, Al," said Lily, rising and removing the plate of dessert from the table, "you're going to spoil your supper. It's almost ready."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Such a mother already."

The four of them were grateful for a quiet evening where they could just sit around in the comfort of a home, enjoying homemade steak and kidney pie and allowing themselves to simply relax. They tried not to talk about the war, but that could only be avoided so much. Everything circled back to it. However, they did allow themselves to indulge in making tentative plans for the future.

"Well, if we really give birth within days of each other, we should plan a joint christening," Lily suggested.

Alice's eyes lit up. "I love that idea! Frank, your mother would love that, too. Augusta is practically _smothering_ us with all the things she wants to buy for us and all these pureblood expectations."

Shrugging, Frank, sheepishly, said, "My mother, in many ways, is still very much a traditionalist. But she means well."

"Yes, of course, she does." Alice nodded. "And she's just so excited for her first grandchild. James, I'm sure your parents are beyond ecstatic."

"They definitely are," he said, smiling. Then, like he was remembering something he didn't want to, his smile turned down a bit. "They're excited, but something's going on with them."

Alice cocked her head. "What does that mean?"

Being the medical professional, Lily clarified, "We're not sure exactly—my scans haven't shown anything definitive—but they're ill. Their health...well, like James said, something's going on."

At that moment, a familiar wolf Patronus bounded into the flat. This night of relaxation interrupted by a summons to the Manor, a summons for an unexpected Order meeting. Lily met James's eye and hoped they wouldn't be faced with anything too terrible.

Their friends were gathered in the living room when they arrived, Dumbledore and Mad-Eye chatting together in one corner. Spotting her friend, Lily sidled up to Marlene.

"Hey, what's going on?" she asked.

Marlene shook her head. "No one knows. Dumbledore showed up half an hour ago looking more distressed than I've ever seen him. This must be serious."

"How many times must I tell you, McKinnon, _I'm_ Sirius."

"Oh, stop." The blonde witch swatted his arm.

Then the room fell silent as Dumbledore and Moody broke apart, the former saying, "I appreciate you coming so quickly."

"What's going on, sir?" Alice asked.

"I," said Dumbledore, "have unanticipated information that involves our beloved mothers and fathers-to-be."

Standing on either side of her, Lily felt Marlene and James step a little closer. "What kind of information?" she asked.

Thus, the old man told them all a story. A story that was too bizarre and scary to be real, yet no piece of it was fiction. A story that revolved around a prophecy about a boy born at the end of July, a boy with the power to defeat this evil they'd already spent so long fighting. If that wasn't ominous enough, Dumbledore sighed and added, "But that's not the worst of it."

The suspense, when he did not elaborate right away, was almost too much to bear. Then he cleared his throat. "I was not the only one to hear part of this prophecy. And now...now Voldemort knows of our pending weapon."

Before Lily could stop herself, she whispered harshly, "Do _not_ speak of our children as _weapons_."

What tension had settled in only grew. Lily noticed Peter, sitting on a settee directly across from her, wrung his hands and wore an especially troubled expression.

"How did You Know Who get this information?" Frank asked after a minute of uncomfortable silence.

"One of his followers happened to over-hear the prophecy. Yet..." Dumbledore clasped his hands behind his back. "This follower has had second thoughts on where his allegiance lies and readily informed me of Voldemort's reaction."

"Who?" Sirius asked. The disdain in his voice was obvious. "Who is this repentant Death Eater?"

Dumbledore shifted on his feet and met Lily's gaze—and she knew. Knew in an instant the boy who was once her best friend was responsible both for endangering her son and alerting her to this threat. But what the old man said was, "I do not believe now is the time to reveal his identity, but I would not have you doubt him. I trust him entirely."

Again, it was Sirius who asked one of the questions in everyone's minds: "Why?"

"Because he did not come to me to bargain for his safety; he came begging me to protect the Potters."

Lily's breath hitched, and James placed a warm hand on her back. "Because You Know Who's decided it's our child the prophecy refers to? Our son?"

"Yes," Dumbledore said quietly. "Yes, your son."

"So...so, what of it? What are we to do now?" asked Remus, who had, seemingly unconsciously, angled himself between the Potters and Dumbledore.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, again. "My advice—for you, too, Longbottoms—is to temporarily go into hiding. We cannot afford to lose you, and, once your sons are born, Voldemort is going to be on the hunt for you even more. It doesn't matter if he's decided which son is the threat; he will go after both to ensure his success. We are fortunate to have time now to prepare for you to be securely in hiding by the time July comes around. Hopefully, we'll have you hidden away in the next two weeks. And the rest of you are here because your fierce loyalty to your friends has not gone unnoticed. I am sure Alastor has trained you well in terms of vigilance, but we've spoken regarding increased tactics as you will be targeted, no doubt. Voldemort would not hesitate to go through you to get what he wants."

"We can't just up and disappear," Lily protested, though she recognized there was sense in it. "What will my co-workers at St. Mungo's think?"

In a surprisingly gentle tone, Moody, who had been brooding off to the side, lifted his head and said, "Lily, people disappear all the time. People have been disappearing for quite some time now. We know what your co-workers will think."

"Well," James said, "we will do it. If this is what we have to do to protect our son, we will do it."

Again, Lily caught sight of the smallest Marauder and noticed his furrowed brow, how pale he'd grown. She suddenly felt as frail and vulnerable as he looked, but she wrapped an arm around her burgeoning tummy. Now was the time for strength because she wasn't the only one who needed it.

When the meeting concluded and everyone left, Lily, exhausted, drew herself a bath, hoping to gain a bit of the emotional rest she craved. Except, when she leaned her head back and closed her eyes, all she could see was Peter's twitchy, furtive expressions. And, if she was honest with herself, tonight wasn't the first time she'd noticed subtle differences in his demeanor. He used to be carefree, like the rest of the boys. He used to laugh and joke around. No one really did much joking around these days unless they were Sirius or the Prewett boys, but people still remembered how to laugh. People still knew how to find light in the darkness.

But Peter, Lily's heart told her, was slipping. Peter didn't know how to find hope, and tonight's news was pushing him further over the edge.

A quiet knock on the bathroom door preceded James. He smiled tiredly down at her, and she did the same back up at him. "Hey," he said, sitting on the edge of the tub. "How are you feeling?"

She meant to reassure him because the weight of this news was their shared burden, but her mouth was ahead of her brain because she said, "James, something is different about Peter. Something's changed."

Instead of brushing aside her concerns like he'd done when she'd been worried about Remus all those months ago—no, _years_ had passed since then—James ran a hand over his forehead. "Yeah. Yeah, I've noticed, too."

"Do you think he's okay?"

He sighed and whispered, "I think he's scared. Scared and unsure what to do about it."

Softly, she asked, "Are you scared, James?"

"I want to say no." One side of his mouth curved up. "But I'm not the reckless boy I used to be at Hogwarts."

Lily smirked, too, and poked at a pile of bubbles. "Well, I can't say I oppose that development as I've grown even more fond of the man you've become."

Though his eyes twinkled in delight at her affection, he posed a serious question when he asked, "Fond enough to be stuck with me hidden away in some house in who knows where England?"

"I should be so lucky."

He leaned down to give her a kiss. "You're too good to me, witch."

There came another knock on the door, and both Potters frowned in confusion at each other before Lily called out, "Yes?"

Sirius poked his head in then, a fierce determination in his features. "I just wanted to let you two know that—"

"Sirius, I'm literally in the bath!"

He scoffed. "You're fine. I can't see a thing through all those bubbles. _Anyway_ , I was saying that you two have nothing to fear. I am personally going to find Mister Ridiculous Snake Man, and he will not know what hit him when I'm through with him."

"Padfoot, have you been drinking?"

"I may or may not have, just now, taken a shot or five of firewhiskey, but that's beside the point."

Suddenly three people in the bathroom wasn't enough because Remus was there in the doorway, too, and he looked exhausted. "Oh, Merlin...Sirius, you can't just barge in on someone when they're taking a bath. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Well, you're doing it now," the incorrigible Black pointed out.

"Come on..." Remus grabbed at Sirius's arm, apologizing to Lily in the meantime. "I am so sorry. I'll do my best to keep an eye on him for the remainder of the evening. Or, rather, until he drinks enough to pass out."

Just as before, Lily couldn't help the words that poured from her mouth. "Keep an eye on Peter, too, would you? Keep him with you? He's not been himself lately."

Remus gave her a nod before pulling Sirius away. With his foot, James nudged the bathroom door closed. Then he yawned and asked, "Should I turn down the covers for us, Mrs. Potter?"

"If you wouldn't mind. I'll just be a bit longer."

"Take your time, love."

When peace and quiet returned to her, Lily sank down further into the warm water. The room may have been undisturbed, but her mind was vastly different. Some of her belly protruded from the water, and she smoothed bubbles over it, murmuring to the babe within that all would be well. She thought about what Dumbledore had said in terms of this child wielding enough power—or maybe it was just the right kind?—to defeat You Know Who. That was huge. That was a responsibility she didn't want her son to bear. And she wasn't sure if there was anything she could possibly do to change that fate. What was life up to, bestowing this burden on her innocent son?

Lily went to bed that night pondering what life was in the process of plotting.

Lily woke up the next morning with a different yet significant dilemma on her hands.

It was odd that Fleamont and Euphemia didn't come down for breakfast, and she ate her porridge and fruit wondering if they'd decided to over-sleep for once or if something else had happened. At that last thought, she couldn't finish eating because a dense, unsettling worry filled her gut. She left the kitchen and hurried upstairs to the master suite.

She knocked once and didn't hear anything, didn't hear anyone stir or beckon her in. When she raised her hand to knock, again, she heard what sounded like a moan of pain and then violent sneezing. Deciding she had better make sure everything was all right, she went in and crossed to the partly opened bedroom door.

"Euphemia? Fleamont?" Carefully, she stepped through that door, too.

The two elderly Potters were still in bed, and one of them groaned again. She went over to the window to pull back the drapes and let in some light, and, when she did, she turned to her family and choked on a scream.

Euphemia and Fleamont lay there under the sheets, sweat clearly shining on their skin. They were covered in a green-and-purple rash. Fleamont jerked and sneezed then, and sparks flew out of his nostrils. And there were bumps. Lily could clearly see small, red bumps all over their arms.

Her body went into survival mode, quickly pulling every last bit of relevant information out of her brain as she ran for the medi-station downstairs. The whole time she was hollering her husband's name.

On the first floor, he popped out of the kitchen with half a roll in hand. "What? What's going on?"

"Dragon pox! Your parents have dragon pox!"

"Wait, _what_? And what are you doing?" James followed her into the dining room and watched as she started collecting necessary materials. "Lils, you can't treat them."

"It's dragon pox, James. It's treatable."

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean, _you_ can't treat them. Everyone knows the pox is contagious. Fatally so."

"And everyone knows the elderly are most susceptible to contracting it while our age group has slim chances of doing so." She scanned the shelves for mandrake root.

James stepped between her and the shelf, commanding her attention. "You can't put yourself at risk, and you certainly can't do the same for our son." He didn't sound angry with her. Just determined. Just dead serious.

A rush of guilt burst through her, and her shoulders sagged. Of course. Their son. How could she even momentarily forget about him?

For the first time since graduating, Lily found herself helpless to do anything medically for her in-laws and could only wait around as a team of Healers arrived mid-morning to tend to them. Though the Healers didn't dash all James's hope for his parents' recoveries, Lily knew enough to read between the lines of their words. There was no hope. It was only a matter of time. She didn't tell that to her husband.

Life took on a busy, frantic pace as Healers were in and out of the Manor every day. Order business had to be relocated to the safehouse in Surrey. Dumbledore and Moody worked to set up a hideaway for them: a little cottage in Godric's Hollow.

"It's a lovely little village," the old man said. "Once upon a time, I lived there myself."

They took his word, trusted him and Mad-Eye, and prepared for the move. By the time everything was ready, Fleamont and Euphemia hadn't shown any signs of improvement. If anything, they were taking a turn for the worse. James, for his part, refused to give up on them and took every opportunity to say something optimistic about their condition, about their healing. Lily, unable to do anything else, listened and drew him close when she heard the anxiety lurking behind every word.

The cottage Dumbledore had arranged for them was entirely perfect, and Lily found it a little surreal as she stood in the entryway taking it in. As much as she admired the grandeur of the Manor, she was deeply pleased knowing she, James, and their son would be a family here in this cozy, quaint house. It felt whimsical. The sunlight came in so much brighter through these windows.

It was fun, too, to suddenly have a neighbor. Dumbledore and McGonagall had worked together to place incredibly complicated glamours and wards around the cottage, but they couldn't help that it was right next door to distinguished scholar, Bathilda Bagshot. Bathilda did not question their appearance in the community and quickly established herself as a friendly face.

So, the Potters settled into Godric's Hollow, laying low and preparing for the arrival of their child. And when the dreaded news of his parents' passing reached them, James took it better than Lily expected. He sat out in the backyard. Sat out there so long Lily was starting to get a bit worried. Then he got up, turned his face into the warming breeze, and inhaled deeply.

"Lily," he said, knowing she was there waiting for him to need her. "Lily, what would you say if I planted you a garden?"

"I'd like that. I'd like that very much. What will you plant?"

Another deep inhale followed by an equally deep exhale. "Life. And we shall have it in abundance." 


	16. Chapter 16: Summer 1980

Awkward silence settled over the backyard as Lily blinked then blinked again at Sirius Black, unable to fully comprehend what he'd just said. She would have been less surprised if he'd told her he was going to run off and elope with Peeves. But, no, what he'd just said...

"Good Godric, Sirius, you _cannot_ mean that. You _cannot think_ that about your friend," she said in a low voice.

"Lily, I don't want to, but how else can you explain his behavior?" His tone was a mix of desperation and anger.

"You could just be paranoid."

"You haven't heard his latest string of excuses for where he's been."

"They might not be excuses."

"I'm not _daft_."

"And Remus is not a spy!"

Sirius threw up his hands and began doing what he did best when stressed: pacing. "You two," he nearly tread on James, who was weeding at the edge of the flowerbed, "have been out of touch with things. And I don't say it to belittle or offend you. It's just how things are right now."

"So, what do we need to know?" Lily asked, arms crossing over her chest.

For a minute, Sirius seemed to be muttering under his breath. Then he said, "My suspicion of a spy residing within the Order was not born out of paranoia." An urgent light lit his eyes as he looked at Lily. "There is a traitor among us. Someone has betrayed us. Mad-Eye, McGonagall, Dumbledore—they all know it."

Again, silence wrapped around them as that sunk in. James stopped completely with his task and sat back on his haunches, frowning up at his best friend. "But Remus, Padfoot? Not Moony."

Looking incredibly lost, Sirius shook his head and whispered, "I don't know, Prongs. There's no telling who to trust, anymore."

"Well," Lily said, sinking down onto the back stoop, "feel free to find comfort in this house. No espionage here." The tone she used was on the grumpy side.

"Lily..." said Sirius. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Who can we trust, if not our friends?" she shot back.

James sighed and took up his work, again. "We do not survive this war on our own," he murmured.

Lately, when she was feeling disgruntled, Lily, reflexively, smoothed a hand over her growing belly, and she did that then. It was calming, though she wasn't really sure why. She was getting closer and closer to her due date, and the little man was eager to get out into the world. At least, if all the kicking he did was an indication of that. Every kick, every move, flooded her with deep affection and anticipation.

Well, most of the movement, anyway. But, like now for instance, when baby Potter decided to press even more uncomfortably against her diaphragm, she felt just as eager for him to come on out.

"Are you okay, Lily?" Sirius took a step toward her, and James peered over his shoulder to meet her gaze.

"Just trying to breathe," she huffed. After a moment, she asked, "Have you seen the Longbottoms lately?"

Sirius shook his head. "No. I don't give myself as many excuses to pop into their hideaway."

Scoffing from where he was half hidden in flowers, James remarked, "You are the last person who needs to make excuses for visiting. You have a long-standing invitation because you're my brother, you idiot."

The two of them bantered back and forth about who was the real idiot here, and Lily let her thoughts drift away to the Marauder she considered _her_ brother. She refused to believe Remus was a traitor. That wasn't him. That wasn't him, at all.

She stood up then, and James turned from his fake bickering with Sirius to ask, "Are you sure you're okay, Lils?"

"I'm sure. I'm going in, though, to do some writing."

At her desk, she started off with the easier peace of correspondence: a quick note to Alice.

_Dear Al,_

_It's baby month, and I wish I could celebrate this fact with you over some treacle tart. Bathilda shared a funny little rhyme with me about children, and, if I know you at all, you'll be endeared by it._

_Monday's child is fair of face_

_Tuesday's child is full of grace_

_Wednesday's child is full of woe_

_Thursday's child has far to go_

_Friday's child is loving and giving_

_Saturday's child works hard for his living_

_And the child that is born on the Sabbath day_

_Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay._

_Let's hope we will be lucky enough to labor on Sunday (and hope to avoid Wednesday)!_

_All my love,_

_Lily_

The other letter she needed to pen was far heavier on her heart, and she wanted to make sure she clearly communicated her sentiments. She vanished sentence after sentence before she finally found her momentum.

_My dear Remus,_

_I cannot pretend to understand life as you're living it because I am here in this hidden house, so far removed from the conflict, pressure, and loneliness of the war. But please know I wish I was still within reach to help you carry your burdens._

_Though James and I are tucked away, we still hear things, and the latest grieves my heart. I know war breeds paranoia and distrust. I know there are rumors of a traitor. I don't pretend to think the Order, though we are people of honor and integrity, is safe from human nature. Yet, I know a good man when I see him. I know you are a good man. _

_I do not write to you now because I need to clear my conscience for doubting you—because I didn't and I don't. I write to you now because you need to know there will never come a time when I do not think of you as family, and I hope for days when my son knows his Uncle Moony. He will need you just as he needs his mother and father. He will need his family. Please know I will always count you as part of that._

_Love,_

_Lily_

* * *

"I can't breathe. I can't breathe."

Lily glared at her husband. "Oh, I'm sorry, James, but are _you_ the one suddenly going into labor? Or am _I_? Because—ahhh!" She clutched at her stomach as a ripple of pain overtook her.

"What do we do? What do you need? Who should I send my Patronus for?" For probably the hundredth time in the last ten minutes, James ran his hands through his hair. He looked a mess. His wife, considering she was actually physically dealing with something, was decidedly more collected.

Before Lily could suggest something, a change in the energy throughout the house alerted them to the fact that someone had just stepped through their wards. _Now is really not the time_ , Lily thought as she and James grasped their wands and split up, one going to peer out into the front yard and the other into the back. Lily, looking out at the blooming flowerbeds, didn't see anything. A knocking at the front door made her hurry back as quickly as she could, which wasn't very fast because she had to lean against the wall as another contraction coursed through her.

Then she heard the door open and James greet, "Hullo, Bathilda. What brings you over?"

Lily edged her way into the other room, not sure why their sweet neighbor was calling on them. Bathilda wasn't even really supposed to know where they lived. How had she gotten past their wards? Panic tingled the back of Lily's skull, and she waddled over to where James and the elderly woman were still standing in the open doorway.

"Ah, Miss Lily!" Bathilda exclaimed. "I'm here to help. Don't you worry."

"Help? What are you talking about?" asked Lily.

The witch bustled in past James. She carried a covered basket with her. "I've gathered enough about you to know you are a talented Healer. However, in moments such as these—" Bathilda gestured to Lily's stomach. "—it can be comforting to labor with someone who's seen many babies toddle her way."

And, while Bathilda's presence did bring a sense of ease to Lily, James could not be soothed. He tried to play it cool like he wasn't having a panic attack, but neither woman was fooled.

"Why don't you go take care of something in your garden?" Lily asked at one point when she didn't think she could take the contractions _and_ James's emotions.

"But what if you need something?"

Bathilda squinted her eyes at him, tilting her head. "What do you think I'm here for, boy?"

Part of Lily regretted sending her husband away because she knew he meant well and just wanted to help. But also because, with nothing else to divert her attention, the pain demanded even more of her focus. Her back, thighs, abdomen—everything—ached and cramped and seemed to be fighting against itself. There were a few times Lily was convinced this pain would never leave her. She was stuck in this agony; it was so deep within her bones it was permanent now. She was also convinced it would drive her mad.

"Bathilda, what time is it?"

"Mid-day, I suppose. Oh, what does that clock say? 12:15."

An especially intense contraction burst forth then, and Lily clutched the sheets in tight fists, needing to anchor herself somehow to ride out this pain. It didn't feel like this was a receding wave, though. It just built and built and built for what surely must have been half an hour. Finally, it crashed, and she gasped for air.

"What time is it now?"

"12:20."

"Good Godric, only _five minutes_ have passed?"

The pain was too much. Too much. Lily thought life must have messed this up if this was how she liked to be brought into the world.

And then...

Bathilda quickly rose from her bedside chair, went to the window, pushed it open, and yelled, "James! We need you!"

Because this was it. The final push. Though James was still an emotional mess, Lily had never been happier to have his hand to hold as she reached for her last reserves of strength.

The cries of a babe were her reward, and, with teary eyes, she accepted the bundle Bathilda handed her. Aside from the tears, her first reaction was to laugh. "No one would ever doubt he's your son, Jamie," she chuckled.

"Merlin's beard, he's got better hair than I do! Oh, but his eyes, Lils." James smiled and pressed a quick kiss to her temple. "I was hoping he'd have your eyes."

"Well," Bathilda said, rising, "I better be on my way."

Overwhelmed by pure joy, Lily could hardly find the words to thank the witch, but she was sure the elderly woman understood, especially when she smiled and winked before seeing herself out.

The Potters—finally the three of them—remained cuddled together. There was nowhere to go. No place else any of them wanted to be. "Are we sure on the name, James?" Lily asked in a whisper as she handed the bundle to him.

"It's perfect. He's our little Harry."

Lily rubbed a thumb over the child's cheek. "Welcome home, Harry Potter."

It was absolutely crazy that she had so recently believed her pain was permanent because, as they held their beautiful baby boy and she couldn't take her eyes off him, she was newly convinced the only permanent thing was this joy. Her heart sang of it. Their little Harry. Their sweet, sweet Harry.

Lily had never been one of those girls who felt she'd been born to be a mother. There were always other things she wanted to pursue first: magic, healing, soldiering. She couldn't say even now with this brand new child in her husband's arms that she was called to motherhood. Yet, she knew life, knew there were no accidents, and believed with all her heart she was born to be Harry's mother.

This was one of those gifts she could never have seen coming. Not like this. Not with such affection and gratitude.

Once again, they felt a breach in their wards, and James popped up after handing Harry back. He didn't even make it out of the bedroom, though, before they heard the kitchen door open and close, Sirius Black shouting, "Where's the mini marauder?"

Sirius appeared in the doorway and stopped in his tracks as he saw them. His chest heaved, and Lily wondered vaguely just how fast and far he'd run to get to their house so quickly. After a moment, he carefully, cautiously, walked over. He held one of his hands up against his chest, over his heart. "How...how is he? Lily, how are you?" he asked, voice soft.

"Blissful," she said. She gave him a pointed look before she added, "And I'll be happier still once Harry's had a chance to be held by his godfather."

The unspoken implication caused Sirius's jaw to drop. "You can't...you can't be serious."

James, having the best day of his life, smiled and said, "That's right because _you're_ Sirius."

"Don't mess with me, Prongs. I need to know this is real. I need to know you're really entrusting me with this." He sank onto the edge of the chair Bathilda had been sitting in.

"Padfoot, we trust you entirely."

"But," Lily interjected as she watched James place Harry in his best friend's arms, "you can bet there will be hell to pay if I ever hear of you taking him for a ride on your stupid bike without a helmet or if he tries to emulate all the nonsense you got up to at school or—"

James turned to cut her off with a kiss. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Lils."

And Lily could not argue with that because this moment was too good to rush out of. There was restoration and peace in the way Sirius cradled Harry close, in the way he teared up yet also scoffed at the full head of hair. "I suppose," he said, "this means you win the wager, Jamie boy."

"You should both note the streak I have going." James lowered himself onto the bed next to Lily, again. "I knew we'd get together summer before seventh year, and what did I say about Harry here?"

Rolling her eyes, Lily said, "Oh, please, it's rigged."

"Rigged? _Rigged_?" The tone of James's voice suggested that was a scandalous notion.

"How long am I allowed to hold your son?" Sirius asked then.

Through a yawn, Lily settled in more against the pillows and said, "Just not forever, okay?"

"Lils, do you need a quick spot of rest? Oh, and what about a snack?" James was getting up, again. "Actually, I should get you a fresh glass of cold water."

So, while James hurried to gather refreshment, Lily closed her eyes and drifted off into a nap. The last thing she heard before surrendering to a spell of respite was this: "Hullo, Harry. I'm Padfoot."

* * *

Though she was exhausted from the long day, Lily lit a candle and sank onto her desk chair. Marlene's Patronus had appeared earlier to share the good news that, after laboring much of yesterday, Alice had given birth to a healthy and happy boy just before midnight. The Longbottoms had named him Neville.

"Just think," said James, "Harry and Neville were so close to having the same exact birthday. Alice would have loved that."

Lily smiled and let out a small chuckle. "We'd be doing joint, themed parties for the rest of our lives. Who knows? We still might. Funny how this happens. I don't know why she bothered thinking we had to plan this out because, clearly, this is always how it was meant to be."

So, Lily had to write a quick card to send to her best friend. Had to congratulate as well as pass along the joy of their own day. When that was finished, she took up another bit of parchment with a sigh. She didn't even really know what lit this desire within her, but, as the day had worn on, she found herself wishing she could share this news with her family. And that was Petunia. All the family she had left now. Whether or not her older sister actually cared to hear from her, Lily wanted to keep her in the loop. Wanted to reconnect so they could celebrate these moments in life together.

In her careful, elegant hand, she wrote up a short note. She didn't share too much about what was happening in her life aside from the arrival of Harry. That was enough. That was a chance to start again. Lily wished she knew if it would actually be enough.

Then, with that behind her, she got up and went to the nursery at the end of the hall. She watched her son, peacefully asleep, and found she couldn't ask for anything else. Life had given her more than she could have ever hoped for. 


	17. Chapter 17: Christmas 1980

"What do you think, Harry?" Lily bounced her son on her hip as they stood in front of the living room window, staring out at the falling snow. "Isn't it beautiful?"

Behind her, James walked into the room and said, "If you think what you're looking at is beautiful, you should see it from where I'm standing." They shared a smile, and James set the box he was holding down onto the sofa. "Should we let the little guy hang the first ornament?"

"Ha," said Lily. "He's more likely to try putting it in his mouth before putting it on the tree."

"Just think," James said, "this time last year the young man was responsible for you being sick every morning, and now look. Are we happy or what?"

Lily moved from the window to her husband's side and wrapped one arm around him. The three of them squished together, and she whispered, "I'm happiest with you, James Potter."

They spent the next hour arranging baubles on the tree, Harry playing with the stuffed reindeer Sirius had brought over. Of all things, Sirius thought it was hysterical to give Harry a plush version of his father.

"Sirius," she said, "he's too small to understand that."

"Doesn't mean I can't be amused by it."

"Padfoot, that's not even a stag. And why is its nose red?" James had frowned down at the toy.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. I found it at some muggle shop. Lily? What's the red-nosed nonsense?"

"Wait, what were you doing in a muggle shop?" she asked.

Another shrug. "Just trying to keep occupied."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "And avoiding Remus still?"

"Look, I just don't feel safe in his company, anymore. Not when we're still unable to figure out who the spy is." Indignant, Sirius crossed his arms over his chest.

James had scooped Harry up—the stuffed reindeer, too—and made for the kitchen, saying, "We're not re-hashing this. It only takes us in circles."

The other two followed him, Lily huffing, "Okay, but I want to know if there's been anything new about Remus's behavior that's added fuel to the fire."

"He's just so evasive and vague," said Sirius. "And it'd be one thing if he was chasing after some bird, but he'd be in better spirits if he was in love. Everyone knows that. So—"

"Did you know he's been going into St. Mungo's every week to serve as a test subject for a new potion that's been in development?" Lily asked.

Sirius glanced between the witch before him, her husband, and back at her. "How do you know that?"

"I'm allowed to correspond with my friends, Sirius."

"What's this potion supposed to do for him?" 

"It's supposed to help his condition," she explained, "and, from what he's told me, it's helping but takes its toll."

A few minutes slipped by where no one said anything. Standing in front of the cupboards, James was spending an unusual amount of time locating an appropriate snack for Harry. She wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling to know his two closest friends were estranged.

"What about Peter?" James asked after enough silence had filled in around them.

"Oh, yeah," said Sirius, "I still see Peter loads. He's doing all right."

James met his stare. "Still scared?"

One, quick nod. "Still scared." Then Sirius sighed, "I'm sorry, you guys."

"Sorry for what?" Lily asked, going over and picking out a snack since James seemed to be, mentally, concerned with other things.

"It's the holidays," Sirius said in a sad voice, "and I meant to bring more joy, not take it." He sank onto one of the kitchen table chairs.

James took a seat next to him and said, "Come on, mate, we're happy you're here. It's good when you're around."

First Sirius found the honesty in his brother's eyes, and then he looked to Lily for a second piece of confirmation. It wasn't difficult to find that, either, because, though she might have been upset about the tension between her friends, she loved them above all else. Even Harry, who was sitting on the rug in front of the sink and eating his snack, made gleeful noises.

"Sirius, what are your plans for Christmas?" Lily asked.

"Mad-Eye's put me at one of the coastal safehouses. I think Kingsley will be there, too."

"Well," James said, "if you happen to have time, you're more than welcome to pop in. We'll make sure there's extra Yorkshire pudding just for you."

When Christmas day rolled around not long after that, James, in fact, did make sure there was more than enough pudding all around. Their only guest for dinner was Bathilda, who claimed she couldn't do sweets anymore in her old age.

"If that's a truth about aging," said James, "I hope I'm young forever."

The elderly witch just laughed and then handed her basket over to him. "Would you be so kind as to put these parcels under the tree? Oh, and where is the babe? My, what a handsome sweater you're wearing, Mister Harry."

This was a Christmas unlike any other Lily had ever experienced. It was a much smaller crowd. A much quieter environment. A pleasant yet still somber mood. She was especially grateful for her son's presence because life, these days, seemed better with a child to dote on.

After they'd eaten the main course and were letting their stomachs settle before dessert, they gathered in the living room for gifts. There weren't many to pass around, and most of them were for Harry, which each adult was satisfied with. However, there was one package, in particular, that stumped Lily.

"But, Bathilda, where did you get this?" she asked as she held it. Such a neatly wrapped box with a perfectly tied ribbon of green.

Bathilda, holding her teacup and saucer in one hand, gestured out toward the front yard. "It was just out there with the post-box. Thought I'd bring it in with me."

"Who's it from?" James leaned over to read the tag, and his brows lifted in surprise. "Your sister? I thought she'd written us off for good when she never replied to your note about Harry's birth."

"Well, go on and open it," Bathilda encouraged. "I'm vastly curious to see what your odd sister might send."

Lily, as she started tugging on the ribbon, gave the old woman a small smile. "She's not odd. She's just..." She didn't finish that sentence because there was no easy way to. Instead, she simply continued unwrapping the package.

"What is that?" James asked when the box was opened.

"Merlin, it's hideous," said Bathilda.

Staring at the orange speckled vase in her hands and holding it like it was a valuable piece of treasure, Lily quietly said, "I think it's beautiful."

Of course, when she looked at it, again, in the morning light the next day, she had to agree with Bathilda; it _was_ a rather hideous vase. But it was beautiful to be acknowledged by her sister. It was beautiful to know some piece of Petunia still cared enough to send a gift, to remember her. That was the real treasure.

She left it out on the kitchen table, and Sirius, when he showed up on the morning of the twenty-sixth—unable to stop by even a little while the day before—sat there with pudding for breakfast and said, "That is the ugliest ceramic I've ever seen."

"Sirius..."

"What? I wouldn't lie to you."

James walked in then, Harry in one arm, and kissed her head. "Don't worry, Lils. We'll fill it with flowers as soon as spring comes, and then we'll hardly notice it."

That was a nice idea, yet, the more she looked at it, Lily loved it just as it was. 


	18. Chapter 18: Spring 181

The bad news started with the Prewett brothers.

Lily was out in the back garden, one eye on the bulbs she was planting and the other on her son. It was a gorgeous spring day, and Lily was glad they could feel the sun on their faces. Harry tottered around in the soil at times, and then he would wander back over to her, pressing grubby fingers against her arms.

"Enjoying yourself, love?" She snuggled him close, and he babbled back at her. Smiling down at him, she listened to his noises of nonsense before chuckling and asking, "Is that so? Do tell me more."

Then she heard James's voice. "Lily?" he called from inside the house. "Lily?"

"We're out here!"

As soon as he stepped out the back door, she knew something was wrong. She couldn't help the reflex to hold Harry a little closer. James walked over. He hadn't even bothered to put on a pair of shoes, and his gaze was focused down on a small piece of paper he held in a trembling hand.

Lily swallowed past building nerves and, as steadily as she could, asked, "What is it? Who is it?"

"An update from Moony." What hollowness echoed in his words. "A bad scrimmage at the Ministry yesterday. A lot of injuries and—" He broke off with a sniff.

"And?"

"And Fabian and Gideon didn't make it. Five Death Eaters against the two of them. Moony says they fought like heroes."

"Oh, James..." Lily murmured.

Tears welled in his eyes as he stared down at the letter, and then his gaze shifted to meet hers. Just as he didn't like to see her frown, she disliked the same for him. Yet, there was nothing she could do in this moment to make things better because this was another lesson of war: everything was so conclusive. Definite. She still couldn't figure out how to properly heal those kinds of wounds.

Wordlessly, James turned then and headed back inside. Lily let him go, alone. Harry, still in her arms, reached up one of his dirty hands to touch her cheek. Oh, her sweet boy, who reminded her so much of his father. She brushed his messy hair back and kissed his forehead.

"Okay, Harry," she whispered against his head, "let's finish with the planting, yeah? Then let's go in to daddy. He'll need one of your hugs."

Little Harry, not old enough to comprehend the significance of the news, simply clung to his mother, somehow understanding enough to know he needed to not let go. When they went inside a while later, they found James sitting at the kitchen table. A mug of now-cold coffee was before him. He stared at it, but Lily knew he wasn't really seeing it.

At their entrance, he pulled himself out of his thoughts and gave their son a soft smile. "And how's Mister Harry?" he asked, holding out his arms.

"Good, though watch out for his hands. He's after your Herbology skills," she said as she moved to him and handed Harry over.

James paid no mind to the grubby fingers. Instead, he blew a raspberry against Harry's cheek, earning a delighted squeal from the child. Giggles quickly followed as James tickled his tummy.

As Lily walked past them toward the sink to wash the soil from her own skin, she squeezed her husband's shoulder, grateful one of the truest things about him was that he was always on the hunt for joy.

And they needed that. As the days passed and more bad news was ushered in, they needed to cling to what was good.

When Lily woke in the morning a few days later, she knew something was wrong. She lay still in bed, listening. No out-of-place noises came back to her. Glancing beside her, she saw James peacefully asleep. He was fine.

She got up and hurried to the nursery. The smile that tugged on her lips the moment she saw little Harry just as peacefully asleep as his father was immediate and full of affection. Tufts of hair—growing in so thick and dark—stuck up every which way. Also just like his father. Harry was fine.

But there was something. Somehow she understood, felt in the very deepest corners of her soul, that something had happened.

She quietly left the nursery and made her way down to the kitchen. As she put the kettle on to boil, she suddenly realized what was different.

It was Tuesday, and early Tuesday mornings, since she and James had gone into hiding, were reserved for Marlene. Lily would usually come downstairs to find a shimmery, ethereal wolf keeping her hearth warm with the beginnings of conversation from one of her dearest friends. Today, though, there was no wolf. The hearth was cold and empty.

Lily scrambled to call upon her doe. She sent it off with a good morning message and waited. While she waited, she made herself a cup of tea. She put toast in the oven. She tried to quiet her overthinking mind.

After a half hour had passed with nothing in return, Lily called upon her doe, again, and sent it to Alice, asking if she'd heard anything from their friend. An icy discomfort spread up her spine when Alice replied in the negative.

James made his way downstairs then, reheating the kettle and noticing how on-edge she was. "What's the matter, Lils? I just peeked in at Harry. Looks like he's still asleep."

A great fear welled within her at the notion of giving specific words to the dread keeping her company. "James," she said, swallowing past the lump in her throat, "I think something's happened to Marlene."

"What?" He froze as he reached for a mug.

She explained to him their routine, explained how that routine had been broken. "Of course, it could be nothing. I've been trying to keep myself from becoming as paranoid as everyone else seems to be, so maybe this is...maybe it's nothing."

But then they felt a tap against the wards surrounding their house. Both of them clutched at their wands, and Lily joined James where he stood frowning out the window above the kitchen sink. A silver tabby cat trotted through their backyard, and James muttered, "McGonagall? What's she doing here?"

Yet, Lily knew the answer. Her chin wobbled, and she suddenly found it difficult to breathe. James went to open the door for their professor, and Lily grasped onto the edge of the counter to keep herself on her feet.

When McGonagall walked in through the back door, she met Lily's eyes, and Lily felt her lungs deflate. The exhale that left her was the first sound of grief. Then McGonagall, looking older and more worn than she had the last time she'd seen them, said, "Lily, you should probably take a seat."

"I think I know why you're here, professor," she said in a voice she meant to keep steady but that betrayed her emotions. "What happened to Marlene?"

"Gone," McGonagall whispered, shook. "Murdered. In the night. Her whole family, too."

Lily should have listened to the advice to find a seat because she lost feeling in her legs, sinking down onto the kitchen floor and finding support against the cupboards. Tears welled so thickly in her eyes she couldn't see past them. Blinking rapidly, she swiped at her cheeks and turned to the fireplace. Maybe, just maybe, the wolf would appear. Maybe it would bring a message of miscommunication. McGonagall would not lie to them, though, would not bring them false messages, and, when she looked back at her husband and favorite professor, Lily was forced to face unchangeable truth.

It wasn't clear to her how long McGonagall stuck around after that, but Lily registered her coming over, bending down to kiss the top of her head, and excusing herself out the way she'd entered. James probably meant to sit with her, but a second ripple in their wards put him on the defense, again.

Then the Potters had another grieving soul in their house as Sirius rushed in. Judging by the expression of disbelief on his face and the way he shook his head, Lily could tell he had raced over as soon as he could to figure out if what he'd been told was true. Because it was too terrible to be true. It was too awful and final to be reality.

Sirius didn't turn to James for answers but to the girl he knew would feel this pain as acutely as he did. While Sirius had never gotten around to telling Marlene just how much he loved her, he'd known her about as well as Lily had. So, Lily would be the one to match the agony demanding release from his heart. He, in what felt like slow motion to Lily, walked over to her and dropped down onto the floor beside her. Quietly, he asked, "Is Marlene...?" Asking the entire question wasn't feasible in this darkness.

Lily nodded and watched Sirius's face crumple.

"Oh, no," he moaned. "Oh, please, no."

For the second time in her life, Lily, though feeling her heart had also been wrenched in two, held Sirius Black as he cried.

* * *

_Dear Alice,_

_I write to you now out of selfish need because my heart is heavy, and I miss both you and Marlene. How can it be that it feels just like yesterday we were nineteen and drinking wine at your old flat? I so wish we could reclaim that time for ourselves._

_I wonder how you're doing, how you're grieving, too. Personally, I've been snuggling more with Harry, and I hope you are finding comfort in your son, too. Sometimes, when it gets to be too much staying cooped up in this house, I let myself get away mentally, and I dream of the coming days when the war ends. One of the best things I can envision is this picture of Harry and Neville running around together, playing and —dare I say it?—making mischief. I would give anything for our boys to know that future._

Lily's letter-writing was interrupted then when she felt someone enter through their wards. Her hand stilled; she stopped breathing. Then, from downstairs, she heard James say, "Hullo, Dumbledore. It's a pleasure to see you."

Abandoning her spot at her desk, Lily hurried from the room and down the stairs. She entered the living room just as Dumbledore was taking a seat in their rocking chair, James sinking down onto the couch with a glance at where Harry was playing with building blocks. Much to her surprise, Dumbledore had not appeared empty-handed.

"Good evening, Lily," he greeted. "I brought you something I thought might add some variety to your seclusion."

Tentatively, Lily accepted the black kitten he held out to her. All she could do for a minute was stare at it. It stared back at her with intense, knowing eyes. Then it mewed, and one of its claws dug into her thumb a bit. "What...what's its name?"

"She does not have one, yet," said Dumbledore. "I thought it improper to name her when she was not to be my pet."

Lily cradled the kitten close to her chest and smoothed a finger over its head. "Well, thank you very much, sir."

The Potters sat together on the couch then, and James looked questioningly at the old man. "Dumbledore, we don't mean to be rude, but what business have you here tonight?"

"Be at ease," Dumbledore said, "because I come with no ill news. I wanted to check in on you three as well as ask if I may borrow your Invisibility Cloak."

James's brow furrowed. "The Cloak? Well, sure. Let me go grab it."

While James got up and climbed the stairs to the master bedroom, Lily turned a curious eye from the cat to Dumbledore. "Is that really why you've come? There are no new updates?"

"Is no news too good to be true?"

"These days? Yes."

A particularly loud string of incomprehensible sounds came from Harry's corner of the living room where he knocked over the tower he was constructing. It made the old man chuckle and say, "He's a spitting image of his father. Well, aside from the eyes. Not the only thing I hope you've given him, Lily."

"No," Lily smiled, "thankfully not."

James came back down then with his Cloak. They sat around talking for a little while, the Potters soaking up even the seemingly mundane anecdotes Dumbledore shared because they were so hungry for contact with the outside world, again. Being cooped up, though they were safe and together, was a form of slow torture some days.

After Dumbledore left, Lily let their new pet out in the backyard. She and James stood in the doorway and watched it familiarize itself with its home.

"What should we name her, Jamie?" Lily asked, leaning into her husband.

He wrapped an arm around her. "Let's name her Moody. Just picture the look on Mad-Eye's face when he finds out we named our cat after him."

"Yes, but Moody's a man."

"And now," James nodded in the direction of the cat, "he's a female feline. Come on, Lils. Let's get supper started."

* * *

Way back when she first officially joined the fight—some time in the weeks following her and James's wedding—Alice suggested the Order take an all-member photograph. Feeling horribly depressed and dejected, Lily dug through her desk until she found it. How she'd ended up with it she wasn't sure. Probably because it couldn't have been taken out of the Manor, yet, when she and James moved, it must have been stuffed in with their packages. She was grateful to hold it in her hands now.

One by one, Lily sought out the faces of each of her friends. How young they looked. How young they _were_. Had this really only been taken three years ago? How was it possible she was twenty-one now and a mother? Twenty-one and hiding from a monster who wanted to murder her son?

_How_ could life have orchestrated this?

Moody, far too clingy for a cat, hopped up onto her lap, and Lily rubbed the top of its head. A pleased purring began.

In the midst of all this violence and sorrow, _how_ did life find it within herself to carry on?

"Lily! I think Harry just said his first word!"

In a hurry, Lily was rising, displacing the cat, and rushing to the loo where bath time was currently underway. "What was it? What did he say?"

James, smiling and shaking his head, said, "I'm pretty sure it sounded a lot like—"

"Padfoot!" Covered in bubbles, Harry grinned at his mama.

Laughing, Lily said, "Of course! Sirius's corruption has set in more than I'd hoped."

As she moved further into the room to crouch beside the tub with her husband so she could babble with their son, Lily realized life found many reasons worth carrying on for.


	19. Chapter 19: Summer 1981

Though Marlene wasn't the first taken by the war, she was the first of their friend group gone, and her absence felt nearly as tangible as her presence used to. Lily couldn't count the number of times, reflexively, her dear friend crossed her mind. Whether it was because she read an article in the paper that made her think, _Oh, I'll have to tell Marlene about this whenever we chat next_ or when Harry started getting into a sassy phase and she knew Marlene would have appreciated being able to teach the little man a thing or two.

More often than not, though, Lily thought about Marlene most whenever Sirius left after a quick visit. He was one of the only people who could still see them as not many of the Order members knew exactly where she, James, and Harry were located. It grieved Lily to keep this information from Alice and Remus. The Longbottoms, she knew, understood and had to consider their own son. But Remus...of course, he understood, too, but he was so alone. So very alone.

How could life have given them this? Taken Marlene and given them this divide?

More than that, how could Lily have let herself believe life wouldn't?

She sat in the living room watching Sirius entertain Harry while James took care of the laundry, and her heart hurt. True, her heart also beat with great love to watch her son and his godfather play together. Yet, she looked at Sirius and saw a man who had waited to love because he'd thought he'd have another day, more time, to address such a significant topic with a witch neither of them were getting back.

* * *

Lily had other thoughts regarding Sirius Black when it was time to celebrate July 31st.

"What is this? What was he thinking?" Lily held a child's broom in her hands, disbelief pouring off her. "How is this an acceptable gift for a one-year-old child?"

"Well," said James, "he was probably thinking our son needs a little adventure."

"He's only a year old! He can't be riding a broom, yet!"

"Would you be more upset if he had sent along a child-sized motorcycle helmet?"

Lily shook the broom at her husband. "He should have sent one of those, too! Harry will need it to get on this thing."

"Now, Lily," said Bathilda, who had been helping herself to a finger cake, "motherhood has been known to make many women sensitive about all kinds of things, but you shouldn't be surprised that Mister Black, from what I've heard of him, would give such a thing. And I dare say your son is of an aptitude for it."

It was true: Harry, while his mother was having a mini fit, had toddled over to her and grasped for the gift his godfather had sent. "Ma, ma," he said, and, in a funny way, he reminded her of a chicken. A different sort of clucking, but a clucking all the same. "Ma, ma."

"Come on, Lils," James said, "let him have a ride."

"It'll be good for the lad," added Bathilda.

Caving to the pressure and desires of the gathered crowd, she sighed. "Oh, very well." Then she let Harry take a hold of the broom. "But we should at the very least, do this out in the backyard, and—Good Godric, Harry, wait!"

Except, Harry would not wait and wasted no time in straddling the broomstick and pushing up. He giggled with pure delight and took off. Since it was his first time flying he, naturally, wasn't very skilled. First he tipped the teapot over, spilling the brown liquid all over the finger cakes and rug, and then he swerved around the couch so as to make James quickly lean away or else get run into. Before Lily was able to grab hold of him, James snapped a picture. Lily snatched her son off the broom, and, as the broom clattered in for a landing, it knocked the orange speckled vase to the ground, shattering it.

Sudden silence, in the aftermath of such commotion, didn't last very long because James and Bathilda burst out in laughter. Lily gave her husband a look that said, _Really, can we please take this seriously?_

"I'm sorry, Lils," James chuckled. "But no one got hurt. And that was a really ugly vase. Petunia has no taste."

Bathilda nodded adamantly. "I said it once, and I'll say it again: absolutely hideous."

Finally, Lily laughed, too, and said, "All right, all right. Let's go take this out into the backyard. Young man, this is _not_ to be flown in the house, again. Is that understood?"

When they'd had a full afternoon of sunshine and flying lessons, James and Lily cleaned up the remains of the birthday tea, content.

"Lily," said James, making sure the rug was in perfect condition despite a pot of tea being spilled on it, "we have a Quidditch star on our hands. He's going to out-fly everyone in his year when he gets to Hogwarts. I can already picture us going to watch his matches. Eleven-years-old and the best Chaser the school's ever seen."

"You're going mad, Jamie. First-years aren't allowed on the team."

"Harry will be so good they'll have to make an exception."

"But a Chaser? You think he'll be a Chaser?"

James ceased tidying up to look at her, affronted. "What else would he be, especially when I'll teach him everything I know."

She shrugged and said, "You honestly can't tell me Sirius didn't send that broom hoping his godson will be the next greatest Keeper?"

Laughter from her husband. "We'll just see about that."

They finished the clean-up in silence, each reflecting on the day. Though James's thoughts must have been far-off picturing him and Lily sitting together on a beautiful fall day in the stands at Hogwarts' pitch, Lily couldn't help but replay some conversation she and Bathilda had had. Conversation about Bathilda's great-nephew, Gellert Grindelwald, and a friendship between him and Dumbledore. Yet, that was too preposterous. Dumbledore? Friends with such an infamously dark wizard? And not only that but the same dark wizard he defeated?

Bathilda, Lily thought, must be losing her mind.

Lily kept wondering, though, what truth there might be in it because hadn't Dumbledore said he'd lived here in Godric's Hollow at one point? Wasn't it possible, then, for Dumbledore and Grindelwald to have crossed paths before the latter's dramatic finish?

Whether that friendship was real or otherwise was not really a concern of hers, Lily knew. What was concerning to her was what it might reveal to her about Dumbledore. She trusted him wholeheartedly, but she couldn't say she really knew him. And she thought back to that night he shared the prophecy with them all. She remembered the way he'd spoken about their children, about Harry and Neville. Weapons. He'd referred to them as weapons. She didn't like—didn't trust—that kind of perspective. Her Harry was not a pawn in the war. He was Harry—the sweetest little boy who was going to grow up out of harm's way, raised on Quidditch and pranks and all that grew in the gardens.

"So, I was thinking," James said, nabbing her attention again. That classic, mischievous glimmer shone in his expression.

"Thanks for the warning."

"Ha ha, Lily Evans made a joke at the expense of James Potter. What is new?" He smirked and rolled his eyes. "Do you want to hear my latest idea or what?"

She smiled, waved her wand to set the teacups to wash in the sink, and said, "I should very much like to hear it."

"Good," said James, and he walked up to her to take her hands in his. "So, I was thinking that Harry can only grow to become the absolute best Quidditch player ever—"

"Oh, Merlin, this is about _Quidditch_?"

"Just wait, you impatient witch. I will admit, it has something to do with the best sport known to wizard-kind, but there's more." Again, he smiled deviously down at her. "The best way for Harry to train would be with a team, you know. Of course, I realize you're not going to turn around and pop out six babies tomorrow, but what say you about trying for another? Maybe one who could defend the goal posts?"

Now it was Lily's turn to laugh. "James Potter, you choose the oddest ways to communicate your propositions."

"But they're so effective, are they not?"

"More effective than I care to admit," she murmured, pulling him in for a kiss.

* * *

The news at breakfast the next day was far more intriguing than her cereal, and Lily forgot entirely about eating as she poured over _The Prophet_.

"Jamie," she said, "listen to this."

James, from where he was brewing coffee, said, "My ears are yours, love."

"Right here on the front page. It says, _Ministry decisive in legalizing Unforgivables for Aurors_."

"I beg your pardon, but that must be a misprint."

"It's the headline. They wouldn't do that. Not for something this crucial. Good Godric...I wonder what that will mean for us."

What exactly that meant for them was revealed in the days and weeks that followed. Between reports in-person from Sirius, the paper, and letters from Remus, the tide of the war was changing. Mad-Eye was on a roll, arresting Death Eaters left and right and sending them off to Azkaban. It was the first time in a long while Lily had seen Sirius look borderline cheery.

"It's an ethical dilemma, no doubt," he said one day as he and Lily stood in the kitchen talking about it. "But it makes sense to me. We're all a little grey, anyhow. Leveling the playing field and dabbling a little in this dark magic for a good cause can't hurt."

She arched a brow. "How very liberal of you, Sirius."

"Well, all I'm saying is that if I have to live with a guilty conscience for the rest of my life because I used the _Cruiciatus_ a time or two to ensure the protection of my godson, I'll do it." He was distracted then by movement out the window. "Speaking of...are they starting practice without me? Now that's just rude of Prongs. I better go show your son why _I_ was named captain our final year and his father was not."

As Lily watched the three of them fly around the yard—Harry, of course, not being able to go very high or fast—she thought of Marlene. It couldn't be helped. Not when Sirius came around and, especially, not when they were partaking in her favorite pastime. Lily knew, really knew, that if the war had not demanded everything from her, Marlene would most certainly have been going into her fourth year with the Harpies. She had been so good.

That was part of why the grieving didn't end. Every day Lily continued to survive made her think of just one more thing Marlene had been robbed of. On multiple occasions, Lily had told her friends she believed better, new times were coming, and it was an injustice that Marlene couldn't be around to live those days, too. There was a distinct separation. Division. Too much to wrap her head around.

Because, she knew, there would come a time when her Harry—though he was only a baby now—would grow to an age older than one of her best friends. He would grow and play and run around with his own schoolmates. And even she, his mother who was still very much alive, would one day not be around to see him age into wrinkles and grey hair and spectacles. But she knew in her heart those days lay ahead for him. Knew it just as she knew Marlene's would never come back.

And how did she reconcile the desperate wish for two of her favorite people to know each other when reality made it very clear they never would? How did she make peace with the fact that James thought he knew everything Harry should understand about being a Chaser but that Marlene really ought to be there because she had things she could have shared, too?

What was there to do about it?

What she wanted to do was go crawl into bed and cry until all the grief had left her body. She didn't think that was possible, though, because she knew grief was simply love that had nowhere to go, and she would never lose her love for those she'd lost.

So, instead, she took a few minutes to focus on her breathing, to calm herself. Then, when she felt decidedly more collected, she joined her family in the backyard. She watched then with great attention because she wanted to write everything down later and send it off to Alice. She really needed to advise the Longbottoms to invest in a broom, if they hadn't already, because she knew the minute all was clear James and Sirius were going to include Neville in their tiny trainings.

It was good to be in the sun watching such pleasure play out, though Lily was not used to spectating on her own. A note to Remus was in order then, too.

She took in deep breaths and felt her soul settle further. _We'll see new days_ , she reminded herself, _and they will be here soon. I am sure of it_. 


	20. Chapter 20: Fall 1981

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is the final chapter. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback, and I so appreciate you reading :)

"Harry, don't pull on Moody's tail!" Lily shouted from the kitchen. She could just see her son terrorizing the cat in the other room. "Harry!"

The tiny monster abandoned that game and hurried down the hall to her. "Padfoot says cat bad. Dog good."

"I'm sure he does," she said, "but we still need to be nice to Moody. She's a friend."

"Padfoot."

"I know, I know. You love your Uncle Padfoot."

"Padfoot." Harry turned to go back to torturing the cat, intermittently saying Sirius's nickname as he disappeared.

When the back door opened then, Lily, thinking it was only James, said, "Next time we see Sirius, remind me to tell him to tell Harry to play nice with the cat."

The man in question spoke then, as he was entering with not only James but Dumbledore, too. "Merlin, Evans. Are you pushing parenting duties onto me now?"

If the unexpected presence of their old headmaster hadn't taken her by surprise, she surely would have snapped something back. As it was, she focused on Dumbledore. "Good morning, sir. I had no idea you were stopping in. Should I make some tea?"

"No, thank you, Lily," Dumbledore said with a quiet smile. "I won't be long. I've come to pass along some advice, is all. Then I really must be on my way, again."

"Advice?" Lily, who had been making meat pies for later in the day, wiped her hands on a nearby towel and moved over to where James and Sirius had already sat down at the table.

Dumbledore remained standing. "Surely you must know the tide of the war has changed. Every day we are closer and closer to victory. That is no secret to either side. Voldemort is getting desperate."

The three friends shared uneasy looks, and it was James who asked, "Are you implying that we're in more danger now? More danger than we have been?"

"Yes," the old man said. "Voldemort is on a rampage at heights we've not seen in the years past. He's doing everything in his power to hunt you down. He's closing in."

"And your advice?" Lily asked, gripping the towel so tightly her knuckles were turning white. This couldn't be happening. Not for them. Not for her Harry.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and said, "Get a secret keeper."

James frowned. "A what?"

"It's a protection charm—the Fidelius charm. For your purposes, you would choose one, singular person to carry the knowledge of your location, and you would make this charm exist between you. You would know and they would know and that would be it. So long as your secret keeper keeps your secret, no one will ever be able to find you. Voldemort could peer inside your very windows here, watch you eat breakfast, and never know it's you inside."

It seemed too good to be true that such a protection charm could exist. Too good but also a saving grace.

"Well, Dumbledore," James said, "you should be our secret keeper."

Again, Dumbledore gave a small smile. "I am honored you would entrust that to me, but I rather think there is someone else here who would make a fine keeper. It is, after all, what he did best at school. But, ah, the time. I must be off. The three of you have things to discuss." Before he left, though, he placed a book on the tabletop, saying, "The instructions for casting the charm are within. You must act with haste." Then he was gone.

As soon as he was out the door, James turned to Sirius and said, "Well, that's settled then. You're our secret keeper."

"Prongs, don't get me wrong here. I want to, but I think that wouldn't be the wisest choice."

"What are you talking about, Padfoot?"

"Padfoot!" From the living room, Harry's voice rose up.

"Dumbledore will have certainly informed Mad-Eye and other members of the Order that he's advising you to undergo the protection of the Fidelius charm," explained Sirius. "We still don't know who the spy is. But once they know you've employed a secret keeper, they'll know right away it's me. Because who _else_ could it be? You both trust me with your lives. You definitely trust me with Harry's. So, they'll target me, and I would rather catch then unawares as to who you've trusted with this."

The sense of that reality sunk in, and the mood in the kitchen grew grim. James, with an audible swallow past whatever emotion was rising in his throat, whispered, "If you aren't our keeper, we won't be able to see you, again. You won't be able to just pop in any time you like. You won't be able to find us, anymore."

Lily stepped up beside her husband and placed a hand on his shoulder; he reached up to grasp it.

A steely determination set Sirius's jaw. "I know. But, James, I am not about to let any of you die. I won't do it."

"So, who do you think we should pick?"

In an instant, Lily and Sirius made eye contact, understood each other perfectly, and she said, "Peter. Peter will be the least likely choice."

Sirius nodded. "And he's a friend. He already goes undetected so much. And, for the time being, he can stay with me. I'll make sure he's looked after."

"I don't like this," James muttered, shaking his head. "I don't like that we have to do this. But I like the implied alternative even less."

The next evening, Sirius and Peter showed up, ready for the next step.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Lily asked their small friend as she held open in her hands the book Dumbledore had left them. "This is asking a lot of you."

Peter nodded. "I understand, though. I know what's at stake."

"Okay. Thank you, Peter." Then she turned to Sirius. She chewed at her lip before, softly, saying, "Sirius, you have to go now. The book says..."

A watery sigh escaped the Black boy. "Let me just give Harry one last hug. You know he'll miss his Padfoot until we can be together again."

Harry, after happily receiving such affection from his godfather, frowned up at him as Sirius edged to the back door. "Padfoot go now?"

"Yes, but don't worry, Harry," he said. "We'll see each other again before you know it." Then a hug for Lily, an extra long one for his brother, and then Sirius nodded at Peter. "I'll be out back when you're finished."

There was something dreadfully final about the door closing after him. Lily couldn't suppress the shiver that ran down her spine, and it reminded her of the morning she last saw McGonagall. A desperate impulse rose up within her to quickly call Sirius back, to beg him to reconsider being their secret keeper.

But then she gave her attention back to what was happening in her kitchen, and she took care to follow every last instruction for the charm. This was for Harry. All for Harry because she would do everything within her power to keep him safe.

* * *

Lily, ever a morning person, was the first in the house to wake. She stood in front of the big, bay window in the dining room where the early light streamed in the best. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Another day. They were safe another day.

And a beautiful day at that. The last one October would give them. Everyone celebrating All Hallow's Eve would have a nice night.

There was sunshine, and Lily stood there soaking it up. She stood there for as long as she could because she knew this was the last day in October, and she thought of Dumbledore. The mellow sunshine—it was eternally fading. Today's was no different. So, she stood there, and she was grateful for the light that filled her life.

By the time the boys woke, Lily was fully ready for the day and told James, "I think we should rake the leaves today."

"Or we could use our magic to do such a thing," he said as he lifted his coffee cup for a sip.

"You do what you like, James Potter, but it is such a nice day out there that I'd rather spend my time with this task, thank you very much."

She wrapped up in her jacket and Gryffindor scarf and, as she headed out the back door, heard her husband say, "Okay, Harry, we better go out, too." It made her smile.

Harry, of course, loved being in the backyard because he could switch between flying and messing around in the piles of leaves.

"Sirius should have gifted him a child-sized rake so he could help us," said James. There was a pause before he quietly said, "It's been a long two weeks without him."

Lily threw a handful of leaves at him, laughing. "And what are Harry and I? Chopped liver?"

He tossed his rake aside and went to her, pulling her into his arms. "Oh, Lily, you know I'd be lost without you."

"You are still, without a doubt, the sappiest man I know, Jamie." With a quick peck to his cheek, she extracted herself from his hold and continued with the leaves. A wild grin threatened to spread across her entire face.

Her husband noticed it. "Lils, if I didn't know you better, I would say you're hiding something. But, since I do know you, I know you would never hide something from your husband who just professed—again—his undying devotion for you."

So, she did let herself fully grin at him. Then she said, "I was just thinking the fall months are some of my favorites. You know, it was November when we found out about Harry."

"Ah, the nostalgia is setting in. I did this. This is my fault by mentioning Padfoot."

"Oh, stop." She reached out to smack his arm. "That's not what I was getting at."

"Then what were you getting at?"

"I'm just happy," she said. "I'm having a good day, and I'm having it with my two favorite boys."

James stopped, his eyes snapping up to meet hers. The grin that spread across his lips matched hers. "Lily Potter, you..." Once again, he pulled her close. "I love you, Lily Potter. I love you and I love you and I love you."

Both of them looked down then as they felt little arms latch onto their legs. Their son peered up at them. "Hugs for Harry," he said in his tiny voice.

"Of course, hugs for Harry!" James picked him up, snuggled him, and then lifted him high up onto his shoulders.

They played the rest of the afternoon in the piles of leaves they kept disordering and that Lily kept gathering together. The day remained beautiful.

After supper, James made tea while Lily helped Harry get set up with his building blocks on the rug by the sink. When the kettle whistled and mugs were filled, they sat together at the table to enjoy a relaxing evening.

James smiled as they watched Harry play. "Do you think he's ready for a big boy broom, yet?"

"Absolutely not. He's not even two, yet."

"Well, I think—"

A great clattering from the floor above startled them, made them spring up out of their chairs. They had enough of a view to see a startled Moody sprinting down the stairs.

Something made Lily rise and go pick up their son. "I wonder what that was about. But it's bedtime, anyway, isn't it, mister? Should we go get into our pajamas?"

James followed slightly behind them down the hallway, and they were halfway up the stairs when they felt a break in their wards. Quickly, James backtracked enough to peer around. Lily didn't even have time to ask who was there when he yelled, "It's him, Lily! It's You Know Who!"

She whirled to see him looking back down the hallway toward the kitchen where they'd just come. The back door. He must be able to see them through the back door. How was that possible? They'd used the charm. So long as Peter kept the secret they were safe.

So long as Peter kept the secret.

It was never Remus who had been the spy; she'd known that. Never Remus. But they'd never paused to consider what, out of fear, the final Marauder would do to secure his safety.

Lily wasn't sure what there was to do, but, whatever she did, she would protect Harry. That was her only priority. She wished they had their wands, wished they hadn't left them at the table with their mugs of tea, because what defense did they have now?

And then James faced her, again. From a few stairs down, he met her gaze.

She'd seen many different expressions cross this beautiful boy's face. Hadn't he once told her he was a man of multitudes? But she'd never seen one like this. Not one like this, one that ached of dying hope. One that communicated his next action, which was, though he didn't have his wand, to place himself between them and their worst reality. One that knew that to leave her and their son was to die.

There was still sunshine in his eyes, though. Warm courage that told her he would gladly be a boy who loved so Harry could be a boy who lived.

"Take Harry and go," he said, and he only asked of her one more kiss, which she readily gave him. 

Then he was hurrying her up the rest of the stairs, and she flew to the nursery, locking the door behind her. Harry peered up at her with wide, green eyes—her eyes—as she sat him in his crib. "It's okay, Harry. Mama's here."

Yet, things had never been less okay in her life, and she felt it all too well as she heard, muffled, the destruction happening in her house. She wished, again, for her wand and tried to concentrate on wordlessly fortifying the nursery door. The only thing that stood between them and this agent of evil. The only thing as she heard a very distinct, " _Avada Kedavra_!" and the _thud_ of what was surely the drop of her husband's slain body.

_Jamie. Oh, Jamie_.

Fear gripped her, but Lily turned to her son with her brightest eyes, remembering the promise she'd made him when he was still in her womb. "Harry...Harry, dada loves you. Mama loves you."

Footsteps approached outside the door. With one last, lingering look, Lily brushed her fingers against Harry's cheek and turned to face the inevitable. James was gone, and she was next. But she would be a shield for as long as she possibly could. She mustered up all the love—all the strength and courage—she had within her.

When the door blasted open and Voldemort stepped in, she stood, unwavering. She'd made a promise to her baby boy, a promise of love so that he might live, and she intended to see it through.

* * *

It ended with shooting stars all over Britain, owls flying by daylight, mysterious people in cloaks all over the place...and a whisper, a whisper about the Potters...


End file.
